Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

on friendship

hmmm.... from much earlier today:
hiya lj... coming to you live from about 20,000 feet over some state on a sunny and clear beautiful summer (ha!!!) day. I was checking out the assortment of gifts i bought for the boiz before I packed 'em up and noticed a bit of visual weight on Ed's side so I figured I'd even things up a bit (remarkably important to keep things even steven...) by getting Geo a little something in the Disney store at the airport... just a little "Pluto" stuffed thingy... and then I went and left it in the security station AHHHHHH! crap.
I'm about 4 hours away from being in 10 feet of snow and 6 inches of ice... (more 'crap!') :D
on friendship.
I have come to realize that honesty... completely ignoring any effort to wear a mask, can hurt a friendship in the RW. It's not that I want to wear a mask to disguise myself but rather that some things need to be left unsaid so that acquaintances can become friends in response to some mutually understood desire. The alternative seems to be that you end up creating pull back in your relationship... stuff you worry about having said being an issue or judged harshly... Keeping in mind that I'm talking about real world relationships, and the seeming necessity to hold shit back, I am sad to see so much punk-ass activity on lj. Punk-Ass in this case is the harsh judgment thing. lj is a relief from the stress of holding stuff back... as my precious friend lianna said recently "an exhale at the end of the day...". (oh, note, I've just changed planes in Pittsburgh and an now on a dornier 328 jet-prop commuter plane making the final leg of my journey home...).
I don't expect or deliver the complete picture in my journal... guess you just gotta be me to get that... but I know that its a clearer picture than any real world acquaintance/friend is gonna see.
I'm going somewhere with this... really.
I once talked about having a list... a list of things that I want to do before I die. "Four Wheels Air born in San Francisco" while driving a rental, in honour of Michael Douglas was one thing I've crossed off my list and written about... :D Well, I'm adding a few names from my lj friends to the list. I've met a couple of LJ peeps and those meetings were wonderful. The sensation of instantly being at ease with someone has lead me to think that there is the potential to establish friendships that transcend the maximum possibilities of other RW friendships. A remarkable accomplishment - if i can pull it off - in these days of mistrust, isolation-al-ism, and fear.
The point: I want to meet some of these people so much that I already know it could hurt to loose them forever... you know who you are...
Bonus point: somebody did a little "judging corto" last night based on a post I made to a friend. It wasn't harsh, but it was push'en... I know what this friend deserves to hear (she's a fantastic girl) and I love to say it... makes me feel really good and I'm pretty sure it feels good to hear... my immediate reaction was defensive, then anger and then I gave up on both of those to try to do a little peace making... I mean, if she was nasty about it I guess the correct reponse would have been to deleter her posted reply and ignore but that was not the case. Now the issue is "will I feel less likely to post in the same fashion again?"... not a chance blackdreams, not a chance.
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