Survivor VII : Pearl Islands
The King is Dead, Long Live The King!
Wherein… the madness of King Rupert becomes blinding and the ego of the gay porn star drips out of his vacuous eye sockets. The game is "afoot", finally, and there are knives popping out of everyone’s backs.
(the show in as few words as possible!
Rupert and his giant head, figuratively and physically, can't sleep... so blathering like one of Nurse Ratchets charges fills the time. His god-complex has taken over. Ugly-Nipple-boy, JonJon hatches little eggs of plot with Burton and they find the ultimate opportunity to fry up a little game with Tijuana, Darrah and Lillian. That's five... that's it. Meanwhile, Rupert thinks JonJon, Lillian, Burton, Sandra and Christa are his minions. Reward is an obstacle course, with teams climbing over rope mesh, untying knots and ringing bells. Bottom line? Lil's a spaz and so is Sandra. Winner gets pizza, beer and a deep sea fishing trip... Lil and Burton win, and while Lil keeps her reward, Burt gives his to
Most Memorable Pirate Moment
See, this episode is really about the complete head fuck that Sandra experiences. It all comes up to the moment that Rupert starts sliding down vote city boulevard and she's grabbing her head, slack jawed and ... basically dumbstruck. She believed! she was certain her ass was stuck to the right seat on this bus and even had the misfortune to bristle with it at council. "I have yet to see him wash a dish or clean a fish..." in her rant at JonJon. And snarky little snake boy JonJon is just drinking it in. Her world vaporized at council.
Talk Like A Pirate
"I try to control everything on my island." Exhibit A. Rupert’s on a role.
Jeff: "We're seeing way too much of Rupert." ... as his mouse escapes the house (tips hat to Günter) during the reward game.
Jeff: "... and Lil takes a face plant!" Same game and Capt'n Jeff likes this way too much! :D
"When you have trust in this game... you are busy losing." me! I said that! Nah!
"I might not be as secure as I think I am..." Exhibit B. and yo! Rupert! bang on.
JonJon: "See how great I look right now! It's a great day!" SMASH! Oh wait, I was imagining one of sailors finishing JonJon off... sorry.
JonJon: "It was a pleasure having me." when he's disqualified from a game... Slap!
JonJon: "A promise can be broken about as fast as a fat woman on whicker furniture." Ok... besides the lack of any brain cells dedicated to grammar, I officially want to bath JonJon in lava! Who's with me...
Team Dead Snake
It's all about the plot now... and, unfortunately for the confident ones, they all play their roles perfectly. Rupee cannot see his Brutus for trying... until it's too late. Sandra can't see past the end of her shrill voice and nasty ass attitude and Christa? well... dum di dum... d'oh. Darrah and Tijuana are just a couple of pawns that have been waiting ... literally, lying around on their lazy, ever-shrinking asses, to be 'deployed' into battle. Well they're in now. The bringer-of-all-food is on the plank and the rest of them better start trying to fish!
Oh... and did you dig the none-too-obvious (ha) metaphor with the Snake chowing a lizard down... swallowing it whole. Poor King Rupee... and his stupid little skirt.
An obstacle course, set to look like the deck of a ship, is the stage for this team-run for a treat. The winning team goes for a deep sea fishing trip on a sweet catamaran... topped up with pizza and beer. They have to climb up a rope-mesh thing, swing over a big net, and untie knots... all in towards the goal of ringing the "I win" bell. Lil has zero upper body strength... as made evident by her attempt to swing on a rope, "and Lil does a face plant!" (Jeff). Rupert and JonJon are a team and almost miss getting in the final heat because JonJon makes a mistake, but their competing against Tijuana and Sandra at the time... so there never really was any contest. Sandra is an outstanding spaz and has the bruises to prove it. Lil and Burton win... and although Rupert believed whole heartedly that he was in for a treat, Burton hands his spot on the reward over to JonJon. Yikes... Rupert's next few scenes are of him chopping away at a cocoanut and talking to himself... all of it trash'en on Burton. JonJon and Lil come back full, but failed to catch anything on thier "fishing trip".
Well... I'm not going to explain the game. It's a complicated dart game called "Killer" and suffice it to say that the players had to blow-gun darts at a wheel with a wedge labeled for each player. Sandra manages to hit Rupert’s wedge by accident and puts him out of the running... and Burton, of course, steps into the land of the Alpha (gag) male!
Darwin Loves Pirates
Gezus Lil! What is up with your holier than thou attitude? "See, there I'd have to be lying!" or "I'm such a bitch!" (when she realizes ol'Rupee wanted her spot on the Reward!) PA-THE-TIC! JonJon has to call her to task on her whole guilt trip deal but she's still only a step or two away from bursting into self-deprecating-flames.
JonJon... one vote.
Darrah... two votes
Rupert... five votes! ding ding ding... see ya!
It's a trip for poor little angry-Sandra. She's all full of dis for JonJon and he's sitting back watching her live in a world of a different colour. The votes come in and she's just stunned. Speechless... Rupert’s exit speech is "I cannot believe that..." Believe it!
~ somebody does something remarkably wrong next week... and JonJon gets bad news... he cries... weeee... we can only hope it's related to ensuring his gene pool ends with him.
~ So the finally three? Burton, JonJon... and? ... hopefully the third name is the name of the winner.
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