Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Big Brother 5 Update!!

Big Brother 5 Update!!



Drew You Wretched Pussy

Wherein... I drop all pretence at objectivity. If ever there were a bunch of wankers more in need of a sound drubbing with a great big rubber mallet, it's The Four Horse Shoes.  This episode features Scott snickering in the back of class when he should be learning how to spell cheese or learn the meaning of the word "confide". Jase, not one to waste time on anything as complicated as making up his mind, continues to try and brow beat the Head Boy. The Head Boy cries, and the two obvious camps in the Big Brother house all but come to blows ... and when you break it all down... it's all because of Holly Goes Lightly.  She has no clue what storms swirl around her, but that's only because she lives in the vacuum of that storms eye.



Loser say what?
(aka "The WEEK in as few words as possible")
After Idiot Wanker... I mean Drew puts Holly up, Scott has a hissy-fit, and while Jase professes his agreement with and to Drew, it only takes Scott a few moments to rile Jase up and next thing you know... Jase is sucking Holly's toes again.  The Horseshoes accost Drew in the Head Boy Room. Their lay a guilt trip on Drew that leaves him in actual tears. He must be so proud.  Holly is every bit the broken butterfly and even goes to Diane to seek support. Diane has to hold laughter or bile in her mouth with a covering hand.  Diane dares to speak in the presence of the horsies, so Scott and Jase egg Holly on to sick her. This leads to an all out battle of the brainless as the obvious alliances in the house accuse one another of ... what? Playing the game? (freaking idiots) Jase, the soon-to-be proud owner of a restraining order, manages to be in love with Brad Pit, and also think he is Brad Pit. So, of course, he's in love with himself. One wonders how "Pit Like" electing to barf like seventeen year old with fake ID was? Oh, and Scott actually thinks he's an adult... human. Meanwhile Will continues to look like Chandler Bing and some calamity has befallen Karen’s finger. Its Veto Game night and this one plays out with the Vegas props. Am I telling the truth or am I bluffing… for chips. Get the most chips in two rounds, get the medallion.  Scott reminds us all of how fucking stupid he is, and Nakomas takes home the gold.  The Boys assume the best-case-zone and see a clear path to frying Adria-slash-Nathalie (ahhhhh!) in Nakomas using the veto and saving (double ahhhhh!) Holly.  Drew succumbs to the influence of the Horse Cocks and puts up Adria while Jase and Scott grin like school boys. Then I shot several holes in my television.*

Fav Quotes
"Did it say somewhere in his bible to put me up?" That's it Holly, get it out... wait... could you cry a bit?
"You have the wrong conception of me!" Oh Holly...  you poor thing.
Then, looking all serious... "Why do you want to be Brad Pit?"
Which gets a "Because I love him!" from Jase.  A feeling Drew describes as "almost romantic", and Marvin wades in with "more like an arm Pit."

Now Jase is right off the deep end. He's so wound up you'd swear he has three day old tracks crawling up his arms. It's Veto competition time and he figures he has to win to save his vacuous Holly Pocket. Well it might be a food competition, so he goes and FREAKING PUKES HIS GUTS OUT to prepare.
Holly's reaction? "That is such a sweet gesture!" I'm guessing rather tart actually. All I can say is I'm glad they weren't expecting a "How many ping pong balls can you carry?" game.

When Jase's question in the Veto game was "Who am I most likely to confide in?" (or something) Ol Scot-o-matic comes back with "confide? I don't know what that means." Holy crap!

Most Memorable Moment
Poor darling sweet and squeaky Holly is just devastated by her nomination. She retreats to the toilet to have a good sit-alone. Jase finds her and draws her out. She is sooo sad and droopy... Jase all but envelopes her toes in his drippy mouth trying to please her but it's no use. She turns to Diane, who sits down, knee to knee, with her, and asks her if she has her support.
Ok, now these are two very little people. However, the isometric energy that suddenly built up in Diane at that moment was like... Atomic Bomb scale.  Her hand went straight to her mouth to cover her big ass smile and to hold back explosive laughter. She actually had to get up, keep her hand in place, and walk away saying "not now... not now..." or something.  It was absolutely... completely priceless.  All three of Holly's cogs were turning and there was like a 15 second delayed reaction that lead to a big confrontation but the moment Diane's hand shot up to her mouth ... oh man that was perfect. 

Estrogen Is Your Friend
They're about to break her, but Adria has been a rock. The stress of having to only ever get half of what's going on, and the panic of possible discovery failed to snap her when Drewless tells her that the boys want her or Marvin up and that he'll go with the boys. She does her level best to talk him into a gentle corner but in the end, it's to no avail.
Nakomas is trying to hold onto her identity but is ultimately played by Scott and her best intentions leave her in their pocket.
Karen’s flying low (and it's all editing, I know) but she still manages to sport the only obvious injury - other than so much air leaking out of Holly - with a heavily bandaged finger.
Diane, feisty little dip that she is, can't resist a cowboy bar or an argument, so gets her fill by arguing with Scott and Jase.
Will, almost under the radar as well, is still the splash of pink in the house but does a cliche overreaction to Diane's argument with the Horse Heads.

Team Testosterone
Bottom line: Scott, a clearly uneducated, misogynist, jar head, and Jase, live and breath double and triple standards. They obviously take advantage of Michael the Cowpoke, and are pushing Drew around like he'd be the guy they make carry the gun when the hold up a 7-11. 
And fucking Drew is such a weak spirit that he's letting them do it huge.  In the end it's about playing a game for money, and Drew is stuck in a freaking soap opera with Holly, Scott and Jase. He has no win strategy with the Horses Asses, and he's about to make the show all but unwatchable by evicting Adria.
Michael is as busy as a bee ensuring that Nakomas never talks to him again in his pathetic life.  He's basically walking around with Jase and Scotts dicks in his hands, asking them if they need a pee. What are we gonna do today Spike? Oh, try and manipulate my half sister? Sure... she wont mind our pathetic, obvious school yard bully tactics... and when we burn her? Shit... she'll love me for sure. Ok, Spike...

Tactical
If Marvin plays for the Horse Shoes, like he comments he may, then the vote between Adria and Holly is split. Jase, Scott, Michael, and Marvin versus Karen, Nakomas, Will and Diane. That leaves it up to Drew to break the tie.

The winner…
If Adria can turn Drew and not lose anyone on her team ... but you never frigg'en know... she can recover. If Marvin can be convinced that Holly is a poisonous substance... then maybe Adria can recover. But in every BB so far... the people you like...are the first to leave. So we'll see on Thursday.

*ok, fine... so I didn't. But I made a bunch of hand gestures and stuff.

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