Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

a word about The Amazing Race.

The Amazing Race
Did I call this or what??? As soon as ya start liking someone... bang... they’re dead. But once you drag yer boob job contestant through the mud and have her run for the natives... really... what else is there for her to do?
Oh... and when you hear the word cookie... what do you think of?



The Good
~ man, dig those clowns... pulling ahead like gangbusters... gotta love that. They started almost out and pulled up to what? 2nd in to the finish line for this leg. Of course, watching jon (?) cry about the poverty in bobble-head land was kinda sucky.

The Bad
~ Look... how much of Kelly and Jon can we take... she’s a total freak show and he is the worst possible dick smack in the universe. The women in the tv viewing audience must universally hate this guy. Although he gets a few brownie points for slapping her ass when she was freaking out about the lecherous people on the train... she’s giving him hell about please "watch me" with a watch-my-back attitude and when she’s not looking he smacks her ass and she about drops from fright. He then proceeds to laugh for a good 10 minutes as she goes on about how much she now officially hates him. :D hahaha...
They have to ride this elephant on one leg of the journey and these are skinny Indian elephants with serious "spine" action. Needless to say, everyone whines about elephant vertebrate aggravation on their delicate parts... Kelly refers to how sore her "cookie" is... and the imagery I got from that was decidedly Oreo.... Double stuff!

The Pathetic
~ Chip, the anal retentive fudge packing moron... goes mental about picking just the right cab... only to end up with this cab driver that is about 275 years old and twitching ... with a mostly empty gas tank. They manage to come from behind (wait for it...) like any other Saturday night with Reichen... and unfortunately didn’t lose!! Personally, I’m sick of listening to them both.. let alone Chip calling Reichen "honey".

The Sad
~ Kelly is clearly that girl you wanted to see get hit by a bus in high school... she goes freak’en hard core over calling Milly the Mole ... well, "Milly the Mole"... except she just drags it on and on and on and on... Mole Girl... richly deserving the derision, does not reduce the negative view I have of Kelly for her behaviour. The gang had to take this 24 hour train ride on El Stinky Train Excalibur through deep woods India and I don’t envy them one bit. Now, Milly and Chuck – who is being called "WereWolfBoy" by Kelly-the-unstoppable-bitch – are just fucking lucky... They, by all rights, should have been ixney’ed last night. They’re cabby runs out of gas, then overheats... but somehow they manage to pull it together.

The "oh my god"
~ One part of the race was this "bull run" thing where they have to hand on to a handle suspended behind some heifers that are whipped into a frenzy by the locals. The best part? They are being dragged through a disgusting mud swamp to the finish line. Reichen, no doubt used to a face full of er... mud, has no problem holding the pole while sucking mud... but Tian keeps falling off... and they end up inextricably last... They are tossed from the race just when they were working so well together. Oh and watching the locals drink in the view of Tian soaked from head to toe in mud was rather priceless.

and the unfortunate
~ The "best friends" ... David and Jeff... come out of nowhere to take the lead and add zero spice to the game. Big woop. :D

And then there were five... the clowns, the virgins, the friends, the enraged-engaged, and the blue-boys.... It’s hard now to fill the hour so we’re getting more details... and I know I’m forgetting something classic about last nights show. But I was kinda out of it last night. :D
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