Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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Big Brother 4 Update!!!

Big Brother 4 Update!!

Ahhh the Garden Path....

The second "get the fuck out of my house" episode was bang on!!! Now if we could just figure out who’s talking when you hear that.

Loser say what?
(aka "The Show in as few words as possible")
Hellllllo nurse? Erika is feeling the sting of the razors edge as it torments her jugular and we get a taste of Dave being the essential "boy" with a keen observation of what a dork Jee is... but BigBro is busy working the "stroll down the garden path" angle taking us all for a walk towards the clear belief that Erika will be watching the rest of this deal naked in her apartment juggling empty Prozac bottles. Her angst over leaving drives her talk deep turkey with Dave and then we get a look at the big bomb for the night... peeling back the casing on the Korean Nuke we see Jee and Jun having a secret and apparently solid alliance - regardless of their endless hate for one another. The "Live" component of the show gives us Animatronic Julie wearing clothes that almost reveal the shape of the aluminum bars that connect all her parts, talking to the gang... and Robert who literally is bursting in his bravado. Remember the "My pal Spike" analogy from the last bb4 update? Yeah well, riding that wave Robert looks the fool as he assures everyone that he indeed knows the outcome of the as yet unrevealed vote. Kinda like that little dog jumping back and forth over the bull dog only to land in the path of an oncoming delivery truck. SQUISH. Ar ar ar... We’re treated to some video collage action of Michi-Bubbles saying "like" and "wow"... and, like, if her skin wasn’t so clear, I’d, like swear she was a junior high stoner watching fireworks. Wwwwwwow! Erika’s mom does a good Looser Forehead Finger deal to describe Robert, and when votes come down ... 6 - 2 tossing Michelle out of the house you can well imagine that she is one face-lift junkie dancing around her plastic covered sofa. Dana wearing the Queen Rat robes is just icing on the cake of this episode.

Fav Quote
Erika: "I’ll give you sexual favours..." to Dave as he goes for the hush talk in pre-vote land. I’m certain she was just goofing but you gotta know he took a long look at her boobs before he pulled a pillow over his lap.

"If you want the truth, I think Jee is an absolute moron." Dave, fully developing his "sexual favours from Erika" fantasy.

"I am happy that she’s leaving." So say’s Robert the total dumb ass. He is being sold to us as a jerk of outstanding proportions. Note that he says this during the "live show" portion before the votes are handed out.

Most Memorable Moment
Ahhh my BB4 dreams came true (and no, I don’t actually dream about this show... maybe about you guys liking the write-ups...) when the votes were announced and Jee was caught breathless. He uttered a long slow "wwwwwwhhhhhhaaaaaat?" Freaking Loser... somebody tie that bad haircut down and brand a big fat steaming L on his forehead. We already know Erika’s mom will help with the branding iron.

The Naturals v. The Exs
So the Ex’s got a taste of the whip last night... and lemmi tell ya, it stung like a son-of-a-bitch. Bwaaahahahahahahahaa.... Erika was the most surprised of all... whimpering like a stood-up bride after Michi-Bubbles leaves. Jee, Robert and Justin thought they had the numbers and they had... well, nothing at all. I’m still laughing about this...

Estrogen Is Your Friend
Ok she’s 19 going on ... 19 and I’m admitting that I felt sorry for lil’bubbles when she sat with stick-girl-julie looking like a power puff girl holding back outrageous tears. She was way to young for this game... she should out getting excited about a new nail colour and chipping it on the headboard of a ten year old frat house bunk bed... not swimming with a school of evil sharks. She went total-anime on the sofa with Julie, holding it back as the house-mat messages were played... and when Julie rubbed a little salt on it with "So how does knowing David didn’t have your back make you feel?" I thought tears were going to literally SQUIRT out of her eyes.
Jun remains a walking slime trail not necessarily worthy of comment although watching a moment of live-feed action I can only think that her game of playing every side to the middle is going to backfire sooner or later.
Erika, of course, was busy creaming her bikini bottoms right about the time that Robert’s penis was shriveling up... and while Alison may have had a few minutes of feeling like she’s good with the "in crowd", her world fell apart when she forgot that there are a half a million reasons to take the game seriously, and she lost the Queen Rat competition by calling the HOH bedroom by it’s pet name, "the Love Room". This left Dana with the crown and swept a scimitar across the butt cheeks of the entire house as each and every one of them remembered how busy they have been talking trash about Dana for the last several days. (please inject more uncontrolled laughter here.)

Team Testosterone
Testosterone? Yo... if you see any here, lemmi know. Roberts testicles have slid so far back up into his body they’re threatening to pop out of his mouth. He will regress to the fearful grade school flunky he deserves to be, and prol’y was. Jee is utterly lost and Justin is looking at the two of them with a brand new appreciation of how dorky they are. Agent Jack was drinking in his moxy, but only ended up blowing it all out his nose when Dana... Miss Untrustworthy (to quote his constant comment) became Queen Rat. This leaves Nathan, with his curly locks, as the last bastion of testosterone, and considering how gay I still think he is, (even if he doesn’t know it) wondering how much of a hate-on Dana has for him.

The "most likely to be discarded" player, Dana, wins the Queen Rat robes seconds after we watch Michi melt down talking to the evil stick chick and basically get pleasure lumped on top of pleasure. The show just jumped from the scrap heap to the boardwalk. Now if the future editing can be as good as the editing that left us so completely sure that Erika’s number was up, we will maybe... just maybe... have a good run of this show. If Dana hadn’t won the HOH then the Exs versus the Nats game would have played out the Ex’s ultimate demise... but now it’s all about wondering how vengeful, and how smart Dana-bug-eyes will play with her power.

The winner...
Well Erika is back from the edge so I’m putting her back in place as a winner, however, her moment of racism is going to play horrifically against her and CBS if she wins... it’s a small deal, don’t get me wrong, but in a showcase like this... even the small stuff turns into a power paint sprayer.

All the BB4 Updates are now all available on ....
Corto's Web

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