Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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A few words about The Amazing Race

The Amazing Race
ding dong... Candy Gram... er... Land Shark!

I cannot remember ever actually wishing that a shark would just open up those jaws and snap someones head off before... that was fun. !! :D

The Good
~ Getting to watch Kelly scream her freaking head off in abject fear for her life... while Jon calmly achieves greatness with a mastery of understatement "a little bit of fear on her face..."... that was good! Detour was this deal with running down and up a million stairs (nobody does that...) versus running batman and robin style DOWN the side of a huge-ass hotel (wearing a harness) in downtown Brisbane. A "face first" repel. Kelly was quite seriously pee’ing her pants over this one... Jon "You're letting that Gay Guy beat you!!!!" (screaming up at Kelly and Chip motors down the building...) Oh, and not to out do himself for the mistakes he (Jon) seems to have made in every leg of this race... Jon manages to break one of the puzzles... The gang start the show off with a fun filled no English spoken here cab ride through Korea to this park where they’re flying these "traditional" kites. Attached to each kite is a string that leads to a "Game Marker". Pull that string and get yer clue. What does idiot Jon do? He grabs the Kite string and pulls until it breaks... d’oh!

The Bad
~ Jon and Kelly pull ahead by taking a commuter train from the Airport in Brisbane while the other dolts languish in cabs stuck in rush hour traffic. Chip, who seems very much like a Fay Ray kind of gal – you know, doing the horrific screams in old B monster movies, just gets his (her!) freak on when his yelling doesn’t convince the Korean cab drivers to suddenly learn English. "Speak English!!!!" he yells at one cabbie... bwaahahahahaha...

The Pathetic
~ "Put on all this diving gear and walk across the tank with the well fed sea creatures." (sting rays, sharks, and other sundry fish... - I was soooo hoping somebody would start talking "Whale" imitating dear "Dory" from Finding Nemo lol) Not to bad a deal... especially if you pay even the closest attention to the notion that CBS has very little to gain by allowing you to be EATEN on television. Jon gets this concept and wanders through the tank and gets his clue. Reichen, on the other hand, does not do so well... They break for a commercial as Jaws swoops in towards his petrified head... in fact, they don’t show him at the conclusion of this leg getting out of his gear. I’d say the shroud of killer fear that was gripping him as he did this played poorly with his well tenderized sphincter. I’m betting he released the hounds halfway through the tank and loaded up the back flap of that wet suit.

The Sad
~ Damn!!! Damn damn damn... the clowns pull ahead with a commanding lead as the Korean cookie gods deal them a cab driver that can marginally communicate in English. However, they take that lead, attach it to a red hot poker and shove it up their asses in a most unfortunate way as they pick the wrong flight to complete the leg from Korea to Australia. Everybody else gets the drop on them and despite the fags fucking up the instructions for a leg of the race and getting a 35 minute penalty, they clowns still come in beyond last and are eliminated.

and the "Only In Australia"
~ Each episode of this show concludes with the arrival at the route marker of a new location. At each checkpoint there is the show’s host dude and some representative of the country... dressed in traditional garb acting in a traditional way. So you have the 300 year old outfit on the Korean dude holding some giant sword, or the dude in Venice all dressed up and masked... I’m serious here... the Checkpoint Charlie’s are all these really over the top outfits ripe with historical references.
So what do we get in Australia? A blonde chick in a tight low cut top. I love Australia.

Twelve Couples, in pre-existing relationships on a 40,000 mile race around the world... One team wins a million dollars. Yeah, well the Clowns are out... leaving us with the fags, the friends and the engaged nimrods. Really the only people worth cheering for at this stage are Kelly and Jon... as much as I hate BOTH of them... I despise the Fags more and the "best friends" just suck...

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