November 24th, 2000

newavi

(no subject)

Hiya LJ. kind of a weird night... I'm hoping I get some time this aft to sorta spill on it cause it helps to clear the webs from the thinker. I gotta get moi gonzo crap done this morning with some clients stuff so cy later.

Oh, one thing though. I felt super major freaken awful last night... first complete "lost it" emotional zone since I found LJ... I heard nice things from some friends and that helped... thanks. I had a way groovy exp with connecting via online chat (you know... tippidy tappidy typen back and forth - I'm guessing IRC is a basically that... real time typing) with a LJ friend and that was really awesome... made me think of other things instead of how shitty I was feeling - and, of course, it was super cool to connect across the continent.

Just kinda imagine I'm standing behind all of you giving you a nice around the shoulders hug/squeeze and quietly saying 'thanks' into your ear and squooshing the side of my face (just a bit) against the side of yours... (now that theres no bad smokey breath ... this actually does not suck!).

ps. dude, can guys get away with doing that to each other in your end of the world? I've done this to boiz and gotten away with it... without the whole homophobic HEY! setting in... mostly 'cause my work mates already know I'm an extreme everything and are beyond being surprised by me... but other than that... guys don't hug enough. I'm not all hurten to hug all my guy friends but I'm see'ing loads of sensitivity with the y chromosomally challenged set lately (did I get that right... 50/50 guess) and I'm just wondering when do the barriers come down for boiz... never prol'y.
pps. I remember when I decided to start giving my dad kisses on the cheek ... you know, when we all show up on an occasion or whatever... in my fam it was very much not done with dad forever... I kinda decided that he was gonna die one day and I wanted him to have been kissed by me a few times before that happened 'cause I just know I would totally die if the first time I did that was when he was a corpse... (sick I know but a strong motivator). He likes it!!! Good daddy.

gotta fly... c ya
  • Current Music
    BloodHound Gang - Along Comes Mary
newavi

(no subject)

Doing 'walk like an egyptian' style dancing in your ergo-office chair looks way stupid but feels great ... thank god (or whoever) for headphones.
  • Current Music
    Everclear - Everything To Everyone
newavi

(no subject)

Ok, so it's spill time. This is gonna go on for a bit.
(By the way ... this is a good tune... catches you)

So I got this problem with parenting... I am a BIG SUCKER. My kids are 3 and 5 and they have me wrapped around their little fingers. This really isn't so bad, I mean I just love them soooo much and blah blah blah. BUT:

It also pans out like this (something totally understood by most parents and greek to those that are yet to realize what it's all about...) - for example: once your kiddies get it in their heads that when you say "Stop" they can Not Stop and all that will happen is you'll say "STOP" again, then they basically stop giving a crap about you saying "stop" (or whatever). Now discipline is a great thing... I mean, kids need - thrive on - schedules, calm, and rules that are understood. Sure, from there you can break out of the mold and get silly, but you can't live silly... They (kiddies) need a little organization in their lives and you (mom&dad) need the relief from constantly trying to control crazy kiddies.

I may be rambling here, (but tough) So the idea is that Z is basically super mom... I know this completely. This is a compliment not sarcasm. The kids know when mom says "stop" she means it BIG TIME. I'm not a complete looser on that front - I've read the books (i.e. magic 1-2-3) etc. and they do listen and they totally love me... its just a discipline thing. They get away with more shit when I'm in charge than when Z is at the helm. While that's not such a horrid thing, it does create it's own "other" problems.

So, I GET THIS! and I'm trying.

I get up in the night (at least 60 % of the times that its required) to deal with crying baby. I get up at 6:30, shower and deal with who ever is up (kiddies) and make coffee, shave, dress, bring the coffee to Z and SPLIT for work. One hour commute on a bus. I work like crazy while she - no doubt works like crazy at home (*believe me, this is not a she does, he does thing... I know she works hard). I get off work and bus it home. When I get there, more often than not, I make dinner and goof with kids (no question that I am the cook type in our house). Then pack away dinner and get the kids ready for bed (into the bath and into pjs) while Z cleans up. We split the kids at bed time - reading, cuddling and "get to sleep"ing.

Other than the weekends, this is the extent of my time with the junior juices... I cherish it. Now totally ignoring the complete short fucking fuse I have visa vi my non-smoking deal, when Z lays into me with some sarcastic crack about how I'm letting them walk all over me I tend to let that PISS ME OFF. As it did last night. I refuse to turn on Z and give er what for... not my style... I want to "talk about it" later... but when I pop, I pop by walking out of the room and pacing a bit. (used to go for a smoke! but ...)

Any ways, it totally got the better of me when Z put me on the spot while we were dressing the little monsters for bed and when I tried to deal with it with Z later she basically just dragged me through the I suck at parenting thing and I got WAY more pissed off.

Zebra has a bad ass cold and is about 4 days from going totally pre-minstrel so I know I gotta cut slack but last night I was major aggravated. And wanting to chill with a little toot let alone a smoke did not, even a little, help. I may be milking the "I'm all sensitive cause I just quit smoking" thing a bit but that's going to have to be happy filed under TOUGH SHIT too - cause my option is to just cave. and I do not want to go there.

After some lj talk'ing and online stuff I finally crawled into the sack and even set the vcr to tape Z's fav show (she a Bewitched'a'holic) and we ended up super bodies entwined snuggling against the cold stuff till morning and I'm hoping the after work zone will start with a big mutual hug and mutually whispered "sorry"s and "I luv you"s. I let you know later if that worked out of if it just got shitty again... I'm banking on it getting good.
  • Current Music
    Poe - Walk the Walk
newavi

(no subject)

ps. I'm not gonna correct it... but I am going to point out that I'm thanking spell checker for landing me with a wife that is soon-to-be using a lute and touring the countryside seeking alms.

Menstrual no minstrel :)
newavi

(no subject)

corto update (lol)
Things is groovy! we had the big hug, hold, squeez and snuggle with little words about short fuses and love. yeah!