Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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Big Brother 4 Update!!!

Big Brother 4 Update!!

The Garden Gnome Show

Mmk... someone calls the Veto medallion "Bling-Bling" and, I’m sorry, but that is the dumbest word in the universe... it’s only fun as a dogs name and that would be just one "bling". However you slice it, it seems to be way too heavy for even Ranger Dave to handle it properly. Instead, we get people salad, and a Jun leaving a slime trail everywhere she crawls.

Loser say what?
(aka "The Show in as few words as possible")
Michi-little-bubble-brain is all a whimper, reminding us that she is being put-upon because she’s too nice and too innocent. Cry me a river white girl. Erika is not much better off, reacting to her nomination with a hearty helping of Archie Bunker as she goes "racial slurr" on Jee. The girli-girls wander around talking out of their asses with words of consolation one minute and tough-chick-chic the next. Jee the-piece-of-shit (thank you Erika), promises Michelle that nothing can go wrong with his perrrrfect plan. Um.. and we’ve never heard that before. I almost wish she’d go so he can spend a few days digesting crow. Nate and Ali drip with sexual tension while Jun reminds us that the Lords Of Acid were singing about her specifically in Crablouse. Dana finally realizes that having no info means no one is talking to you and goes, well, bug eyed about it. Jee slips further and further into his insanity and everybody learns to play duck ball... er, well not Dana, because she’s way to pissed off to do anything fun. Duck Ball practice proves to be useful for the Veto game but Dave corners that market and play on. Never straying too far from the stereotypes that theoretically haunt them, the girls dress in vegetables to tease the boys and grab fruitlessly (ack, a pun!) for video moments in the sun. Jun get’s older... and Dave gets enormously more stupid. No veto exercised... Erika and Michi-bubbles are walking the plank.

Fav Quote
"Why don't you get something to eat..." an official, I knew you when you were fat dig from jee to jun... And later, at recess, Jee will get in trouble for pulling some girls hair.

"Control the girls!!!" Now he's letting a little of that patriarchal upbringing show through... (Jee)

"I made sure Jun's key was last..." passive aggressive time for Jee.

"Korean piece of shit! boat person!" phew... well now... what have we here? Erika let's a few of her more spiky hairs down. I mean... word on the "piece of shit" part but no way anyone is gonna let the "Korean" part slide.

"I would like to lick the top of it..." Now you'd think Michelle is talking about Jun's birthday cake... but we know better.

Most Memorable Moment
Naked girls with lettuce leaves covering their pinkish parts? Nope... Jee confirming that he has a nose ring? Nope... Jun trying desperately to make Dana-the-bug-eyed-monster explode? Nope. All mildly good stuff, considering how lackluster the idiots in this show are, but not good ‘nuf to be considered "mmm" material. That is being reserved for Erika and her "Korean piece of shit" comment... When I close my eyes and try to remember this episode all that jumps dramatically to the front of my minds eye is miss bikini letting her true colours sneak out.

The Naturals versus The Ex’s
It’s all there... the Ex’s sitting around in the King Rat room, the remnants of the Original Eight on the outside, plotting and planning... but when you look just a wee bit closer you think it’s the boys against the girls... but even that would be wrong. When you get right down to it... the game is being played out between the mildly stupid and the totally fucking stupid. No seriously. All the cliché’s are being trotted out... the meek letting the pig headed think they’re leading them, and worst of all; the "moral" concept being used as an excuse for blatant manipulation. It’s a game for a half a million dollars... morals have nothing to do with this and the very split second one of the house-mats think otherwise, they should be electrocuted by some Cliff Claven-esque device hooked up to their remote microphones.

Estrogen Is Your Friend
Jun spends her time trying to be Miss Polifax Spy giving Dana the exaggerated dirt on how everyone else is gunning for her, in what appears to be an effort to cause Dana’s eyes to pop out of her head... perhaps there is some Korean entrée she’s hungry for... eyeball soup? She manages to incense Dana to jump at Jee for answers. His reply? Well the word blowjob comes to mind. She’s no better off. When Jun’s crummy efforts at being sneaky fail, she does the only logical thing... blames Michelle. Michelle, of course, is fighting back great big Japanese anime style round-eye tears. If one of these guys grows giant tentacles at some point, she better get a’runnen. Ali... has some serious issues. She seems to like boxing... even enjoys several jabs directed at her face, so long as they come from Nathan - because, as we saw earlier, if Justin taps her cheek its time for tears and cries of abuse. What do you say to a girl that substitutes a good physical fist fight for sex?? "Sit still for a second" works for me. Ali and Michelle dress up in lettuce leaves and cherry tomatoes - needs to be seen because it defies description - for some obscure reason. Erika is circling her wagon and realizing how lonely, and pointless, it is circling one wagon. Of course, being a racist doesn’t help much... even if you do have $5000 worth of saline hanging off your chest.

Team Testosterone
Dave the duck ball king seems like a nice boy... you know the type... testicles the size of tic-tacs but fun to hang out with. The Veto challenge was all about throwing little rubber duckies from one little landscaped babbling broke bridge, over a garden decked out with pretty flowers and little garden gnomes - who manage to appear in one episode of BB every season - at a pond area with a floating target. Dave rocks this while everyone else manages to be the people in a golf foursome that keep erasing their score and writing down new numbers. Jee, Robert and Justin are like three little pigs holding onto a brief moment of power, while everyone else in the house wishes they had Amanda to kick around. Robert is like that dog in the bugs bunny epi that kept jumping over the bull dog saying "hey Spike, whatcha wanna do today Spike, can I get you anything Spike... We’re pals, Spike and me." For now, Jee is Spike. Personally, he can only add to the show if he has a massive heart attack during a physical competition or drowns or something. Meanwhile, Agent Jack is like a piece of clear scotch tape on a vinyl floor; invisible, hard to get off, and only shows up when everything around it is dirty. He continues to stare at Nathan’s crotch and act like he’s in some elite alliance. He’s for shit.

Sadly, I’m starting to think pretty boy Nate - who, btw, is capable of saying "the dag gum half million dollars" (with a straight face) - is the only player that will carry his ball into the final rounds under his own steam. Everyone else seems to think and act as though they will simply be dragged along. Jee and Jun both think they’re using each other and we get to watch them torture one another... so, like the boys in Bootsauce say "Everyone’s a Winner" or maybe that should be Whiner? Dana seems to be freaking everyone out, but that seems to me to be more a reaction to Jack and Nate slagging her at every turn. None the less, there is much talk of putting her up as a veto replacement and frying her. Dave even says "I really want to shake things up" after he wins the veto power. My first comment was... "but you won’t, because like everyone else, you are a dick.. He doesn’t use it.

The winner...
Well ... unless there is a miracle tonight and Michelle is sent home, Erika is going out tonight. I almost want her to stay just to watch Michelle sizzle as she is tossed out. Starting to think Nathan will play them all.

All the BB4 Updates will be available on ....
Corto's Web

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