Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

The Final Survivor VII Update!!!

Survivor VII : Pearl Islands

The Last Time We Have To See JonJon!

Wherein...the best survivor run in the last few finishes up. We say goodbye to a smile, good riddance to a Talking Hernia and a bunch of stupid white people take the Scout Oath way to fucking seriously. Oh, and who the hell was Trish again? lol...

Survive This!
(the show in as few words as possible!)
Two hours and 15 minutes to find out who wins... and it goes like this;
Big recap of the season that does little besides remind us of what utter losers the Morgan/Moron tribe was and how utterly freaky Rupert got by the time he was tossed aside.

Day 37 dawns with no footage of the returning campers from the command performance of Bye Bye Burton (alas!). Jeff shows up with tarts and mimosa's to grace the dawn and it's time to watch Lillian whimper like a kicked puppy and bawl like stuck pig. Capt'n Jeff brought letters from home and while Darrah was first happy about her dog, THEN her family, it was Lillian’s theatrics that distracted the kids from what was obviously a letter from dear dead grandma to JonJon.

They take a moment to plot Darrah’s ouster then JonJon drags his baseball sized testicles along with the girls to an immunity game played out at The Plank. The jury revels as they get to play and indeed win, releasing immunity from any of the remaining players. It was a pirate and Panama trivia deal of no great significance. Darrah gets her votes and it's quivering bottom lip time for the best smile in Panama.

Now its time for memory lane, without the hack "cleansing rituals" ... it's straight to destruction, with a ceremonial burning of the sand dune ship wreck they played so many games on. They fry the other player’s torches, (except quitter Osten’s), and while we endure a slow mo moment of Christa's overbite in a wee memory, Lillian ridiculously brandishes a Scout Salute... and the fires rage.

Immunity, take two, is an endurance deal, and after Jeff calls Sandra the "lippiest Mother we've ever had" they're off and floating. Hands and feet only on tiny rafts as the waves roll past. Sandra goofs and it's over for her... but we get to watch JonJon suffer through hours of torture as Lillian basks in having no feeling below her nipples... which translates to: her waist. JonJon fails and, pathetically, it's all in Lillian’s hands.

In surprising moment of utter stupidity, she decides she'd rather lose to Sandra than JonJon. Why the notion of actually winning didn't occur to her is anybody’s guess. She elects Sandra to the Final Two and it's a forgone conclusion when the questions start...

Sandra is one rich, and lippy mother.

Most Memorable Pirate Moment
Capt'n Jeff’s glorified smile as he read JonJon's name on the "get off a'my island" note... Probably Jeff's biggest smile of the season!
However, I was sorry to see Darrah go... so for my memory it's the moment that her name was said out loud by Jeff and her bottom lip moved... Just a fraction...

Talk Like A Pirate
Jeff (in fine form) "Jon and three women in bed... another first!"

JonJon (also in form, although not-so-fine) "They are three inferior beings... inferior to men."
or... "I'm the king of men... and they're women." You are so not getting a date.

Jeff: "... of course the smart-alec gets it right!" Guess who he's talking about!

Sorry, but Lillian literally gave it away.

One thing...
~ Thank you
so much for letting me try to entertain you. (please picture a great big smile on me!). See you in February for the All Star game...

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