Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Big Brother 5 Update!!

Big Brother 5 Update!!



Twin Kabobs Anyone?



Where-in... we watch as the end game in the life and times of the Evil Bible Thumping Twins is played out. Diane, and her really ugly panties, completes her transformation into “outrageous skank blanket of a bitch” and, of course, Cowboy sheds more tears… because, you know, “Real cowboys cry daddy. Don’t hit me daddy… please… wahhhhhh”



Loser say what?
(aka "The WEEK in as few words as possible")
True to form, CBS avoids facing the question of Julie’s fuck up in the HoH last week but sends us a video bite of Karen saying “I didn’t want to win the HoH”. Yeah… Meanwhile Marvelous Marvy, HoH, is high five’en Cowboy as they frolic – yes, FROLIC – in the mini swimming pool. At least he has the where-for-all to kick everyone out of his room so he can enjoy his um… privacy. Diane drags her skanky self out to put the schmooze on Marvy… who, finally facing the notion that he could play in the end game if he’d just stop playing with himself, eats her bait, hook, line and sinker. They agree to protect one another and (live-feed-land) actually have a little necking session on the sofa later… IS SHE A WRETCHED BITCH CUNT OR WHAT? Nakomas, on the other hand, is the “sexpert” as Drew’s penis becomes a concealed weapon in his pocket. She explains her affiliation with Fetish Balls … and while I’m thinking Schwetty Balls, she does explain about the whole “spank me till I’m screaming you ramrod monkey man” thing. Diane is clearly unimpressed with a) Drew’s interest in the subject and b) Nakomas knowing anything about anything, let alone a sexual topic… seeing as Diane’s repertoire ends with a hand job and she can only really dream about taking one for team… er from the team. Marvin nominates his ass partner Cowboy and, of course, Adria. Adria has her moment of insanity thinking this wont happen but clearly her memory is not as sharp as her little pointed head. She’s forgotten how she drove Marvin over the freaking wall of frustration when she nominated him and fed him cryptic hints that he ought to beg her for safety. Sugar? He wasn’t playing then… and you bet your larger-than-your-twins booty that he’s not playing now. Some really dumb camera moments introduce us to Diane’s exceptionally ugly panties and then it’s off America’s Choice. The dumb guy, er… Cowboy, gets the call from home and it takes him about 13 seconds to traumatize his step son by CRYING LIKE HE JUST FOUND OUT HE’S HAD HIS ARMS AND LEGS REMOVED. The kid starts crying on the phone and that last moment of the call is listening to April (his beloved) telling him that her daddy says he’s crying way too much for a good ol’cowboy. Veto plays out and it’s a game of melting the block of veto-medallion-holding ice. Now we all know that Scott and Jase would have been pissing on their blocks the second the game started so we all heave a sigh of relief that they’re gone. Then, after telling Adria she’s gonna suck ass at any game, Karen (Adria’s game pick) begins a sound effort to capture the veto. She does… and it’s hugs all around… except for Adria… Call that clue number two… coming on the heals of Karen actually telling Adria that she would not use the veto if she won it. Bonk bonk bonk… the sound my head on the table at Adria’s poor showing at the “look at my brains” booth. The Suzanne Sommers wanna-be (Karen) doesn’t use the Veto and we’re treated to a delightful moment of Diane looking just about as horrible-skank-bitch as it’s possible to be without actually becoming Amy Fisher. Adria is well and truly fucked.

Fav Quotes
“My strategy is to… melt the ice.” Oh sweet mercy Cowboy… the game is to melt the ice… and your strategy is to try really hard to not be an idiot. But wait…

Diane, with a look of utter contempt on her face: “Well she’s the Sex-pert” about Nakomas who keeps Drew dangling on a string for a while as she talks about her sexual adventures with Doms etc at the local Fetish Ball.

Most Memorable Moment
So a gigantic square block of ice… I’m talking easily a foot and a half on an edge… with the golden veto medallion in the middle of it… and they all get one of those pump-em-up high pressure water guns. Empty the gun trying to carve up your block of ice… then go fill it in the pool and try some more. However, if you are Drew or Michael… you have the option of BEATING THE ICE BLOCK with the flimsy plastic toy water gun. Michael, who’s strategy is to “melt the ice” will have to work pretty damn hard to build up enough heat with that beating thing he’s doing to melt any of the ice. He is most definitely the most moronic and over-all stupid player they have ever had on this game. Oh, and Drew beating the thing with his gun… no big surprise there. Drew is not actually supposed to have a brain. It might interfere with his attractiveness.

Tactical
So I’m expecting Adria to go on Thursday night… that leaves;
Marvin, Michael, Drew and Karen, Diane, Nakomas. When she goes, I will through my lot firmly behind Marvin, but the way the girls are talking about him (that would be Karen and Nak… because we all know Diane is not actually a girl… just a snake with a cunt) I’m suspecting his days are numbered. I tell you this right now man… if Cowboy wins… I will never watch this fucking show again. !!!

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