Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor 6 Update!!!

Survivor VI : Update

Got Wood?

Wherein years and years of modern dance lessons finally pay off for Butch as he scares the last few brain cells out of Rob’s head. Horse Mouth Heidi completely loses what’s left of her mind and crowds chant "look at you go" to Matthew. Butch burns the place down ... oh, and Jenna is such a bitch!!!

Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less... or more.. or whatever!
Hi my names Jenna... I have "Flaryngitis"... have you seen my tiara?
Hi my names Rob... I have breasts and believe anything said by a girl.
Hi my names Butch... Keep me away from your children... got wood?
Hi my names Matthew... I eat bugs and can I loan you some money?
Hi my names Heidi... I can put seven golf balls in my mouth at once.

Ok.. we open with idiot Man-boobs Rob talking turkey with Sticks ‘n’ Twigs, buying everything they’re selling. Jenna, having reached the absolute limit of her mental capacity lets slip that all of her relatives shared a small gene pool and had names like Elly Mae Hatrock. Butch goes overboard trying to get Smokey-The-Bear to kick his ass, and makes Rob his JDFB. Matty gets his-non-stop-winning-shades-of-colby-self a new car, but thankfully doesn’t have the chance to bed his mother in the back seat. Risking revealing herself through an obvious miracle, God burns the camp to the ground raising the wonderful possibility that archeologists will one day hold a charred sorority tiara in one hand and half a magic eight ball in the other and make millions on the lecture circuit. Immunity is a rope game, that Mat dominates while Jenna has just about had it... Thankfully, her tears and hopes for escape do nothing to stop the gang from flash frying Tit’s n’Teeth.

The Darwin Moment!
Geezus Murphy... there are almost too many to count... let alone single out one.
Let’s see...
~ Rob actually believes the hoe-biscuits when they say they will vote for Butch... (they both voted for Rob).
~ Butch piles dry wood throughout the camp and establishes a wood drying base around the fire... sounds like a good time to leave camp for the day... BURN BABY BURN.
And the kicker?
~ Heidi stops time at the Pit by announcing that she is lord-god-evil-puppet-master and that everyone is afraid of her... sealing the deal that she is going down. One wonders how Jenna would look dressed up like Mini-Me. What the hell is it with people in this game that after some genetically programmed amount of time and torture they suddenly make the necessary statements to guarantee that the others vote them off?

Best Quotes
"Butch done lost his mind..." Elly Mae Hatrock emerges from the remains of a two dimensional swimsuit model.

"I don’t know how I became his Junior Deputy Firewood Bitch (JDFB)." Comments Rob as he is partially drawn into Butch’s mania.

"If he ever returns to the planet he came from, I can borrow it [the car]." Well, Rob just confirmed it... Matthew really is Frankenfurter.

"My pledge crown is gone... ... it was special... it’s been handed down for five years." Oh the humanity!!! And you brought this with you to the Amazon for what reason? Jenna you have the brain of a tic-tac.

"I walk five steps and want to collapse!!" Um.. Jenna, this is because you are made of silicon and silly putty. Now quit your whining you little skank... just ‘cause you didn’t win anything today you fall apart... oh wait... you have Flaryngitis... I forgot.

"I’m really grateful that they rebuilt the shelter... I’m just not gonna help." Ahhh... the mastermind at work... atta girl Heidi. I’m surprised you didn’t just walk around biting people.

"I’m like the mastermind behind half the plans in this game!"
... and ...
"I got three guys here who are scared to death of me!".
Heidi? Honey? You in there? Sweetie.. just walk towards the light and get it over with.

"Two girls... One Brain... divided by two... one half wit left!" opines Rob as he casts his vote to fry Heidi up like a cheep breakfast sausage. Dude... you are an endless source of material. :D

Most Memorable Moment
Well for me it was the culmination of several events that brought us to the moment of Heidi’s ejaculation through the Tribal Penis. The camera pans over to Stinky Panties, holding her head in both hands... in obvious mental anguish. Suffer you 2D bag-o-skank. Consider this payback for the way you treated Christy and most likely treated every non-tier-one girl in high school...

