Big Brother 4 Update!!
Tune Up Yer Gaydar!
And so it starts... This years Big Brother installment brings a handful of clear examples snatched from the Human Reject Gene Pool... and, of course, we have the Asian barbi doll providing cheese ball colour commentary. Oh, did I say colour... well they have one girl that’s "half black". Carefull there CBS you might appeal ethnically diversified.
Loser say what?
(aka "The Show in as few words as possible")
Animatronics hostess Julie Chen, looking like she was just pressed out of an acrylic mold, (dare you to find her nipple in anything she wears this year... barbie doesn’t have nipples!) introduces us to the Naturals... the first team into the house. They rush around grabbing beds and forming initial bullshit bonds. How big a hoe can Jun possible be? PB&J is avoided because the producers failed to design a challenging game... "er... stand there and balance", so the gang gets food. Then we meet team two... the Ex’s. Clearly the first crew didn’t present enough potential so they added five reasons for people to cry, whine and whimper. After tormenting us with watching all their efforts to create game personalities crumble, it ends with a promise to show copious shaved manly chests and engage in serious nipple hunting with the girls.
(aka The "I was here first" crew)
Alison : Brittany Spears is her hero... no really... there’s nothing else to say.
Dana: Karate instructor with gums like Cameron Diaz’s legs... and hyperthyroid eyeballs... The first thing she says to the gang is "I’m a little OCD about stuff... it has to be clean...". Wohoo... Obviously didn’t read Dale Carnegie’s book.
David: A trench monkey from the Military... expect to hear him chime away about what he "cannot talk about because it will compromise the safety of future operations" until you wanna shove his helmet up his ... er...
Erika: "Hello... my name is Erika... these are my boobs... and this is my enormous mouth."
Jack: Well at least somebody is over 18... Ex FBI Agent... Lets hope he plays it like Fox Mulder.
Jun: a cheap, dirty, skanky little whore... at least that’s how she’s selling it. We’ll see how her ex spells it.
Nathan: BING BING BING... oh was that my gaydar pinging? Sing it with me "Oklahoma is the place to pee..." He looks like he just fell off a boy band stage... He was blushing so hard at the prospect of seeing his ex, I seriously expected Justin Timberlake to walk in...
Scott: Has a giant nipple on the center of his bald head... er... ok.. maybe not, but if he keeps wearing that hat... we’ll never know will we.
(aka "the reason you watched...")
Amanda: Half black... ... half tanned. Scott’s Ex...
Jee: bwaahahaha... Jun’s ex and apparently a typical ethnically pre-diversification Korean. Jun seems actually afraid for her life here...
Justin: Alison’s ex... He must be some kind of killer hot shit for her to be so seriously reduced to tears over his being there...
Michelle: Ok... David’s ex... a little pep squad girl that has that "I used to be a cock tease... then I met the football team" look about her.
Robert: This boy will be fun, period. No pretense about liking him... Don’t.
"I have to go throw up or something..." Nice... Jun has the social graces of a border collie with anal worms dragging its ass across the carpet. This quote was her delayed reaction to seeing Jee walk in the room... and she said it loud.
Most Memorable Moment
When they announced the x-factor... the camera was up high above the vertically mounted wide screen plasma tv... birds eye view. Dana had already caught my attention with her thin upper lip revealing an entire inch of upper gum when she smiles... (and you know you noticed too). Any ways, when they announced the x-factor thing... she did this big-eye thing... my god... I swear they were going to drop out of her head. I can’t get that image out of my head... ick and ohmygod.
Estrogen Is Your Friend
The boys are going to die here... Maybe Jack stands a chance... but remember the saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Well how about five scorned women and a karate instructor?
Michelle is only 19 years old... expect her to totally freak out here, and I bet Robert nails her emotionally.
Pamperin wars will ensue for sure.
There’s plenty of eye candy here but I gotta work hard to get Dana’s eye ball thing out of my head.
Fear Erika... I’m just say’en.
Jun? "I’m Jun and you’re gonna love me as much as I love myself." Self love has taken a toll on you there sugar... you prol’y need a jack hammer to activate that button of yours after the years of abuse you appear to have given it.
How many shaved chests did you see? Keep watching... the pretty boy density is way high... and everybody knows pretty boys cry the most. It seems to me that liquor will play a major roll... and I bet Robert holds his the best. Jack will hopefully avoid "Daddy dearest" leanings in favour of being a hard ass player...
As soon as they announced the twist (and how much fun is Julie having saying "X-Factor"... gah!) the Naturals (Nats?) banded together for a hard core pact. Like they’re going to stick to that alliance... ha! Do you think the Ex’s will work out a chance to bond a separate alliance? They will all band together to fry Jun’s well fucked ass if she keeps up her Times Square attitude. Ok that was hard but dude... look at her... listen to her... er no, don’t ... she keeps saying "Ohhh my gawd..." bah!
Everything’s a guess at this stage but I’m thinking Erika and Robert are going to for an axis of evil alliance. :D
~ Erika is money girl. (ok ok... day one.. .gimmi a break)
If I have a brain at all I will be posting much shorter updates this season... I hope you are well entertained by 'em and if not... why on earth did you read this? Don' t hesitate to give me feedback or comment on stuff... I have so little time lately that I doubt I'm going to have much from the live feeds to work with so if you follow the feeds... well give'er. :D
ps. I need a BB4 Icon... anyone wanna try making me a groovy "Corto's BB4 Updates" icon?
All the BB4 Updates will be available on ....