Survivor IX : Vanuatu
Rory The Crack Head
Wherein...we are reminded just how quickly thin girls become candidates for CARE international when you don’t feed them anything. Rory gets a lions share of the sound bites and Ami? Well doesn’t she just take the cake. Look up Moxy and Websters has her picture right there!
"Hello... I’m Sally Struthers, and I want
to ask you to help me make a difference.
Lets work together to please... feed Eliza."
(the show in as few words as possible!)
It’s all about Rory as we open on what appears to be a weird porno set, with Rory and this gaggle of women in bathing suits. Then Rory blows the fantasy and starts being "angry Rory" and ensures they punt his butt far far away when the time is right. Meanwhile they put him back to work... boy. Scout isn’t having any of it and suggests to the camera that he may need to wipe his ass and get over himself. Reward is all about mud wrestling a bunch of pigs... no, that doesn’t mean the Yassur’s wrestled the Lopevi’s. Actual little piglets. This is a can-do thing for everyone except Eliza, who is definitely morphing into Gollum.
She was more concerned with keeping her boy cut bikini bottoms out of her ass crack than catching a pig. We’ll be able to see outlines of all her internal organs by next week. Ami sweet talks her little piggy but Team Testosterone wins a meal fit for a... bunch of hungry white people lost in the South Seas. Rory does the happy dance over Eliza taking the heat off and when he refers to his good fortune as finding "a little crack" the editors slam Eliza full screen. Hahaha... Meanwhile, Julie has got her ass out, back at camp Lopevi... and the boys are all groping around to find their eyeballs. Jeff brings them all back to the beach for a seriously grueling immunity challenge and while the underfed chick team never stood a chance, it was locked down as a loss when Leann gave up half way through. Bad girl. She breaks down a wee bit but Lisa manages to push the wrong button on Commandant Ami and becomes Ami Target Number One. Rory is about to explode with glee as he slips into the background of a cat fight. Ami’s stock splits and keeps climbing as she confronts and ultimately fries Lisa. Bu-bye Lisa and hello Ami aka The Money Girl.
Most Memorable Moment
When Ami got it in her head that Lisa was veiling a threat by asking to know where Ami is getting the Manya roots (food) in case Ami is ever gone she goes on the road most comfortable for her... the road to confrontation. She totally excels in this regard and she walks her attitude up to Lisa and Scout, saying "I would sooner trust Eliza than Lisa." Lisa’s right there... and watching as her ship sails.
A Bug Flew In Your Mouth
Rory: "My thing is to be the upset angry brother that’s welcomed back into the fold." What colour is the sky in your world Rory? And how does it feel to be official canon fodder?
Rory: "My apologies for everything I said to you all in my mind last night..." Look at the shovel go!
Rory: "I wont slave around camp if I don’t have a chance." Well ok... you have a chance! We good now? Ok... back to work bitch...
Thumb Thumb: "Julie was sunbathing her butt-ocks region." There’s no way in hell you gonna cover up yer naturally pervy nature there Thumb boy. I wonder how it felt for Julie to have your eyeballs rammed up her ass?
Julie: "I could flirt all day long..." bwaahahaha... really? Gee we hadn’t noticed.
The game is to run out and grab a piglet in this big pig sty. Everybody has to get two pigs except the "gatekeeper". Eliza totally blows it and looked a lot like she didn’t want to get muddy. Hahahaha... Ami seems to be a bit of a Pig Whisperer "shushing" her squealing piglets. However, the boys out pig the girls, and they get a big honking steak meal for their trouble.
Yasur – The Girls
So... a bunch of women and their ... butler. I’d pay money if one of them would just start calling him Jeeves. Ami rules this roost, and Scout seems to be hiding quite nicely. Eliza is a wuss that will soon waste away and Leann? I have no idea what happened with her but she did suck at the immunity game. So, Scout is feeble, Eliza sucks, Leann blows, and we’re left with Lisa, Ami, and Rory... to compete against John, Sarge, Chris, Twila and Julie? Dudes, there’s no chance. Ami needs to get to the merge and that’s all there is to it.
Lopevi – The Boys
A bunch of boys, a hard working Twila and Julie’s bum. What else do they need?
Yikes!!! A long rope, twisting around obstacles under water and floating above it that each player has to push these big "beads" along that rope from beginning to end. It’s hard hard core exhausting and, bottom line, Leann couldn’t do her leg and it stops there for Yassur. The boys work it to the end and it’s all over.
I don’t want to be around when the Sarge snaps. Know what I mean?
The Darwin Affect
All I can think is that it can’t be such a good thing for Ami to be so amazingly powerful in the game. Her tribe may begin to fear her.
Rory keeps acting like he’s worries but he’s on Team Ami and she promised to not vote for him so his vote is the lock up for Lisa to be gone. It would have been great cinema if Rory had been tossed by a unanimous vote (hahaha!!!) but no. Lisa, who was looking a lot like she needed a little protein, gets to walk into the big dark.
~ Seriously, Eliza is looking mighty weak. And lisa was looking scary too. Yet Ami looks like she woke up in her own bed this morning.
~ Ami is in the running here... for the big money.
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