There’s only five of them left ... and a whole rain forest to work with... but Butch has to become a lunatic and cram drying wood in every nook and cranny of the rat hole they call their camp. If it wasn’t for his little dance (oh, your student’s must be so impressed) I might have continued believing he had a plot in mind. But no... Rob laughs like a 15 year old stoner as Butch does his dance and we all begin to see that Butch is way over the edge. Rob’s propensity to think with his little head continues to confound his ability to play this game as he talks it up with Jenna and Heidi about strategy and comes away from that doing video bites for the producers about how good he feels working honestly with the girls. Of course they were saying they would vote out Butch and must have been kicking themselves about how easy it was to lie to Rob.
The fire: The "Fire Shelter" is a lean-to of palm fronds that they use to protect a small fire so it’ll be easily restarted when they need it. Rain-Forest... endless rain. This is all well and good, but damned if Butch doesn’t pack the fire shelter with dry wood to become ... er... more dry... while they all go off to the Reward Challenge. The inevitable happens.
The camera man is actually backing away from the raging inferno that is all of their worldly possessions going up while they play games. Upon their return it is revealed that everybody lost everything... except Heidi... who goes onto repack her bag and put it aside. Bitch should have offered to share her stuff right then and there. Only after Jenna loses it completely, pulling a Shawna with the "I can’t take this" crap does Heidi offer up her jacket to the obviously sick and pathetically broken Jenna. Of course, as soon as they settle down... Butch goes back out to gather more fire wood.

Reward Challenge
Time for the monster obstacle course... With elements of all the physical and puzzle challenges from throughout the season, the gang competes for a Saturn ION equipped with a trunk full of food for a tail-gate party. Heidi cannot get through the initial challenge of untying a few knots... Jenna tries but can’t really keep up... Butch? Butch wandered away to collect firewood. Rob pushes himself... but Matthew rules the universe as he flies through the course and wins the car.
He gets to pick a pal for the tailgate party... so while Butch, Jenna and Heidi are discovering that Butch burned down the camp, Matt and Rob are yuking it up with good food and drinks beside a new car... in the middle of nowhere.

Immunity Challenge
A hard game... basically another obstacle course but all rope things... walk the ropes, climb the ropes, swing on the ropes, crawl on the ropes... you get the picture... Of course, Matt wins again. It was a non competition. Only good part was seeing Jenna once again making the "How come I didn’t win?" angry face that she must make a hundred times a day in her real world. Oh, and the ugly Immunity necklace is half burned from the fire. LOL.

Evil Do'er
Heidi... totally turns on Jenna... "Oh she’s sick... she should go... it’s for her own good.. .it’s what she wants..." Um.. yeah, the girl that gave GAVE GAVE!!!! you her immunity necklace just a few short days ago. Nice. Jenna may be a serious bitch but Heidi is an evil bog monster.

Eye Candy
Well, I’m back to enjoying the sight of Jenna holding her head for the eye candy element.

Rob, Butch and Matthew stick together and vote as a block to fry Heidi, her teeth and her totally hypocritical self. She was (is?) so self righteous about being all peaches and cream yet does not hesitate to treat Christy like shit or lie, cheat and backstab her friends. I’d say she’s got a few bruises on those peaches... and I swear.. if you are going to get a boob job... never ever lose weight.... Oh my heck! (lol).

The Pitt
Christy spared the briefest of fierce glances over to the assembled evils as she joined the jury. She (Christy) was on Letterman last week and she totally ripped into the Evil Step Sisters. (it was great). Now... when Butch talked about burning the camp down and deflected the suggestion that it was his fault (it was his fault plain and simple) the cameras grabbed Alex laughing ... ar ar ar... Then when Heidi slipped into the twilight zone to deliver her little "I am the evil master" speech... Rocket Scientist Boy (Dave) literally holds his head down in disbelief. Jeff must get danger pay for spending so much time around the world’s dumbest human beings.
The votes are cast... Jenna and Heidi both vote for Idiot-Boy Rob and the guys vote for Heidi. Good riddance... and, yo... she was wearing a smile as fake as the little drummer boys as she wandered away from camp!

Two things...
~ If Rob wins, I will be pleased but totally amazed. Matt must be the odds-on-fav for this game.
~ I hope Jenna ends up in the final two... why? So that I can hear Christy’s question to her... hahahaha...

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  • shiver

    You know that shiver you get through your shoulder blades and down your back when you feel cold. Maybe you’ve just left the restaurant and you’re…

  • selfie

    as I read and read and read about "Selfies"... I quietly say to myself... "um... yeah, tell me again how selfies are a new thing." lol. :)

  • Monday, February 17, 2014

    Hiya. :) Today was one of those “oh look… LJ is still there” days. Oh how I miss the old days when LJ was pretty much a playground filled with my…