Survivor VIII : The All Stars
(edit : no, you didn't miss a show... this is just a warm up!!!)
Wherein...a new season kicks off with sun, Panamanian Islands, Jeff Probst in all his glory and three teams of characters that loved being targets of my ridicule so much that they came back for more. This will either be a great load of righteous nastiness live’en large and having a blast or be pathetically boring. Remember it’s not about actually surviving... while that would be fun, I doubt CBS could withstand the issues that would come up if these guys started dying... No, it’s all about finding a balance between strength and discretion.
Three absolutely dumb ass names for three teams. Six homeslices in each team - three boys and three girls in each (although they counted Hatch as a boy for some reason). They’re on three islands in Panama Bay. Check out the setting at "Survivor Maps!"
[ :: go here to see the Survivor 8 Map :: ]
Alicia (Australia) "Hi everybody, I’m Alicia... Yeah, the finger waggler... hehe... I’m working in broadcasting now as a health and fitness reporter..."
Amber (Australia) "Oh... cool... I’m Amber... that’s still the number one stripper name in North America and I appeared on the cover of Stuff magazine... and AND, get this... I come from Beaver, Pennsylvania! Get it? Stuffed... Beaver... oh, I dropped a contact... just a sec..."
Rob C (Amazon) Rob, appears to already be masturbating in the corner but it turns out he’s just rubbing his magic eight ball and muttering Amber’s name...
Tom (Africa) "Geez Louise... You gals ‘av been busy. Ma names Tom and I’m still old. Oh, and Amber? Nice ass!"
Rob M (Marquesas) "d’oh, shit..."
Suzan (Pulau Tiga) "bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch"
Man, Rob M is totally toast... but all we’re gonna be watching for is who gets on Susans shit stick first.
Ethan (Africa) "So yeah, hi... I did Eco Challenge, with Jenna here... we’re gonna win, you should all just quit now."
Jerri (Australia) "hey, did you see me in Playboy?"
Jenna L (Pulau Tiga) "Remember me? Yeah...Jenna... No? yeah, oh... ok. yeah, no no, it's ok, I get that a lot."
Rudy (Pulau Tiga) "grumble grumble... oh, I can one arm push ups... watch..."
Jerri (Australia) "Hey! Did you see me in Playboy?"
Rupert (Pearl Islands) "ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!"
Tina (Australia) "pssst... look, I brought some Doritos."
Jerri (Australia) "Does my ass look fat?"
Rudy, Tina and Jerri are going to go after Ethan... you watch! And imagine how much freaked Rupert would be if he got chucked out first? Bwaahahahaha..
Colby (Australia) "So Jenna, do you wanna go to church with me when we get home to the good ol’USofA? We can sit with my mom... Do you like children? Can you imagine how much fun it would be to have grandchildren? Tell me, who does your insurance? Isn’t it neat how this muscle seems to be on top of that other muscle? K’mere bitch..."
Jenna M. (Amazon) "S’cuse me? Hello? Camera guy? Can you do something about Cheese Boy here? Jeff? Are you out there? Hello?"
Lex (Africa) "Hi I’m Lex... these are all my tattoos... everybody ready to talk about them for the next month?"
Shi Ann (Thailand) "|||| ||, ||||||| | ||| || ||||| | |||||||. ||| ||||| | ||||||, || ||| ||? ||||! ||, |||| || ||| ||||||.
Richard (Pulau Tiga) "See how I can keep a snack in my belly button? I’m gay you know..."
Kathy (Marquesas) "Well Jenna, that playboy engagement must have been very empowering. I’m so proud of you. And Lex... what lovely ink... blah Richard... blah blah blah... Shira blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."
What the hell is Shi Ann doing here? They either snap Richard in half at The Pit just to shut him up or they get Shi Ann as punishment for being lack-luster.
~ Richard, Suzan, and Ethan are the first to go from each... or at least that’s my guess before they get going. I’m still trying to decide if I will avoid any and all sources of spoiler info! It’s usually wrong but it still messes with your head. They gotta get rid of Suzan!!!
~ I really hope they got some new blood on the challenge design team.
A word... or two.
These survivor updates will come out the day after the show... I’ll most likely swear a great deal and call everyone nasty names. I will revel in their suffering and find humour in their failure. If that rubs you wrong way... read all of it, because you prol’y need the rubbing.
It remains a great deal of fun for me to write these and I really enjoy getting feedback and that includes seeing the comment threads go to town discussing the show.
Enjoy... and if you really do like them... tell your friends and visit my web site.
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