Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor 8 Update!!!!

Survivor 8: The All Stars!!

Whatever Floats Yer Boat

Wherein... we are subjected to altogether too much of the fat fags nakedness... or fuzzy video, a talkative girl stuffs her own head in a fire, parasites make a home in the old guy while everybody gets food they can’t eat.

Survive This!
(the show in as few words as possible!
Would you like some cheese with that? Everybody is whining about the lack of drinking water... because none of the SURVIVOR ALLSTARS can start a fire (or, accounting for the fat naked fag’s claim, is willing to start a fire.) Rudy, however, is willing to chug. So he joins Susan Hawk in loading up on Panamanian parasites. Mogo Mogo tries adjusting to Richards ever present waggling cock, and everybody starts sucking rain out of the sky. They are all given a top secret and seriously locked chest with a note attached reading "Don’t Open, Very Valuable, Keep Dry"... So Boston Rob wants to smash it open immediately – and thankfully for Chapera, he is overruled. The play a game for blankets and everybody gets a flint instead. The chest is locked with three pad locks and they all get a map to key number 1. The flint is a big plus though... because we were all waiting for Jenna to stuff her head in a fire. Rudy’s looking like an unwrapped mummy, Hatch is looking like an Andy Worhol play toy, and Alicia will apparently ruin her nails if she gets wet. Immunity requires a little thinking, leaving Saboga right out of the running and while mop head (Ethan) is sure his goose is cooked, it’s mercy kill’en time at the tree house so Rudy is on the long limp to the production camp.

Most Memorable Moment
At the Magic Tree House, waiting to vote Rudy’s dying ass off the show, Jeff engages everyone in his typical banter. Jerri (evil witch queen Jerri) gets into the game and the camera holds on her for a few moments. YIKES. Her hair is pulled back and the skin on her face looks like someone has a fist full of her skin behind her head and is PULLING HARD. Dude... I’m just saying... stick a pin her nose tip and I bet all the skin would snap back revealing her skull. Lovely thought huh.

He said, she said...
Colby on the subject of the perpetually naked fat fag... "The bad part... is we’re all getting used to it! That’s the spooky part!" And the girls are just hoping Cheese Boy will join in the naked fun.

"... we might upset pretty boy Probst..." ooooh... now that’s gotta earn Boston Rob a few points when he gets to council... :D

"Why is it so cold?"
"Because we don’t have a fire!"
"our lame boys didn’t make us a fire..." Yikes. Mogo Mogo ... 5 days without fire... I’m thinking yer all pretty lame.

Jeff, in fine form at The Magic Tree House: "Rupert starts to catch fish... that makes him really valuable.... Ethan?" bwaahahaha... Ethan could hardly answer as he was busy peeing his pants.

"If I was them I’d stay clear of me... I gotta lotta friends." Geezus Rudy... I already knew you were a freaking nut job... but that sure sounds like a nationally broadcast threat.

Ok... the game is to swim out to five consecutively more distant logs floating in the lagoon to win a stack of blankets. Bring home each log, starting with the most distant and drop a swimmer each cycle, until its one swimmer getting the closest log. Use the logs to complete this stair structure deal then climb ‘em. Fist team with everyone on top is da winner!
Richard yanks off his shorts while Ethan and Rudy help Saboga take an early lead. Rudy (Saboga) looks pretty much like he may stop impersonating Keith Richards and go that extra mile to actually be dead. Chapera drops Alicia first... which confusels me... but ok.
Every time Jeff referred to Boston Rob... he made a point of saying "Rob’s having trouble with his log".
It was a tough game... lots of tired people and an almost dead old guy... and Saboga takes the prize. Then THE GIANT WIMPS AT CBS lay out a special offer. Jeff asks Saboga if they will trade their blankets in exchange for EVERYONE getting a cook pot, a flint and a map to the first Key (to the big secret chest that is apparently filled with rice). So that’s food and fire... What do they get next week? Happy Meals?

"Whatever Floats Yer Boat!"
Again with the water... and each team has to sit a player out (besides the losers in Saboga) so Alicia is on the lines again. Is she water-phobic?
There’s a dingy 10 feet down, sunk with a bunch of crates tied into each boat. The game is to get the crates out, float yer boat and row it to shore, carry it up and claim your idol. Chapera wins the rider, and Mogo Mogo (Hatch) taking the whale again. This leaves Saboga destined for the Magic Tree House again... Even though they were the first to realize that flipping the sunken boat works a hulluva lot faster than lifting each crate out... Unfortunately this knowledge did not translate well into the floating part so while the other teams flip their floating boats to get the water out, Saboga is busy bailing... forgetting their paddle and capsizing. Remarkably stupid actually.

Let’s hear it for Darwin!
Yeah... ok, so here’s a flint but you know... it’s only been four days without fire or potable water... yeah... let’s wait another day. Why bother to light a fire... I’d rather sleep in the cold again. Kathy is close to having Lex’s stink berries for breakfast.

Dunno what the deal is with Alicia-the-Dry but she manages to stay out of the wet work. Amber and Boston Dork stick together and Tom wants to take a crap on Alicia’s head. So far, Susan’s done nothing but look scary in her little black bikini. Clearly she’s here for the weight loss plan while Hand-Man-Rob is only getting the most nominal sound bites. His time will come.

Ethan feels a whole lot like a Dead Man Walking and Jenna has yet to figure out where her off switch is... (talk talk talk talk). We get loads more of these guys again, as they lost immunity again, so we’re subjected to Rudy limping around and Rupert fishing. Jenna L... keen to give the fire a good blow, seeing as Ethan is a wet sock, crams her face into the fire when they first get it lit... sucks in her breath, and the burning branches "pop" before she blows... She pulls back so fast and clutches at her face... I was worried they were gonna end up medivacing her... but then, she didn't make the preview commercials and that's a must whenever burning humans are around. The fun never stops at Camp Loser.

Mogo Mogo
Colby gets one good line and then vanishes again... clearly they’re saving him for the second half of the series. Jenna and Kathy manage to let Lex push them around when he decides to wait an extra day to light a fire??? WTF? And Richard continues to torment everyone with his flabby ass cheeks and tiny little pecker. Shi Ann, of course, is invisible.

The Magic Tree House
Jeff: "Lets talk about today’s challenge..." Happy day for Ethan... who managed to push off the boat but forgot the paddle... or wouldn’t get out of the boat when the team wanted to dump it .. He (mop head) was so busy trying to be impressive that he managed to blow it landing them firmly in last place. He’s certain his number is up... and votes for Rudy saying he’s all proud of working with him... but that his vote is "strategical"... So he’ll be enrolling in that English As A Second Language course when he gets home to his Survivor Africa Million.
The girls asked Rupert to play along in the Fry Rudy game but he demurred... they paid no attention to that (thankfully) and fried Rudy.

Two things...
~ next week we’re supposed to see Richard attacked by a shark... thank god... maybe it will hack off his giggly bits... And we’re teased with the notion that Jerri fends off against Rupert. I say they end up in bed together.
~ will they go down to two teams before the merge? Or will they merge directly from the three teams?

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