Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Big Brother 4 Update!!!

Big Brother 4 Update!!

You get what you pay for...
"I'm a barber... I'm a waiter... I'm a total psychotic whack job... it's all the same. However, I love you... don't ya just want my pointy little head?"

Loser say what?
(aka "The Show in as few words as possible")
Owing completely to the inhuman twist-o-flex they put in this game, the late-couples ("late" as in "past tense") are busy sewing seeds of insanity. Evil Roger Rabbit looking dude, Robert, is pleased as punch to see Erika suffering... and, of course, Erika pretends to suffer. Who's fooling who? Everybody gives Jee a hair cut - and this is funny fucking stuff yo! - and Scott goes through all 4 stages of becoming completely unhinged. It's like watching a pop-culture-video on how to self-diagnose depression and make a play for anti-psychotic drug treatments. They play this "who can untie the monster knot the fastest" to get slack on a leash that separates them from the veto prize. Nathan and Dana finish with a pubic hair width difference in time... putting Man-Troll (hahaha... ok, wait... more on that later) Dana on the bottom this time... which translates to a WIN. She gets the first veto deal. Will she use it? Well it becomes a moo* point when condom-head, hat wearing how-embarrassing-for-your-family-dude, Scott, does a header off the high board.

Fav Quotes
Scott: "You hate me... and I love you. Do you hear that? I love you." Stage One: Over stimulation time.

Scott: "Man-Troll.. Man-Troll... Ma Ma Ma Man-Troll!" Stage Two: Grade School Bully. (dude! repeat after me... "she's a karate instructor" sheesh)

Jun: "You should just shave it..." Oh sweet god in heaven... let both Jun and Jee stay... they will be sooooo much fun.

Justin: "We didn't date... We were just fuck buddies. Remember?" Dude... that was the other 20 guys... she thought you were her sugar daddy.

Scott: "I miss you..." Stage Three: Depression.

Scott: "You can't handle me... It'll take three guys to get me..." Stage Four: SPROING!

Most Memorable Moment
We join Jee, (which is spelled l,o,s,e,r, by the way) in the can as Scott butchers his Asian head of thick black hair. "He told me he used to be a barber!" as the girls show up. Alison takes up the reigns and starts snipping away to "fix" it. She, of course, makes it worse... Then Jun, bless her totally evil skank heart, suggests he should just shave it all off... He starts to bite, but Amanda can't do it. So in comes Dave to give him a "ranger cut" because, of course, America’s finest take the mandatory three day Modern Soldier Style in ranger training. Jee emerges with this tokyo joe gang land cut and I'm wiping my eyes from laughing so hard.

The Naturals
(aka The "I was here first" crew)
Well they're about done with that "original eight" bull shit. They all have a hate on for Scott that could anchor a cruise ship and, no matter what else is simmering the real cook pots have it down to a boys versus girls thing. The Nats can't possibly get along. Two or more of them would have to actually be human for that to work out. Scott goes around calling Dana "ManTroll" (something about her looking like a man? er.. ok, a skinny man with bubble eyeballs and a nice ass... Scott comes from a special neighborhood no doubt.) Erika tells Jun about "Man Troll", Jun tells Dana... and Dana is bent and choked up. I think every now and then the "national television" bubble pops into their heads like a "pop up video" moment.
Erika continues to weep in the background of almost everything... she says it's part of her game plan, but maybe she's missing that little yellow pill... dunno.
Alison is still hanging around King Rat's (Nathan's) belly button with her mouth hanging open, and still finds time to diss Justin's cauliflower ear while she's doing back arch pelvic thrusts in some excuse for exercise.

The Ex's
(aka "the reason you watched...")
Michelle, also now known as she-who-will-most-likely-get-a-job-after-this, is squeezing the eye candy card so hard it's practically ... well, dripping. Meanwhile Jee and Amanda walk the plank and get swirled into the vortex of hell. Scott is melting down into his component parts every time he talks to Amanda (lucky her) and Jun is exacting evil comic book style torture on Jee. Robert seems clueless but is enjoying himself so maybe he's laying low... and Justin? He's in his own little game now... and doing quite well thank you very much.

Estrogen Is Your Friend
Like a little gaggle of chickens clucking away at one another... the girls are reliving high school in the worst way... Unfortunately the boys are just as locked in that behavior and everyone knows boys are infinitely less mature and manipulative than girls in high school so the game seems to have ovaries at this stage...
Dana manages to get the Veto power in this groovy game where they had to tie themselves to a harness that is in knots and step through untying it to get slack on their leash. Get enough slack, and you can reach this post to hook your "veto token". Dana and Nathan are a split second apart... Everybody wanted veto... it and all the rest will be "golden" veto's so the noms can save their own asses if they win it. All talk was leading to Dana using it to fry Scott... but he manages to get tossed out of the house before they get that far.

Team Testosterone
It's all up to Jack really. He's the only one with hairy testicles in this game, hell he prol'y has hairy ear lobes for that matter and the rest of them are smoooooth like a pedophiles wet dream. Scott, mind you, is really the focus of the show and we are treated to several of his outbursts and freak attacks... All his pistons misfire and he throws all the dining room chairs around the house. He really loses it and when BB calls him into the Diary Room he blows them off, tell's 'em they'll need three guys to get him and heads outside to freak out Jack and Erika for a while. It was a good show... he even manages some sort of apology meeting that is spit on by the seething masses ... after which he bops into the Diary Room where they prol'y strapped him into the jacket with the long sleeves in a heart beat. He was never seen again.

Ranger Dave is just mainlining adrenalin and possibly thinks this is a strategy... he certainly has them laughing. Nathan, aka King Rat is a tic... I mean, he's being set upon by the women who are playing him like a finely tuned violin. It would be too much to think he's playing them... although, next year, when he's in Grade 10 maybe he'll wise up a bit.

The winner!
~ Erika... unless, of course, she melts. Anything, it seems is possible. As I type this I am thinking about the fact that I just read a live feed transcription that describes two of the lab mice having sex... if so, it's the first time in the shows run that it's happened.

* moo point: "I mean, it's like two cows get arguing... but they can't resolve anything... because, they're, like, cows." (thank you Joey Tribiani for implanting that in my brain for all time).

All the BB4 Updates will be available on ....
Corto's Web

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