January 28th, 2010


Wednesday, January 27

Ok... so the darkness has not yet departed.
I'm still hiding the ouch... Truth be told... I'm pretty good for the first part of the day.
but then some dumb ass thing comes along... today it was a fucking sneeze. I yelled at my desk...
loud enough to get coworkes on their chairs, looking over the ugly cubical walls to see if I was still alive.
Everything just goes down hill from there.

Honestly... after talking with suz for a while tonight, I'm thinking a pretty big part of the darkness
has to do with not being able to get the endorphins (or whatever it's called) that I was getting pretty
much every day from the gym work-outs. I feel feeble and I hate that more than I can begin to explain.

I am so frustrated at being incapacitated.
It is so frigg'en agrivating to have brought myself so far... and have to just sit here... feeling myself slip backwards.
The "wound" area... has no feeling. I can touch it and it's like touching someone else... no nerves yet.
But the area around it... literally into my back and hip bone and all across my gut... gets to ache'en* after a while.
Imagine sitting on the front edge of a chair and leaning back into the back-rest.
So far so good.
Now get up.
No matter how you do it... pulling with handles, or whatever, when you lift, you engage the exact area that is hurt.
Engaging that muscle group... sends red hot bolts of fire across my body and ... it really totally suckscocksinhell.
Only good thing... Coworkers... just freaking rock.
The gym partners at work are being stellar .... bringing back coffee from 'bucks and just being super supportive.

And i got a wicked good (and long) text message from Miss New to Text'ing (zebra) in the middle of the day
that put out a lot of the negative homelife fires that I have been nurturing with my evil vibes.
Translation: i love that girl.

~ yeah, so I was in the swish-swish pants again today... (gym pants that don't hurt)
~ managed to do the white shirt w/ argyle sweater... so, when seated, I kinda looked normal. :)
~ and stop making jokes... I know "normal" has no place here...
~ wednesday... if you know me at all... you know that wednesdays are the most important days for me at work.
~ I'm training my "replacement" (I'll be moving to a new section in April, but same client...), so "Lee" (my replacement) shadowed me this morning. :D
~ the day starts (at the office) at 8 getting ready for the 9 - 10 meeting with EVERYBODY. It was - without a doubt - the most awesome "wednesday morning meeting" EVER. (I kinda rock with this stuff...)
~ the rest of the day was spent doing minutes, and making a slide deck for a show I have to give management tomorrow afternoon.
~ home to collect the family and go out for pizza - et. al. - for Ed's birthday - he turned TWELVE!!!!!! today. :D Edward was TWO when I started this journal. :)
~ went to my folks house after that to fix up some email problems they were having...
~ home to fix up some computer problems Suz was having with Sims3... ended up just ripping the ram out of my computer and swapping it with hers. (I had faster/more... now I have slower/less... la la la...)
~ and now? here I am...
~ for the always and forever lovely sirenity to get some good news... or maybe just get to spend time where she wants...
~ that whatever patience militantmomma can muster... is enough. He'll be home ... eventually. :(
~ that kitiara kicks the head... cold... soon. :)
~ and for zaxwrit to hold onto that wonderful vibe... and congrats to her main squeeze. !!! :D

Birthday moments...
Twelve years ago tonight... after 36 hours of labour... the doctors decided that Suz was never going to be able to squeeze John Edward Andrew out ... so i got dressed in the scrubs that I still have packed away in my closet... and sat at her head and shoulders in an OR while Dr. Pop sliced her open and unwedged our little ...well, not so little, Edward from the birth canal. :) He was 10lbs4ozs... then he took this vast pee into a tray that the nurse was holding... and they pronounced him a 10lb baby boy.
If I was to break it down to the simplest terms... George is in a hurry to grow up, and Edward wants to stay a little kid as long as he can. :)
My heart knows no joy that can begin to compare to the way I feel about my boys...
Edward, my most darling little monkey... thank you.
And may the year ahead keep you safe, healthy and happy.
For my part... I will let no danger come to you that has not had to fight its way past me first.
I love always and forever.

My rant to my employer about "Free Beer and Pizza Day"
(see previous posts... it's too long to 'splain here)
was sent up the chain and I was invited to call the VP today and talk to him about it.
So i did.
He pretty much said the following:
We've been doing this for 10 years and have only had to send someone home in a taxi twice, we like it, and we're going to keep doing it.
Translation: bite me.
I told him straight up that I was disappointed in his attitude and that I felt the company's reputation is tarnished by this flagrant disrepect for decency.
And it ended there.
I work for a company that rolls the dice with drinking and driving and likes to pretend that plying a select few employees with free beer before they drive home in rush hour traffic makes them appear to be fun-bobbies.
It sickens me.

