Survivor VIII : The All Stars
It's all about the Robs
Wherein... it is proven once and for all that Rupert can float. Jerri cries over spilt house, Hawk snivels over lunch, and manipulative love is in the air. The teams are polarizing into the "haves" and the "freaking imbecilic losers"... oh, and Mother Nature is Jeff’s bitch. He says "suffer" and she beats the crap out of the all-stars.
Survive This!
(the show in as few words as possible!
Another night of monsoon style rain and the three camps are floating in various degrees... Rupert’s team leading the way, of course. Boston Rob is being played like a Kennedy by Amber of-the-appropriately-timed Koo'ing noise. It's wake-up-wet-and-be-whiney day in Panama... with TFNF(the fat naked ...) pulling in a bounty of Eel meat... Picture Richard standing on a beach, arms up in the air holding three giant eels... fuzzy video obscuring his little shriveled boy toy. Then it's off to Reward. It's the guessing game of who has what and in the end, one team has a "survivor bathroom" and two teams have a new clue (three keys equals rice!). Chapera, the alpha team, gets the goods and finds their third key. Saboga, which apparently translates into "pathetic losers" come from behind to win Immunity in a game that wants brawn and brains... therefore leaving brawn-abundant Chapera in the dust. Chapera goes to the Magic Tree House and ... and throws the only player on their team with a brain off the island. Now Rob C and his hand can wait out the game at the production camp.
Most Memorable Moment
The morning after a seriously kick ass storm... we join Saboga at their beach... drinking in the delightful view of their in-ground pool. That stuff floating? That is exactly what is meant by "flotsam and jetsam" ... The whole Saboga gang spent the night sitting unsheltered in the torrential downpour watching Rupert’s idea fill up with water. Oh my god... what losers. They should all have official Survivor L's tattooed across their chests. (they really should have snuggled together to generate a little heat... but again... losers!!!)
He Said, She Said.
"You are so warm...." and the sound editors add a little zing to her sigh... What they cut out was the name... she actually said "You are so warm, Little Elvis." to which Rob replied "ohhhh... yeah... right there!!!"
"My stupid shelter is destroyed." & "We are homeless." and I can still hear him saying "I'm forty years old... I've been building houses for 20 years..." You freaking moron.
"We've played this game with kisses and hugs, now it's time to see if you can eat bugs..." Ok, this is Rob C ... joking about what the reward challenge is... and of course, Susan The-Dreaded-Hawk pops up with "I'll eat what ever they put in front of me..." THEY WIPES HER HAND ACROSS HER SNOTTY NOSE and continues to stir lunch. The water never runs in her bathroom at home after a pee... you just know it.
"You have no bone to give me!" quips nasty Susan as she and Richard trade barbs across the reward challenge... and indeed, thanks to Shi-Ann last week, we already know this about Richard.
"I'm 25... young, having fun." Amber... and is this a good time to remind you that "amber" is the number one most popular stripper name?
"I'm 48, old, and watching... having fun..." Big Tom responds to Amber's comment about hanging her hat - so to speak - on Boston Rob. Big Tom, of course, will be web mastering "www.ohlookyouleftthedrapesopen.com" when he gets home.
"I'm very emotional Jeff..." um... actually Rob, you're mixing dim-witted up with emotional there. Amber, meanwhile, manages to call him a loud mouth doofus (paraphrase) on national television. You just know she can do a lot better than this guy.
Reward
Ok... everybody line up in a crescent and stand with a little box of stuff in front of you. You have several things in your box... so does everyone else... but not necessarily all the same stuff. Then everybody takes turns asking each other for something... If you have what is asked of you, you give it over. Get two of something and you get a point. So basically, if you ask for a rock and you don't get one, be sure the next person is gonna ask you for a rock. The team with the most "pair points" at the end wins. Shi-Anne, an all around useless, skinny piece of human flesh asks Alicia for a feather, immediately after Alicia gets a point for turning in a pair of feathers... and turns the tide of the game away from Mogo Mogo. Chapera wins and for their effort they get a booty of a porta-potty, loads of soaps and a camp shower thing...
Immunity
The game they didn't get to play last week... thanks to Jenna taking an exit... gets played today. Three teams of four... one dance caller, and three blind mice per team. The dance caller directs the blindfolded "collectors" around a large space to collect these big colored styrofoam blocks that, in the end, have to be assembled into a cube... all puzzle like.
Well sure... that sounds fine... except you have to remember... these people are freaking idiots. Alicia (caller) walks Big Tom dead into other players carrying blocks a few times and once he is totally taken out... Richard has Lex crawling through the brambles like it was maybe just a sick sorta punishment thing Richard's been hatching... and Jerri? She's yelling herself horse, which would then match her voice up with her face...
Chapera gathers their pieces first, followed by Saboga and Mogo Mogo brings up the rear... then they have to use their brains to assemble the 3D puzzle. Chapera drops to did-not-finish, Mogo Mogo comes in second and Sabogo gets their first taste of the immunity idol. Note: Jeff always ends up giving the whale portion of the two-part idol to Richards’s team... coincidence? I don't think so!
Chapera
ok.. so it's all about Chapera this season... Boston Rob's star is in assention while Rob C.'s star is flaming out... Boston thinks he's the all the shit and I'm thinking his strings are being plucked by a crafty little Amber... I may give her too much credit, but it's not like Robs a hard mark. Susan Hawk is in her scary glory... looking like an "I miss my husband" pillow wearing a bikini and dripping bodily fluids into the meal the fools are letting her cook. blech. They find their third key, well, Boston finds it, while Rob C. does this Linus digging for his blanket thing at the beach... So they're feasting on rice now.
Saboga
Um... well... what can you say... how many days have they been in Panama and they spent the night of the worst storm in ages... sitting outside as solitary icons to their decrepit-ness. Jenna has lost the stupid feather - phew - and was even mothering ol'Jerri out of her depression. Ethan is sitting with much greater security now that Rupert has out'ed himself as the poster boy for Morons Of America.
Mogo Mogo
Lex and Colby... just biding their time. Richard's all about being the guy who brings home the food but when they open that chest - as Lex points out - his stock will do a little Enron thing... and fat, naked, obnoxious-as-hell AND unnecessary will be he death of TFNF. Oh, Cathy did had a momentary Princess Leia thing with balls of twine held at her ears and Shi-Ann is remarkably useless... don't ya think?
Survival, Darwin Style
I'm just say'en... You don't win Survivor on the strength of yer eels.
You Nasty Little...
Please bear with me but Alicia is fucking making me sick. Her phony smiles, affected laugh and the endless stream of total bullshit that leaks out every time she opens her mouth. Gah!
The Magic Tree House
So Jeff gets his hands on Shapera for the first time... he tries to see how wet Amber's panties really are but she's not taking the bait (hence my suspicion that she's smarter than she acts) and ol'Tom provides all the necessary sound bites. They lead us to think that Alicia was a potential candidate for the big toss... but that was a typical distraction away from Rob C.'s ultimate demise. The votes are cast and when Jeff starts to read 'em we get the "One for Alicia One for Rob C." classic start... then the next is a Rob C. with a cutesy little happy face in the "C" ... Rob knows his numbers up right there and then... We get to see his lips mouth FUCK at least four times...
Two things...
~ next week they're bringing out some big twist... any guesses? I'm thinking maybe they have to form two tribes... I suppose the answers to all this are "out there" but I'm not looking...:D
~ when Tom comments about a raft "that's the best built thing since Alicia!" and Susan Hawk responds with some crack about him being a dirty ol'drunk... you just know those two are going to have a gooooood fight sooner or later.
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