Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Big Brother 5 Update!!

Big Brother 5 Update!!

Hasbro Introduces the "Diane Ball".

Where-in... bouncy, flouncy, mouth open to accept all manner of objects, Diane bounces all over the house playing the danger game of “I’ll be on everybody’s alliance.” Adria continues to find it hard to see with her head up her ass… but it’s a such a great ass. :D Oh well… Did they have an “Attack of the Pod People” episode when I wasn’t looking?

Loser say what?
(aka "The WEEK in as few words as possible")
After listening to herself be sincere with every alliance in the house, Diane implodes and announces “put me up and kick me out”. Alas… that will have to wait. Perhaps they’ll put some anti depressants (or some m&m’s) in the food supply for ya. Meanwhile, she continues to be look towards Drew – the increasingly marginal example of the human male – for kisses, cuddles and, apparently a cum soaked hand. (she gave him a hand job the other night… look for his sock on the bedside table – bwaahahaa) The Pod People made off with Michael and left an edgier and angrier little weasel in his place that threatens Drew… Of course, Adria and Nat threaten him too, so maybe it’s just “threaten Drew” week. After I overcame my powerful desire to reach into my television and rip the hairs out of Julies head that she leaves dangling in her right eye, I got to watch the editors make it pretty apparent that Mr. Pink will be going this week. They give the quickie “here’s Wills friends telling us how wonderful he is” video montage. America’s Choice shows up again and this one is to garner a walk-on part in an episode of The Young And The Restless. Vote Michael… drive the Y&R writers crazy. It’s eviction time so we get to watch Adria babble relentlessly again. Her only salient comment in the “private interview” is “I think I have no team!”. Then we’re treated to Will eloquent “see ya later, you’re all wonderful and I’m a better person for taking your shit over the last month” speech. Marvelous Marvin is a little less eloquent, shaking his ass and telling everyone to not vote for him. Then it’s “live vote” time and Julie begins her annual struggle to make “How will (insert name here) vote?” sound dramatic six times. The votes a tie, so Adria gets to pull Marvin into her little world a little closer by tossing Will back into the real one. Of course, no eviction night is complete without a Head Boy game and this one features the house guests having NOT ONE SINGLE CLUE as they all guess at the answers to a “who said that?” game. Nostrodomas guesses wrong the fewest number of times and wins – again – the head girl job. Pay back’s gonna be a bitch Adria.

Fav Quotes
Adria: “I say keep your woman in line!”
Drew: “Yeah, she’s crazy…”
Dude… she’s gonna see that… You are so done.

Cowboy… who is really scaring me lately… comes out with “And boy… if you save her again… I’ll kick your freak’en ass!” Now the scary part is he just seems the type to land the “after he’s been beat up” punch to the gay guy tied to the fence… Maybe that’s just my predilection to not finding a lot to like about fifth generation inbreeding… but go figure.

“Put me up… and kick me out”. Well now… Diane is handling her absence from her regular counselor quite well isn’t she? D’ya ever notice how her mouth doesn’t actually look like it’s capable of closing? I wonder how helpful that is for her…

Adria, every time Julie asks her a question: “…in conjunction with that, ah would like to suggest that there is a predisposition to qualifying undesirable ambiguity by moving t’wards an irrevocable conjugation between two people who can juxtapose said ambiguity with clear intentions toward… um… what was the question again?”

“If karma’s a boomerang then I’ll see you sooner than later.” Oh-kay… and Will, if Karma is a bicycle then you can sit on the handlebars… er… Now sit down and shut up you sore loser muffin cap.

“beep beep beep beep beep beep” The editors, producers and Julie work over time to make some big honking drama out of this show with the live vote and Adria needing to cast the deciding tie breaker vote. It’s the moment of reckoning… and some dumb ass’s pager goes off in the studio with Julie. Bwaahahaha…

Most Memorable Moment
Yeah, so Will, having reduced himself from cool, calm, thinking gay man to flipping lunatic over the course of one weeks worth of being on the block… get’s the ultimate kiss off from Adria as she names him for eviction on national tele. On his way out the door she moves in for her second attempt at a hug to say good bye and maybe remind him that THIS IS A GAME FOR MONEY (you big fucking loser) and he literally grabs her wrists and pushes her arms down and way… then delivers his “karma” quote. I swear, I wrote down how I can just imagine his face all snively and crying at the beginning of the show… and low and behold… by the time Julie is done with him, the tears are a’flowing. Next year, when he turns four, he’s gonna get a bicycle with lovely tassels on the handlebars.

Estrogen Is Your Friend
Ok… Diane… cute and totally fuckable though she may be… looks a whole lot like she’s gonna spend a significant part of her life twitching when her prescriptions run low. It’s not that she’s paranoid… she has every reason to suspect plots and issues surround her. It’s that she doesn’t simply accept the reality of all this and get on with it. I can just see her on her sofa with a half empty vat of Ben & Jerry’s struggling with panic attacks over some dumb comment the guy she thinks is her boyfriend made yesterday.
Now Karen, still stuck in an Abba day dream, is getting scary … she’s not had a period since she got in the house (life feed comments) and … BWAAHAHAHAHA she was worried she was preggers. (She had a period right before she got here… so what the fuck are you worried about woman?) Sweet and smiley Nakomas may be the only likable character left on the show… but she’s still stuck in her misguided attitude… and keeps referring to the “cause” like maybe she’s been to one too many “Anti World Trade Organization” rallies.

Team Testosterone
It’s all about Marvin now. Drew’s a pussy, Michael is an idiot, and that leaves Marvin as the only source of decent ball stink. Hopefully he will start trying to manipulate some of these other punks and stop letting them try to use his big ass as a nut cracker.

Nakomas wins HoH and I’m wondering if she’ll just put both twins up there and see what happens, because that would be a priceless moment in the making if Adria wins Veto and in a fit of guilt, rescues Nathalie. :D

The winner…
I want to blow off Adria and start rooting for Marvin… but when the end comes and Adria is still there… you know they are going to have to admit she played a wicked game to get to the end…

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