Survivor IX : Vanuatu
Wherein... we get to watch chicks brawl, everybody play with Jeff’s bondage gear, and one of the boys goes to camp with the girls. There was this time... at band camp... Jeff tosses a boy and a girl off the island tonight and both of them thought they were safe!!
(the show in as few words as possible!)
The Dolly departure tribal council is just ended and the dark of night brings our restless strutting beavers back to base camp. Six days into the game and there is no lack of unrest in Team Yes Sir. You can just hear Desi Arnez saying "Eliza? You’ve got some ‘splain’en to do!!" Meanwhile over in camp testosterone, the boys are building the shelter from hell while Erkel wanders around in the woods like an extra in The Blair Witch Project collecting unripe fruit. We get to see Sergeant Bilko try to put the screws to Erkel but Roar-y-fruit isn’t having any... he’s way to happy making like he can stand up to angry white guys. But enough about them...lets go watch a cat fight. Mia is getting ready to bleed next week so she decides to take it out on Twila. Despite some serious calm talk’en from Twila, Mia is seriously out for a brawl. Sadly, Mia didn’t dive on Twila and get her clothes ripped off and run towards the camera all jiggling and screaming. Instead, she gets defensive in the extreme about her work ethic. She ends up making herself look like a bit of a git, but that is absolutely no big surprise. The girls swear at each other and make loads of gestures and Twila sits there, sharpening the knife. It’s game time and Dom Jeff has a combo Reward slash Immunity deal to shove at them. First, he empties his deviant dungeon and sets up locks, blocks, hooks etc. to slow progress through three locked gates. First team to overcome those hurdles gets a fishing spear (Hawaiian sling), mask, etc. Then, that winning team gets to earn an immunity moment. Everybody goes to the Pit of Despair tonight and two people go home. Bluesteel (Johnny K) wins the immunity game and gets to hang with the chicks for the afternoon but that’s only to scope them out and reward one of them with an immunity deal. He is wise beyond his appearance and wastes no time in setting the girls upon one another to reveal the nature of their rivalries and make his choice a wee bit easier. Sadly, he has to put up with TOTALLY INSANE ELIZA while he’s there. The boys do the vote deal and chuck John P (really, not a very intelligent guy) off the island and leave Rory smiling and wondering how he survived. The girls have a more involved time at the pit with Jeff. Amy gets immunity from John and then tries a little psych counseling on Twila. Mia almost drops both of her eyeballs, rolling them around in her head, and then ends up on the walk of shame for her trouble.
Most Memorable Moment
Well... there’s something pretty darn compelling about watching a young woman throw and absolute shit fit. Especially when she can’t see me laughing at her. Bwaahahaha... Mia going ape shit wanky on Twila was easily the best moment of the show. Now that’s Dolly and Mia gone... from a position of absolutely superior numbers, the "young ones" have really fucked themselves here.
A Bug Flew In Your Mouth
"I’ve got my self in a cluster you-know-what!" wow... thank you Dolly for this last gasp quote. How cute is it watching a little farm girl talk like she went to UVA?
"I’m a grown ass man!" whines Rory (or as John P. would say "Royary"). Ok, first, you are a "big ass man" and Rory? Shut the fuck up you complete idiot.
"don’t gimmi no bullshit bitch..." ah yes... That would be Twila, addressing her secret lover Mia. Dare I say it? Put 9 boys together and they get stupid... but put 9 girls together and they get... nasty nasty nasty. Why didn’t the Girl Guides explode years ago?
And my fav line from the night... is Jeff talking to the girls at the Pit of Despair; "Mia, you’re bobbing your head up and down, all around... you look like the little doggie in the window." Yeah, I’m thinking I can see Mia bobbing her head up and down... but Dude!!! "little doggie in the window"??? Careful there Jeffy... she looks like she eats short men for breakfast... right after a whole lot of Head bobbing.
Of course, it’s mess with Mia night, so Scout has to get in on the act; "good luck in finding a husband who will put up with you!". Now she only said that when she was voting so, basically she’s a chicken shit.
"Dab gum, Harley... you done left the door open to the still again." Er... ok, so Twila didn’t say this... but I’ll bet you she has said this...
Yasur – The Girls
Hahahahahaha... how many clichés can you roll into one camp? The girls continue to polarize along the age line, not that this helps Mia any. :D The girls fight like cats-on-crack and while it’s really only Mia brawling with Twila (actually, it’s only Mia fighting... Twila is just sharpening a knife....
Lopevi – The Boys
Holy followers bat man... First and foremost... the boys are still a bunch of pussies and that’s not changing. John K. does testosterone proud on his visit to the girls camp but generally, the boys are just total wankers. They might even have a shelter soon. (it’s day seven!!)
Reward & Immunity!
Knots, blocks, hooks, keys, locks, gates, poles... Jeff’s dungeon must be empty!!! Boys over here, girls over there... and try to get through three gates to reach the finish line. First ones across get cool fishing gear. The hard part? Each gate is secured by various locks that the teams have to get through. This is brute strength time and the girls don’t seem to be standing much of a chance. The boys win and then the real trouble starts. The winning team (the boys) gets to play another game (dumb game with a ladder) and earn an "individual immunity" thing. The immunity winner (John K.) has to go to "camp chick" and secretly select one of them to receive immunity. Both teams take a turn at Tribal Council so two people are going home and John K. gets to pick which girl is safe. He gets to their camp and makes two piles out of the girls... "so who voted for dolly and how didn’t?" He then sits back and watches while they fight it out.
I want so much to like the Sarge... but ol Thumb Thumb is just way to bossy for my tastes. The player that takes the leadership role is just painting himself red and jumping in the bull ring. He started this game saying he was going to have to suck it up for a while... and dude... it’s not working.
The Darwin Affect
Oh look... there’s a boy here... and he’s going to pick one of us girls to get immunity for tonight’s council meeting... so I guess I’ll latch onto him like an annoying tic and talk until I see smoke coming out of his ears... yeah, that’s a good plan... for sure I’ll be safe and all my girlfriends will be safe too, because I can talk non stop for every moment that he’s here and everybody knows boys just love it when a girl talks none stop, right...
Poor Eliza... you are soooooo going to get fried in this game.
So the boys have to pick one to go... they stick to their original plan... voting along the age curve... even though they REALLY REALLY NEED to get rid of Erkle the freak. No, instead they fry John P. and his scary facial expressions (5 – 3 votes with Rory getting the 3). Hahaha... Bluesteel (John K) gets immunity and survives the testosterone vote, then sits back when the girls show up for their meeting and he gives it... er... gives immunity to Amy. He explains that she was a fairly innocuous choice, leaving the girls to continue their self destructive ways. The girls take out Mia with a 5 to 3 vote and Eliza practically screams in surprise!! (Eliza needs to get a clue).
~ Amy telling Twila to "get in touch with her feminine side" bwaahahahahaha....
~ John P’s exit speech... it made no sense? What the hell was that? You freak.
pssst. Thank's out to Mage67 for saving my ass when I messed up taping the show!!! :)
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