Big Brother 5 Update!!
It’s just Strategical. (bwahahaha)
Where-in... we catch up with the house-mats. It’s been a few weeks now and, as expected, they’re all turning into complete idiots. None, mind you, more-so than Captain Fantastic and his little stetson wearing Jack Russell Terrier. "Hey Spike, what we gonna do today? Eh Spike? Eh Spike" They finally used a veto but, alas, it’s all about the freakazoid bandana wearing dork-muffins and their evil plot to rule the universe... or at lease shave it’s chest and flex a bunch. No really, three weeks in and the tears flow freely and hate overtakes the love baybee. It’s a telling moment when you find yourself thinking that it’s a good thing Nicomas is there to keep things normal.
Loser say what?
(aka "The WEEK in as few words as possible")
Playing a quick game of catch up before the live show...
Womanizing Marvelous Marvin the Degenerate (that would be WMMD for short... and lets see Sadam hide him in Iraq) is Head Boy and while he doesn’t get to play "Dairy Queen Chocolate Dip" he does get to hover around the spy tv and zoooooom in on Adria doing push ups (livefeeds). You know he’s a pig dog right? Saturday was all about Will fucking up the food competition... not like he actually SOLD OUT FOR CASH (cough-lori-cough) but only managed to be a crummy shot with the rubber chicken cannon and the good shots that had collected beer, veggies, etc all went down the tubes. Will cries like ... well, a gay man set upon by a gang of homophobes, behind a stolen pair of J-Lo’s sunglasses. The 4H club rides him enough to really underscore the depth of Lori’s sell out two weeks earlier. But we all get past that pronto because really the whole show is about WMMD nominating Lori and Holly and just how freakishly weird the relationship between Scott-o-matic and Michael is shaping up. One look at pear shaped Opi in the diary room dressed in black shorts and a Stetson sitting beside Scott and his 800,000 calories a day body kinda makes ol Michael look a bit like a butt plug. Give it time... The girls are all over letting the last few foot-pounds of air out of Holly and keeping Lori but little miss muffet has crawled off her Jase covered tuffit. She stops piling her hair on top of her head like a Christmas tree and puts on about 8 solid oz’s less makeup and almost looks kinda normal (of course, she then opens her mouth to talk and the illusion vanishes in a puff of squeak). Holly doesn’t want to go...
Tuesday night is all about hair, veto’s, tears and an evil streak in Scott-o-matic that just makes ya wanna slap that rat bastard. Scott is reminding me of an evil version of the guy that played "The Tic" in that short lived show (not the GLORIOUS cartoon... the show). He rides Diane with some very in-your-face insulting talk as everyone watches and nobody calls him on it – fuckers. She’s close to the psychological edge. Veto is all about playing "untangle the knots and get yer rope out". The girls want it, but the 4H Club gets it. Lori gets the bug to go, but that would leave Karen with a sore ass, so she cries and plots enough votes to force her to stay. Lori relents in time to see Holly-Go-Lightly (and I mean Lightly) get saved by Jase, his bandana, sunglasses, 15 year old boy attitude and his little veto medallion. This puts Marvelous Marvin on the spot, so he jumps into the 4H Clubs clutches by putting Karen up along with Lori. Ooops.
"Screw that other food... I wanted the beer!" Atta boy Scott... keep on re-enforcing that "you knuckle dragging meat head" stereotype.
"We run this house!!" er... word Jase... ‘cept I’m thinking Big Brother is running the house and you are one dumb ass little manipulated mouse.
"If you can’t control your sister..." bwaahahahaha... yeah, Michael can’t control his bowel movements... sheeeeet.
"Have to look at Drew is like being a diabetic in an Ice Cream shop." So we know this is Will because the whole licking a vanilla ice cream cone imagery is just too huge. Meanwhile Will must be suffering morning wood like nobodies business.
"If we’re having an intellectual conversation... then what are you doing here?" Captain Fantastic (Scott) is diss’en out Diane again... And then a series of shots ring out as Scott crumples to the floor, blood squirting - Monty Python like - from his neck, head and chest... Sadly that’s right about when I wake up.
And in a moment of pure clarity, Karen asks the diary room camera "Where did you find these people?"
Most Memorable Moment
The very curious relationship between Scott and his butt plug, Michael, is really developing. We endure seeing them in the bath together, and watch Cowboy suffer all manner of indignity at the hands of the Four-H Club... but the real keeper is the shaving scene. Michael for some remarkably strange reason, lets Scott-o-matic shave his legs in "Racing stripes". Scott is kneeling on the floor in front of Michael (both of them are wearing a minimum of clothes, btw) and drawing a razor up and down Michael’s leg... Michael moves a bit and Scott dips his head out of the way to avoid playing Nuzzle the Penis. Then he says "Careful Cowboy... we don’t want to make this weird." Holy crap Knuckle boy... Talk about "Too Late". You are way WAY past the Weird Stage and you’ll be lucky to dodge the "Completely Psychotic" labels... I swear I’m afraid to read the live feed transcriptions ‘cause I’m sure Scott will have Michael milking his little pecker any minute now ... hahahaha...
Estrogen Is Your Friend
Well... Diane is crying after the drubbing Scott gives her... but she did try to stand up to him so she gets eleven extra points in my book. Of course, watching her say "Nobody breaks me down" ... while she breaks down, was kinda pathetic. Karen, the house cleaning woman is now on the block... and she is totally Miss SoundBite. She’s dishing it out great in the Diary Room and Jase in her sights. :D
William, ever pink and delightful was almost drunk with the perceived power of counting votes... right up until the veto fucked him over. So now all he’s got to work with are the obvious Dreams of Drew.
Adria continues to make me blush with unrestrained love as she works her deal with twin sister Nathalie. They – to me – are the single most redeeming quality in the show.
Lori became strangely normal when she was acting like she wanted to go. Hopefully she will go tonight... because, lord knows, we don’t want normal people in this house. !!
The 4H Club is just making me puke. They are high school personified in the way they treat their private lap dog, Michael and Scott-o-matic is the worst of the bunch. Michael is sadly oblivious but Nicoderm (his sister) is not and she’s a wee bit less than impressed. Her testosterone is evident and while she is no doubt all girl under the goth veneer, she steps up the game with testicles and I love that. Oh, and she got a Mohawk – that CBS apparently tried to talk her out.
Meanwhile apple pie continues to spill out of Drew’s tight little ass hole and he’s reading the good book at night... The girls are practically soaking their thighs ever time they see this boy... so I’m guessing they've all hear "shut up and swallow" way too many times in their short lives, but whatever. Drew is just about perfect... so he can’t possibly win.
Ok... it’s all about the A B C’s.
On the A team;
Nicoderm, Diane, Will, and Karen. (if she goes, replace that with Lori). That’s 4.
On the B team;
Jase, Scott, Michael, and Drew. That’s 4.
On the C undecided team;
Marvin, Adria and Holly.
The game is all about how the C’s divide up.
Don’t ya think?
Go go Adria / Nathalie.
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