Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Big Brother 5 Update!!

Big Brother 5 Update!!

Crouching Nimrod, Hidden Dorkus.

Where in... the lies come fast and furious. It says a lot about this show when a dim candle like Diane comes up with a Master Plan that would make the Enron Accounting Department drool into their calculators. And "plan" she does...Of course, we get to hear Drew saying "Oh, I never thought of that." again and Grasshopper... I mean Cowboy... gets all Jackie Chan on us.  Yes Nakomas... there really is a Santa Clause.

Loser say what?
(aka “The show in as few words as possible”)
Nostrodamus is HoH and we're watching the house mats try desperately to act happy for her and her HoH swag. Michael begins slipping into a deeper coma when he fancies himself a "looker" and Nakomas fancies herself trustworthy when she comments that she protects Michael.  She then succumbs to Karen’s plot and prepares to fry Michael... lovely.  Meanwhile, back in the rubber room, Michael is busy dancing around thinking he's Bruce Lee and Drew is wandering around looking for his brain. "Oh... I didn't think about that.".  It's Diane’s night when the seeds of a plan percolate up in light of a nomination that will surely be some combination of her, Drew and Cowboy. In a sharp contrast to what normally happens to these wankers... and harkening back to Nakomas's big "6 finger Fry" of Jase... Diane’s plot works out perrrrrfectly.  Nakomas nominates Drew and Cowboy (so much for protecting Michael) and Diane wins the veto... She uses it to save Drew's ridiculously stupid self and Nakomas has no choice but to put Karen up.  Well now... so much for Karen’s manipulation of Nakomas.  A power of two is a big deal in this game, but it's no match for a power of three when there's only five people left in the game.

Fav Quote
"When ever I've been HoH, I've kept cowboy safe..." except that time that you put him on the block... ya little freak... Sheesh Nakomas... we're watching this, remember.

"All I can say is... Looks run in the family." Wow!! Cowboy... I was really expecting you to come into the HoH and say to Nakomas... "so ... shall we stick with the family tradition and, you know, have a baby together?"

Cowboy: "I'm always kicking around... like a martial artist... I took two weeks of Kara-tey... there's a possibility that I could kick somebody down!!" Yeah... so... now you're talking about kicking little kids right? 
Nakomas: "I think if Cowboy pulled out his karate ... the snot would be beaten out of him." Damn... you got that right.

Most Memorable Moment
For all her exceptional mental frailty... Diane really was showing supreme "master of self control" when Michael was doing his little kicks'-around-the-world dance... (this little bend over and lift one leg like a dog pee'ing and hop around in a circle - no doubt Jackie Chan did this in some movie and Michael has been doing it in front of the full length mirror ever since... gah! Poor poor April!) How Diane, who mentions that her mother is an actual black belt... versus a mirror boy, manages to not collapse laughing at him is totally beyond me.

The Diane Plan: If Drew and Michael are nominated... all five of them play Veto.  Drew and Michael make sure Diane wins the veto, then she saves one of them, making it necessary for Nakomas to replace the saved one with Karen.  Diane and the saved-one agree in advance to vote Karen off.  Bingo... both original nominations are rescued.  It all rests on the nature of the veto game.  The producers must have been high-fiving in the control room as they laid out a "Cage Match" where each player needs to make a device from a pile of toys - gathered from earlier games - and use this device to reach a key that unlocks the cage.  Michael and Drew immediately give Diane their best "reach" toy (a golf putter) and then Drew works shamelessly with Diane to make a reach-tool and win the game.  How come all this didn't become obvious to Nakomas and Karen? oh yeah... it's Karen and Nakomas!!!! Possibly the people watching the live feed zone know better. Diane uses Veto to save Drew and it's game over for Karen... well... so we expect.

The winner…
I have no freaking idea.... If Nakomas can turn Diane or Cowboy next week AFTER they fry Karen... maybe she's money girl... but... the way things are going, the inbred half wit is going to have buckets of cash and be able to pursue his acting career as a Kung Fu King.

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