Big Brother 5 Update!!
Little Pig, Little Pig... Open This Door.
Where in... we are treated to more hillbilly tears and Karen screaming about porn, Jase screaming about everything, and Scott being... well, in his own little world. There’s a veto thing... there’s some pigs... and there’s Will and Diane in dreamland watching Drew... a completely different kind of porn than what Karen is screaming about.
Loser say what?
(aka "The WEEK in as few words as possible")
It’s the Diane show. All the boys alternately suck her toes and diss her back, and the girls are just letting them. Will is Style Man from Plan Nine, and holding as big a crush on Drew as Diane. Those two wipe themselves off long enough join everyone painting clay pigs that you just know they will be smashing later. Scott needs many years of analysis (see psycho pig painting for membership card in the wack job of the month club) and Karen has several concurrent orgasms over painting the pigs. They play a great veto game, but you had to actually get the concept or you were screwing yourself... which Diane did quite nicely. Jase gets the veto. So Will does a little toe sucking of his own, except this time has to pick hairs out of his mouth. Jase seems to buy it and the BING. The girls find the spy tv. There they are... on the bed, chanting empowerment slogans, with estrogen pouring out of every orifice... including Wills. Adria and Nat make another switch and I continue to love them both... The idiots (J & S) make a show of the Veto ceremony, and Nakomas, fresh from many late night pentagrams in urban grave yards is off-put by the breach of protocol for a "ceremony". Jase uses veto to save his outstandingly strange looking self and barfs testosterone all over the girls and then Diane puts up Marvelous Marvin and his head... that she recently shaved for him.
Scott: "Diane has that big mouth... she’s abnormally unintelligent." Oh... are you confiding in us? You big knuckle dragging fire hydrant!
Scott: "All these people in the house... they really like me!" How do you spell delusional? s*c*o*t*t
Marvin The Paranoid Black Guy gets in his digs to the boys about Michael by recounting; "Jase tells cowboy to put on a sweater... and cowboy asks... are we going somewhere or am I cold?" oh man...
Karen pretty well blows a gasket when she sees that they get to do some arts and crafts (painting big ass clay pigs). No I mean, she changes colour, and out’s with; "Oh my god!! That’s like Karen porn!" Geez, she’s got a way with the sound bites. :D
The big game comes later, but decorating them was a treat. They talk philosophically about how the pigs are reflections of the players as per their decorations. Scott, ever the sick fuck, puts blood dripping from his Charles Manson pig. Michael, acknowledges the idea of their pigs reflecting them, but hastens to tell us "except I’m not a real pig... so I don’t have the piggy nose." And we can just live in fear that you what? have the piggy tail and perhaps wallow in your own mire when nobody’s looking?
And just because no episode review is quite right without a little reminder of how stupid Jase is...
"I have just two words for you!! KISS MY ASS" alrighty-then.
Most Memorable Moment
It’s another toss up! This time between Karen going orgasmic in the diary room over the arts and crafts thing... or ... no, in fact, the mmm is definitely watching Will and Diane cream themselves while watching Drew. We get this long video moment close up on Will and Dee reclining sideways on a hammock, swinging... staring at Drew doing laundry or some shit. They’re just talking total objectification of the Drew. And while we are quickly seeing that Drew is as big a patsy as Michael, he is (as my wife said) "easier on the eyes". Will? He’s all wood... all the time over Drew and Diane? She had to have her ass peeled off that hammock after 20 minutes of mad kegeling.
Estrogen Is Your Friend
So where was this hard ass girl versus boy deal two weeks ago? Bah... Lori was good mojo on the show... it’s too bad... er... oh and Will is gonna up and grow tits any second. He’s the total girl and it’s never more apparent than when he’s perched on the HoH bed watching the spy tv with the girls. Note: Will is not above playing everybody’s fav pass time in the BB house... "Abuse Michael". His version involves lewd come-ons and gestures to Michaels back out in the yard, to derisive laughter from his girls.
They have this total plan... To MAKE Diane pick Marvin after one of them wins veto and rescues Jase... that way, because you know, everyone loves Scott, they’ll vote off Marvin. Diane is playing it that she is committed, with her gang, to off’ing Scott. We’ll see if that doesn’t backfire on Marv and if it does... STUPID STUPID STUPID.
Michael gets to cry again on National TV, this time over missing his step son...
The veto game was to secretly load tokens into one another’s piggy banks. Get too many and you’re out. Get closest to 20 and your golden. Everybody gets 13 to work with. Will totally gets it... (loads Jase) Jase totally gets it... (loads Diane) Diane does not get it and spreads them around. In the end, not enough people on the "I hate Jase" crew got it... so he ends up with the winning hand and Diane ends up with like 28 tokens. Jase was an exceptional dick from that moment forward with much hooting, flexing, farting and loving the smell.
If they don’t get all freaky on each other... the girls have it. Adria, Karen, Nikomas, and Will vote Scott, and Jase, Drew, and Micheal, vote for Marvin. Done. But nothing ever works out the way you want it on this show... (although I remain hopeful that Thursday’s reveal of Nathalie will be the sort of fun I want it to be. :D)
No arguments? Come on... who do you think is going to walk with $$... commit to a guess!! :D
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