Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Big Brother 4 Update!!!

Big Brother 4 Update!!

Gobble Gobble Gigli girl

Well the ghost of J-Lo is here... stupid hat and all, and while the real booty queen may not yet be dead... one close-up of Erika’s face leaves you feeling like you missed tapps. The various depths of goofiness and serious crazy people-ness are plumed as we watch OCD and delusional people sit around letting a studio of master manipulators twist their lives into entertainment for us. Yeah. It’s veto night... which means, of course, that nothing happens.

Loser say what?
(aka "The Show in as few words as possible")
Starting with a reminder that Boobi-girl thinks she’s gonna "stay out of the way all the way to the finals..." we dive into the stink that is Nathan’s bitterness. Press fast forward on your vcr when they show the boys pumping iron... it’s way more fun. The gang is on a Diss-Nathan kick and Nate’s all about being a baby. Jee, the crown prince of Obsessive Compulsive Disorders counts to five way to much, brushes his teeth for 10 minutes, and really needs a job in a Chinese laundry. Kobe Bryant is still a family god to the isolated house-mats and Justin doesn’t know how to wash his clothes... but can shave his chest like a pro. Don’t you just wanna hear him scream like a little girl? Luxury is a laundry service and to get it... we get boys in squeaker shorts and naked women. Just picture Gold Member honking about Toight and Jack wearing a soap foam bra and posing. Was this really about laundry or did the camera men win some bet with the producers? The house mats win... d’uh. Erika, her pathetic pink boots and butt ugly pink hat are the target of everyone’s opinion on the least fashion sense... and she, in classic girl-from-the-block form, thinks she’s got the only fashion sense in the house. All Erika is missing is a flat head and stitch lines around her scalp... Mary Shelly wrote a book about Erika. BB gives ‘em a board game (corridor) and they end up playing a people sized version for Veto. Nathan bends over while everyone straps on 18 inch black rubber dildos and fucks him till he’s begging for his life. Er... ok, they just gang up on him in the game... but it’s all the same. Useless-like-turd-Robert wins Veto only to do nothing with it again.

Fav Quote
"oh my god... this is going to make me throw up!" So what you're saying is it kinda reminds you of your time io the pageant circuit!

"You got laundry to do bitch... they smell like ass crack!"
"... not gonna call us stooges no more..."
oh that silver tongue of yours Jee...

"If the goal of the competition was to look at three naked women... I was successful." Yeah Jack, and you managed to grab a hand full of ass.

"Did you see my boobs?" (erika to nathan)
"yes" (nathan to erika)
and the worlds stupidest question.... ever!!!
"why did you look?" Geezus Erika... you spent all that cash on yer tits and you gotta ask why someone looks? that's fucked up yo.

"Ok, I admit it... I just want to be J-Lo." So Erika, what yer say’en is the next time you go for liposuction your gonna have them shoot it all back into yer ass?

"If you get me off... I'll respect you in the morning." [sic] hahaha... oh Nate you always manage to say things... in just the right way. (yeah, I helped a bit with that...)

Most Memorable Moment
Watching Erika comment in the Spill-yer-guts room that she thinks she’s the only one with any fashion sense after a collage of vid moments surveying the rest of the house-mats as they unanimously agree that Erika has the least fashion sense was just priceless. I mean... she looks down right hideous in that freak show hat. Her feelings are going to be seriously shot to shit when she sees the tapes of this stuff. :D

Estrogen Is Your Friend
Well it’s a wrap on the evaluation of Alison... she’s actually Jason from those Friday 13th movies. She totally comes down on Nathan aka DANCING BABY BOY and calls him on his behavior - walking around sulking - and pushes several of his buttons... "Is this the poor-me pity party?" (to his face ... hahaha) She’s playing the game and power to her... but the sales job the editing room is doing on her is just perfect. Alison is evil, Erika is a freak, Jun is a bit dumpy and one hulluva shit disturber. And while were talking about girls... Nathan is going to graduate grade 4 next year and I bet he gets a brand new dress from mom for all of his hard work. YOU BIG SUCK. Oh sorry. :D
The luxury game starts with the boys and girls putting on one piece swim suits... the boys in squeaky little TOIGHT shorts, the girls in cute Baywatch suits. Dump several metric tones of soap foam on them and tell ‘em to get naked... the idea was that each suit had a mystery letter sewn into the lining and they had to unearth the letters and arrange ‘em to get the prize... while a clock ticks. How hard is this? They’re all half naked all the time anyways... like this was any big shake... Alison does a mad naked dash, Jun cares not one little bit as she waggles her bits and Erika? She’s unnaturally concerned about releasing her beasts... I’m thinking scaring is an issue for her. She asks Nate why he looked at her tits... after she whacked him in the head with said tits... hahaha... man is she really this dim?

Team Testosterone
Agent Idiot is a bit of a perv... of course what man isn’t... but still admitting you grabbed Jun’s fat ass in the suds on national television is a bit short sighted. Justin is all about being a well shaved torso and ... and... well, that’s about it. He’s drowning in his testosterone. Nathan is about one step away from a training bra and I refuse to continue mentioning him in the "testosterone" round up. Rob remains a foil to whatever is going on around him. He has no original thoughts and doesn’t actually do anything. He could be replaced by any of the butt plugs Nathan has at home and we’d never know the difference... although the plugs would prol’y have better stories. We get a few minutes of tease about Rob actually vetoing Jack to get Alison’s flabby ass on the line but that’s just not in the cards. Jee is acting the uneducated Asian boob and doing a right fine job of it. They focus on his OCD behavior for a bit and while that’s fun it’s a little revealing to note that he will re-fold the clothes that come back from the laundry service... because he’s a nut job.
The Veto game is this cool board game writ-human size for them to play. It’s "corridor" and the lot of them play as if it’s everybody against Nate and Alison to ensure that Nate stays on the block... dude is so gonna fry on Wednesday!!

A Bit From The Live Feed
3:45 August 12.
Alison, standing with the boys, wearing her brown bikini... and unceremoniously beings dumpster diving her bellybutton to de-crapify her navel. She calmly flicks away her findings... please say "ick" now.

So Nathan will go tonight... that leaves Jack and Erika on the hunt for salvation. If one of them wins the King Rat then they’ll hopefully put Justin and Rob up... but we’ll see. The only wild card... the only island of uncertainty is Jun... If she wins HOH ... it would be fun.

The winner...
Still thinking the skank muffin is going to squeak into the money shot. :D

Survivor Pearl Island Panama starts on September 18!!

All the BB4 Updates will be available on ....
Corto's Web

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