Survivor VIII : The All Stars
Rupert’s Hard On
Wherein... a new tribe is named, Kathy cries, everybody holds their breath and Rupert fancies himself a ladies man. Oh, and while Boston Knob is sure playing the game... don't ya just hate that guy?
(the show in as few words as possible!
Hiya, my name is Lex... I am, actually, an avitar from a cheesy knock off Japanese video game... dig my hat? check my ink... Yeah, well I trust Rob, so I am a dink.
Pan pan pan, cameras taking in Rob talking about his hot chick, Rob tripping, and Rob panicking. He goes for a new alliance with Alicia and then everybody is off to Reward. It's an individual reward challenge that demands endurance, strength and massive lung power... the girls could have basically gone for a little lie down. The prize? a night at the spa, and take two friends - from either tribe. Rupert, still in pirate mode, wins and decides to take Jenna and Amba. The both ho it up real good... and there are big smiles on the furry man. Back from the spa (next day) and the gang assembles on the beach. It's merge time and a big do-over at the old Saboga camp. They go for the first Indi Immunity and find another twist. Dueling immunity; one boy and one girl as the game is once again about lung power. Boys on boys and girls on girls... and as fun as that may sound, it was a wicked hard hold yer breath game. Kathy and Rob wear the tacky necklaces. It's game on for loser Lex as the folly of his trust in Boston Knob yanks him around by his nose ring and Rob pulls a Lex by going to tell him of his impending ouster. Lex has a flip attack while Kathy cries and life just sucks for him. One has to wonder if he imagines at all how Jerry and Ethan felt. Rob shoots for "don't hate me because I am beautiful" and Jeff tells 'em it's time to make a Jury. We all think Kathy will give Lex her necklace but it's time to put the painted pony out to pasture... Bang... yer a dead Lex.
Most Memorable Moment
So His Royal Knobishness, Rob is a focal point for background talk about how schmoopy Knob and Amba are. Rob is shown walking across the rocky shore with a setting sun gracing the landscape. The light is soft, the music is delicate, and words of discovered love drift to our ears. And then Rob trips on a rock, stumbles and belts out an "ouch". It was absolute art from the editing room. :D
He Said, She Said.
"I will never write your name." Well yeah… like we haven't heard that before... This would be Alicia and Rob saying this to each other. What a couple of morons.
"Oh my gawd!" Jenna and Amba in unison when they arrive at the "spa" Didn't you just want to slap them?
"I wanted to kiss and hug 'em all over..." Careful there tiger... Rupert, you're none-to-well-disguised insanity is about to burst out through your bulging eye sockets.
Rob: "What? 'Save Amba an' I'll help you!' ?? what? you believed that..." and I think to myself… one million dollars…
Rob: "Make no mistake... I am playing dis game..." Dude, d'ya think?
Amba: "my mind is like ... freaking out..." Whoa... hold on there... you're making a pretty big assumption.
Jeff: "It matters HOW you vote them out..." indeed... and The Painted Pony, after scooping up his jaw, is Jury member number one... number one with a long memory.
The "elimination game in da wata". Dive down, get a pot, bring it back. Simple enough, except there are nine players and seven pots... eliminate two. Round two? same as round one, but five pots... round three... three pots. Final round? Two players move a 50 pound chest along the sea bed to shore.
The prize? A night at a kick'en spa, via Helicopter ride and loads of pampering. Oh, and take two friends - from either tribe.
The reaction? bwaahahahaa... Shi-Useless throws her scrawny arms up in full knowledge that she stands about as much chance of this as Ol'Tom stands of getting head from Alicia.
Rupert wins (his first reward ever) and ... while we wait for him to make us puke taking Rob and Amba with him, he goes for gold and picks Amber and Jenna. The girls go Barbi over the skin, hair, nail and tummy care products (with a Pantene branding moment) and manage to morph Jenna into a Bangkok Hooker. No seriously, it was freaking scary. Then, at the massage table we get this shot of Rupert... looking up at his face poking through a massage table head-hole... and all I can think is “fucking scary wonder wall".
We return to the beach as the Rupert and his ho's get back and everybody is asked to toss their buffs. They pull new ones and they're blue. It's merge time. They have to make their new home on the beach where the Saboga camp once stood. Lex looks to Rob for some post Amba-Saving pay back and we are treated to Rob, his horns and a delightful forked tongue. He and Amber do a little plott’en and then it's off to the Immunity game.
A new thing... surprise surprise. After the "fix" for a reward game, this time, with another water and hold-yer-breath game at hand, they divide the players up into a boys and a girls team. They are competing for two "individual" immunity necklaces (very cheesy looking kitsch factories on string). A girl will win one and boy, the other. The game starts with a last two standing (per team) thing, holding your breath under water. Then the two finalists from each team dive down to untie a series of buoys. Release all 10 and you win. Lex had a commanding lead over Rob and ... I dunno... he fucked it... (and himself). Kathy takes the other.
Survival, Darwin Style
Amber calls Rob on the notion that it's only a matter of time before the rest of them turn against Rob and his little crown. He blows this off and fries Lex completely. Kathy had a moment of potential when she started making serious noises about giving Lex her necklace at the Tree House, but she demurred. A total mistake. The votes would have been split, and sure Kathy would have had a few (Rob, Amber, for sure) but the Amber vote would have won the day - in my opinion. This would have destabilized Rob, and put Kathy in a better position to curry favour - or whatever.
The Magic Tree House
Jeff kicks things off by telling them that this is now Jury time. Voted off means "on the jury" and here we have Lex poised to fry and boy is he gonna be pissed at Rob. Rob makes a desperate plea "If I'm yer fwend, I'm yer fwend. If aftah dis is ova, yer not ma fwend... ip dubidya yip boobidy bop thug mig fwanda han." or something like that...
Kathy does not opt to give Lex her necklace and Lex's jaw hits the floor. No really, he was agog. The votes come and go and we get to hear Lex make his "I've got family and friends, and that's enough for me" speech. Then he and his ugly earrings are gone...
~ next time is the "glimpse from home" thing... no doubt, tears and maybe even "oh look, it's your wife, etc..." walking up the beach.
~ Please god, don't let Shi-Useless win this game...
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