Driving home from work... I take this beautifully paved road that runs through open country.
The road I hit a pair of deers on a few years ago...
It was about 5:30... darkness was winning the battle with dusk.
I was totally driving slow... and I was pretty much alone on the road... there was no fear of hitting anything...
I could see them in the woods beside the road...
And I saw when the leader just up and decided it was time to cross...
So I stopped... and watched... counting fifteen deer crossing the road, two feet in front of my bumper.
Steam was comming off their sleek bodies...
Every now and then one would look at the car,
It felt like they were look at me.
It was awesome.
When they were done...
I remember mumbling "thank you", as I accelerated away.

Just before I sat down to write this...
I was swapping ram in our computers.
Our dusky fucking computers.
I was on my ass, on the floor...
and sneezed.
I wanted to cry... but Ed was standing in the doorway
he wanted a hug before he fell asleep.
he got a lot of new lego for his b-day...
he was / is in a special kind of kid heaven.

that was hard.

~ k... I gotta go.
I'm exhausted.
See you tomorrow.

Thursday, January 28

So can I just say... the weather is abso-fucking-lootly awesome bad.
Deep cold... freeze spit before it hits the ground.
Major wind causing total white-outs while driving.
and the temps are diving down down down...
tomorrow is going to suck super bad.

I'm a lot less "dark" today...
and I'm back on top of things with my clients (a lot of catching up after the operation)
~ but I am still behind the eight ball on a project that needs my total attention tomorrow.

Meanwhile... I'm preparing to tell my employers to suck-it over some "extra work" they want me to do this monday.
A lot will happen on that front tomorrow... so... big ass drama is in store for tomorrow.

And I'm feeling some really good vibes with friends at work.
This does so much for my spirits... you can't believe.
I'm such a light weight with the "enjoying friendships".
Look... when life consipires to shink the "circle of friends" down to almost nill...
It's wicked easy to feel over the moon when you start finding ways to ... start redrawing the circle. :)

I wager that most people go through the shrinking circle thing...
it's part of the journey
From childhood, to school age, to post-secondary... to love, marriage, family and career...
Every step brings the circle in closer... because that's just the way of things.
Sure, for some folks this just doesn't happen... and they maybe don't even know how lucky they are.
But for many... the needs of career and family, necessarily replace a large part of the social scene.
So finding your way back... even a little... can be very uplifting.

~ so today I had a show to do... so I didn't wear the swish-swish pants.
~ I wore nice jeans and the brown turtleneck.
~ this was fine... till about 3:00... then it started to hurt. eh...
~ home... commando, in pj pants and a little lie down ... did the trick.
~ long day at work... much drama (funny how everything is so frick'en dramatic when I can bearly go fifteen seconds without getting frustrated. This makes for some very ... "snap" decisions... as in... making a decision, and needing to say "oh snap" right afterwards. :)
~ gave a show at 1:00 ... to my client director and her management team. 20 minutes in... major side track as I get bold and point out a complete error in their understanding of how things are going in their org. It wasn't a guess... it was a clear fact. They got that... and it all went kinda dramatic after that. Not "against me" or anything... just a big "gosh moment" for the bosses and now some poo will smack against the blades and maybe... just maybe... something will change. :)
~ took Ed to karate... brought Geo so he could help me get some groceries and then I took both boys to McDeath for dinner. I do not like the angus burgers. Honestly... there is no substitute for a big-mac. :)
~ home to turn around a brave the evil weather to finish off my March Of Dimes canvassing in the hood. Rasied 200$ from my section of the hood ... nice. :)
~ now I'm waiting for Ed's bed time... maybe watch a show with Geo and Suz... and then BED. Sweet mercy I am constantly exhausted!!!
~ that chiropteraclan keeps her lunches safe...
~ to send a smile to lisabella for no reason other than that I've been enjoying her journal. :)
~ for sodiumbisulfite ... to stay the course and find some wonderful lights in the darker parts of her deal...
~ and to congratulate fit_girl_jessy on sticking with it... owning your fitness effort takes courage.

Birthday moments...
Happy birthday to the long lost teaser... and yeah, I know you're over in fb... remarried and rebuilding life in sunny south africa... :) May there be new joys to fill the year ahead. :)

You are the two and the five
In my world of love.
Always the easiest to add up.
No matter how blue things get,
When everything looks like a seven
There you are...
Making it easy on my heart all over again.

It appears that pain medication,
combined with a metabolism dedicated to hard core healing,
is one awesome recipe for seriously stinky movements.
la la la...

Ok... time to get Ed in his bed.
See ya soon.