Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Hernia #2

So ... all about a hernia.

This might be pretty lame... or boring, especially if you've had any kind of an operation.
I consider entries like this... to be "record keeping" sorta things... so feel free to avoid the TMI'ishness of this entry.


So back in 2001 I had a really nasty hernia on the right side... got it when I made a dastardly mistake moving our television... and suffered with it for about two months before I realized what was wrong. I had the operation in August 2001 and in October, I did something to hurt it again and it's been a problem ever since. Somehow (and I'm not sure what event did it) I managed to get a new hernia on the left side. So the hernia doc had said that the problem with the right side wouldn't be fixed unless it got a lot worse or they were "in there" for some other reason. Fixing the new hernia on the left was "in there" so they did both sides today. [ :: this is a pretty gross picture :: ] of the healing scar from the operation taken back in August 2001. You've been warned.

This kind of a hernia is manifest in a very visible thing poking out of your gut... kind of soft and squishy but "sticking out" none the less. It looks almost normal and then you "clench" or cough or something and it does this ewww thing by poking out further. Very "aliens" like. It's about the size of a large finger bent in half. There's a tare in a part of your gut that your insides sorta poke through... I could go look up all the proper ways of saying that... but screw it.
[ :: ok, this is a picture of the hernia "alien" taken weeks ago. :: ] You can't see much but you can see "where" it is and what area it covers. I'm not "squeezing skin together" ... I'm just putting my fingers on either side of the hernia alien.
They fix it by opening a little slice and sewing this "mesh" to either side of the tear to hold it closed... In my case, there are tubes (body parts) that pass through the area where the tear is so the mesh kinda goes around the tube and reinforces the part that was torn.

So... off to the hospital. Went to the hospital a while ago, once to see the surgeon and another time to fill out the paperwork for the "out patient operation". Today I show up at 9:15 and they show me to a room... then Z hangs out while I get into the little "gown" (cliché Ties-in-the-back thing) and we both comment "Rats! we forgot the camera!". I lie down and z takes off.

Nurse Juanita shows up to put in the IV. She describes it as feeling like a screw being twirled into your hand. Pretty accurate. She puts this fairly long needle into the back of my left hand.. into a prominent vein. The "needle" part is in a thin plastic sheath. She pulls the needle out, leaving the sheath inside. This is hooked to a tube and up to a bag of some sugary water stuff up on a hook over the bed. The "tube" has a couple of junctions at which another drug can be added to the stream flowing into you. Note: big bag... you really need to pee later. She's done... she leaves and I kinda pass out and snooze for an hour. A new little burly nurse comes in and explains about the "anti inflammatory" they are about to give me... "please roll onto your left side, lift your knees and take a deep breath..." It's a suppository... Nurse Burly slides that baby home with a never-you-mind... Geez... if your gonna stuff something in my ass, a woman really needs to take it slow and speak sweetly first... Any ways... that's it... I'm ready.

They're ahead of schedule so I get wheeled down at 10:30. While I wait el doctarey chats me up a bit and lays the black magic marker on my left side making a big X where they're going to operate. He also goes through this evil exercise of working out the "most painful" spot on the other problem (right side). Imagine: Ok... does that hurt? OUCH... How about this? OUCH... ok what about this? OUCH... Which was worst? Lets start again... gah!!!! Any ways, the next thing I know I'm walking to a table in this FREEEEEZING COLD operating theater. I climb onto the table and nurse #1 brings me a (wow!!!) super warm big folded, heated, blanket... and drapes it over me.

I met the anesthetist (sp?)- Dr. Sleep, both nurses and the surgeon (know him well) in the hall before the operation. Inside I ask few questions and we're all good to go. Oh, I asked them about this thing that's been bugging me for ages... Does the inside of person sink? I mean, everything that comes out stinks and there's no "scent" on The Life Network when you watch those ghastly operation shows... So I ask about this... Apparently, no. It only smells bad if they operate on a bowel.

I thank #1 profusely for the blanket and Sleepy-Man shows me a needle he calls... the "Glass of Wine". This goes into the IV tube and in about 10 seconds I'm buzzing. He explains what I should expect from the next needle. Big honking thing with this opaque white stuff. This goes in and it's time for the 6 seconds to darkness. My left hand instantly feels cold and tingly and at the exact same time, I am overwhelmed by this "smell" ... it's an antiseptic "doctors office" sorta smell... Nurse #2 looks down at me... The cold thing begins to travel up my arm... it reaches my shoulder...

I awaken in the recovery room a couple of hours later. Not moving... just there... Nurse #3 (new person) greets me to get me talking and inside of another 15 minutes someone is wheeling me back to my room. There snooze till like 2:00 and they bring me a "clear liquid lunch" ... broth, juice, COFFEE-absofuckinglootlyterriblecoffee, jello. She warned me about this lactose free sweet stuff in a little plastic cup and I didn't even peel the lid off of it. :D

Take two Tylenol 2's and spend the time till 5:00 reading and snoozing... Oh, this is the 'Arnprior Memorial Hospital' - a small town near Ottawa (that is closer for us to drive to, than the big metro hospital on the other side of town and they ARE WONDERFUL THERE... very kind and "personal".) Point is... it's not fancy. I had to give myself a sponge bath! :D You would not believe the huge amount of iodine they spread over my body ... tummy to thighs. I have to get up and out of the bed every 15 minutes and walk back and forth for a minute then back to bed. The first few times the nurse helps. Oh, and the rule is that you have to pee before they let you leave... so i had to do that. Remember that IV thing... pee'd like ... forever... but I'm absolutely dying to fart and I can't... like I'm talking long long gurgling noises in my guts and cramps... cramps cramps... ug. Sit on can... nothing. Tummy muscles are basically off and this is pain. I managed to sort that out after getting home... (hahaha TMI sorry) :D Any ways, they brought a light dinner (chicken sammich and tea, and something orange and spongy that was probably supposed to be yummi but looked like a science experiment gone wrong) and I had that... Suzanne showed up at 5:30 according to the plan we were signed out.

Now I'm home and about to take a couple more Tylenol 2's and try to ignore my gut. It doesn't hurt... so long as I don't a) cough, b) sneeze, c) walk, d) move at all actually or e) attempt to do anything but type or click a remote control... Which is fine with me for a bit... I just don't wanna cough!! that would suck.

Oh and when the "dressing" is off... I'm gonna take another gross picture...
edit: three days later...
it's not all that gross but still, you takes'yer chances... :D
[ :: the hernia incision :: ]
[ :: and a serious close up :: ]
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  • shiver

    You know that shiver you get through your shoulder blades and down your back when you feel cold. Maybe you’ve just left the restaurant and you’re…

  • selfie

    as I read and read and read about "Selfies"... I quietly say to myself... "um... yeah, tell me again how selfies are a new thing." lol. :)

  • Monday, February 17, 2014

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