Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

A few words on the "Amazing Race..."

The Amazing Race

The first "burn" episode... we’ve cut down the original gang to the last few teams that, honestly, defy all possible sensibilities... I mean, you know that feeling when you realize that you would actually slap another human being just for being who they are... I swear Chuck is like the guy that shows up on a "Leno Man On The Street" segment saying that Canada is somewhere in the north of Africa.

The Good
So they have these moments in the show with Jeff... one of the guys from the "best friends" team... and I didn’t recognize him!!!! I guess that’s called flying-under-the-radar. They (Dave and Jeff) may walk with the cash ... and that’s only good because I will scream myself horse over anyone else getting it besides the Clowns... who, btw, need to get a little nasty if they’re gonna get past the next few legs of the race.

The Bad
Please god, strike down Milly and Chuck and bring them to your house for a while. She cannot think for herself – always waiting for someone to make a decision so she can follow them... and he?? There was this bow’n’arrow, blow dart, spear-chucking segment in the Malaysian islands and watching chuck try to shoot an arrow was like watching a fish try to type. And Milly comments "I hope he gets this... because when he has a problem performing... it just gets inside his head and he goes on this downward spiral until nothing works." BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA... AND THEY’RE VIRGINS.

The Pathetic
The god damned fags are driving me fucking batty. In all seriousness... the NA Pride organizations should burn these guys alive for being as big a pair of dips as they are... Everybody is given a "clue" to go to the airport and fly away... so they all do... but, of course, the flight availability is in question and they need to go for some connections. So what do Chip and Dale do? They let this little bobble head dude convince them to go on a one hour drive away from the air port to some travel agents office... that turns out to be closed and then they find out – after a few freak outs to get the place opened up – that there is no availability on the flight they want. Blah... I’m not explaining it well... but believe me, I was just slack jawed at how idiotic they were being. Oh OHOH, and then at the end... in the Malaysian weapon thing... they have to finish the spear chuck and run down the beach to the Checkpoint to finish this leg... you know... first, second, third, etc. WE CAN SEE THE CHECKPOINT ... So when Chip and Dale finish, the run into the parking lot and practically hop in a cab and drive away... ahahahahhahaa... When they see their mistake... by virtue of seeing the guys behind them run past down the beach... they’re yelling "hey, that’s not fair..." Shit yo, can you just hear these guys at a ball game? Gah!

The Sad
Kelly and John were dead last... mostly because Kelly and John are fucking idiots... but also because they had to switch a detour after they realized they didn’t have the physical strength to lift this weighted lobster cage... and when we were all happy to see them finally kicked off the show... dude announces that this is the first of three "non elimination rounds"... wtf??? Crap.

The "oh my god"
Kelly opts to do the "weapon" stuff... when she hauls up the 12 foot long blow tube for the poison dart thing... John hollers out "Stick that thing in your mouth and start blowing it..." Of course, they both laugh as they fondly remember their first date...

and the unfortunate
Chip and Dale... all whiney and weenie like over their mistake at the "check point" call out to the Clowns that run past them... "Hey... lets do it together..." as in, all get to be in first place... HA. Host dude was having none of that... when they all jumped onto the finish line together, he still called out the other dudes as first place while Chip and Dale made second. Of course, First Place wins a vacation package this week.

And there’s still five... What a burn... I so wanted someone to go last night!!!

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