Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Big Brother 5 Update!!

Big Brother 5 Update!!



Check Out Those Pants



Where in... we watch three become two, one be either a philanthropist or an ultra maroon, and of course, Julie... who is at this very moment having a pair of suede pants cut from her body. Oh!! And Scott and Jase are no longer dating...



Loser say what?
(aka "The WEEK in as few words as possible")
Julie, resplendent in her neck scarf... and second-skin suede flesh colored pants (that make her look kinda naked actually), lurches us through the second last show. The mechanical-bull type platform with the vibrating posts they were standing on was part one of the three part game.  Don’t ya just wish Diane was try’en to hose Michael with the hair thing?? Hahaha... She tips her head to Drew to get help with a hair elastic and he shakes her off... so she turns to Cowboy... whom I’m surprised didn’t just step right off and get her a brush, starts fucking with her hair for her with one hand and holding the key with the other, which he manages to remove from the key ever so momentarily.  BANG... yer out.  (LOL!) While they talk of who is going to throw it for who... a vibrat-o-matic moment catches Diane off guard and she drops... BANG... it’s all about Drew again.  Drew! Who is promising the moon to Diane but always sounding weird and promising his four-horse-man-thang to Michael and always sounding home-boy’ish.  Diane gets her cry on over losing her footing and Drew actually uses it as yet another in a seemingly endless list of things to get righteous on Diane about.  You all know he is either certifiably insane or does not actually like Diane... right?
The game continues with Diane and Michael messing around with Frisbees embossed with the players faces and they have to use them to answer house trivia questions.  Diane cannot remember who was morphed in the morphed house guests game and it was her undoing. She totally buggered this one and is losing it in small chunks.  Round three is next, but first, lets get a look at Jase, covered in kiss marks from his new hard core largo girlfriend, Holly-the-space-cadet.  He (jase) is as vapid as she will ever be. Oh and he and Scott don’t talk. Bwaahahaha... Scot still looks exactly like a complete idiot and Republican Mike is ... exactly as he was before he spent one day on television.
Now... it’s Drew versus Cowboy.  Answer A or B to complete sentences spoken by jury members in little video moments. Like "I would least like to find out I was related to...." etc.  It was actually a squeaker but, of course, Drew wins... and it’s all up to him.
It’s vote time, so Michael and Diane both profess their unflappable love for Drew instead of begging to be saved and then he gets up, mumbles some weird ass shit about something Diane "said last night" about potential jury votes and then he chucks her out of the house.
What the absolute fuck? 
Julie practically falls over in the Loser Lounge trying to sit down in her freak pants, and it’s one well stunned little Diane that joins her.  Then Cowboy and Drew hug and cry ... a lot.

Most Memorable Moment
Ok... look, if you taped the show and your reading this before you tape over it... go back to the show and look for the few seconds of video as Julie makes to sit down after welcoming Diane into the Loser Lounge.  She can’t fucking do it!! She has to sorta stop half way. No really guys, this woman was vacuum sealed into those pants... It was hilarious!! She was like a stick man. I can imagine her Frank-en-legging it around the studio.

Tactical
Ok... Suz suggested that maybe he’s going to try and make sure Cowboy wins.  Drew is supposed to come from money so maybe he’s got some hard core altruistic streak.  Failing that... I would figure "exceedingly dumb" would be a good place to start.  I suppose I’m going to turn out to be totally wrong but I thought for sure that the Jury would pick Michael over anybody. He’s got the Goober Vote locked up and if your choice is either Drew or Diane then it’s Goober city. "Well I hate you ... and he’s such a dough head, taking all that abuse, and really seriously needing speech therapy lessons." Ding ding ding... Cowboy’s the winner.  So I figured for sure, even idiot Drew would get that idea and keep the reviled Diane for second place.
Drew and Michael are dribbling with talk of The Four Horsemen but that opens up levels of idiocy that I don’t even want to explore.

The winner...
So... I see it like this;
Will (Cowboy)
Nathalie (I don’t know)
Adria (I don’t know)
Marvin (Cowboy)
Karen (Cowboy)
Nakomas (Cowboy) yes... she will relent
Diane (Drew)
That leaves minimum four for Cowboy and only potentially three for Drew.
It’s a sad day for television.  We knew this day would come the moment Lori said she wanted to take the money and run.  Cowboy... the guy who, when Scott told him to get a sweater, asked "why? Am I cold?" Yes... that Cowboy... he is poised to win.

Now... why am I wrong... am I totally missing how the Jury is gonna vote? Did Diane really say anything worth making him be this stupid?  Or is he handing the cash to Michael on purpose?

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