Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor 6 Update!!!

Survivor VI : Update

Darwin Rules This Game.

Wherein pathetic little weasels whine like live lobsters tossed in boiling water. A man becomes a god, immunity is given away, the unthinkable happens at the pit, and we get the very best exit speech ever.

Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less... or more.. or whatever!
Holy freaking whiney little snits. Sticks and Twigs just drone on and on with they’re bawling, whining and moaning. I swear, Heidi needs a bit rammed in her mouth and some reins attached just to shut her up. Ok ok ... back on track. The show opens with the post tribal council meeting session focused on the sniveling crew aghast at Robs vote to fry Alex. This goes all night and in the morning... surprise surprise... it rains in the Rain Forest. The whole show is one dramatic moment of deal making, hand shaking, deal breaking, backstabbing and all general bull shit that you’d expect from the last six players. Reward is about visits from family and magnanimous Matt feeling "god like" as he gets to think he caused them all to have visits from their loved ones. (Like they would have sent them all home without a visit!!! Yeah right) All hell breaks loose in alliance land after the reward challenge. Immunity is a great game but ultimately puts the ring around Jenna’s neck... With copious snake images from the editing room, we have the run up to The Pit as Rob tries to save his sagging ass. To my horror... Hear No Evil makes a blistering mistake and pays the ultimate price... But she did give a great exit speech.

The Darwin Moment!
What the fuck were you thinking? Hello? I mean, you should have... could have... really ought to have... lied to someone long before The Pit about being on their side... hell, tell both camps your are on their side. Nope... didn’t happen. Instead, she hems and haws to everybody about not having made up her mind, and at the council session she actually say’s (out loud mind you) she has the most important vote... "It’s all in my hands." Oh man... right then and there... you just know she has totally blown it.

Best Quotes
Matt: "Just the two of us Mom. A nice romantic evening..." Like we needed to hear that.

Jenna’s Dad: "Your mother’s got a case of the shingles..." bwaaahahahaha...

Tits’n’Teeth: "I’ll try to make your life miserable..." (to Rob)
And "you have to fuck people to win this game." (about Rob)
And "I’ve never felt so manipulated!" (because of Rob)
Gee... I guess Heidi’s starting to realize it’s a competition.

Rob: "I’m a jerk. I have been for 31 days... you just haven’t noticed." No... we noticed, but power to you.

Christie: "when have you ever wanted to talk to me?"
And "I just cannot conceive of you wanting me in the final two."
Apparently resistance is futile. This is Christie, trying to rebuff Heidi’s advances in the wake of Alex’s ouster. This is the moment Christie stopped playing the game and became immersed in the process of self-empowerment. A mistake in a game like this. Big mistake.

Christie: (Yelling) "I’m gonna make sure my evil step sisters are not gonna win the million dollars!!!!"

Most Memorable Moment
Toss up:
~ after Rob tries, and fails, to bring Heidi into his web ... Heidi returns to camp crying as she internalizes just how unfit she is to play a game of backstabbing competition. Jenna blows a gasket and the two of them try to tear into Rob... calling him names and trying to out all the lies and deals. Everybody else sees two girls that got their boney little asses kicked flailing around for their last breaths. It was great to see them so rattled.
~ The reward challenge gives everyone ten minutes with their "loved one". Jenna’s dad uses this opportunity to tell Jenna that her mom has shingles. Way to go dude.

Camp Jacare... what a bunch of losers. If the game really was a game about who deserved to be sole survivor, Matthew would win hands down. Thirty one days and they still don’t have a descent shelter. Matt builds shelter, gets food, fixes the fire, cooks, cleans... while the rest of them sleep, scheme, plot, and fuck each other (metaphorically that is). This is definitely never going to be mistaken for an episode of The Swiss Family Robinson. Matt works the camp, Rob works everyone’s heads, Butch does what he’s told, Christie wanders around like a lost puppy on a busy highway and Sticks’n’Twigs wallow in self pity... lashing out at regular intervals. These girls are really missing their Zanax.

Reward Challenge
Find the paddle, paddle the impossible-to-balance-canoe out to a buoy and answer the skill testing question. Depending on your answer you grab a specific colored bag. If your answer was correct, the bag contains puzzle pieces you assemble back on shore. If not, ... it’s back to the buoy. Six players... four paddles... two puzzle tables... It’s a game of elimination and physical capability. Matt wins hands down. Rob and Christie vie for second place. The prize? A visit with your loved one.
So when Matt wins... Jeff comments on the ol’giving versus receiving thing... and asks "would you be willing to give up your visit and in exchange I will allow everyone else to have a visit with their own loved ones?" TRANSLATION: We flew all yer loved ones here from the States... and everybody is getting a visit, one way or another. Matt offers to give up his own visit and remember, he is Captain Meek, so he for sure thought he was giving up his visit with his mom. Quite a magnanimous act. Everybody instantly loves him for it. They all get 10 minutes with their "loved one" and plenty of wine.
Matt, on the other hand, ultimately gets to go away with his mom and hang at a large yummi buffet and be entertained by native dancers...who were basically torn from the pages of every National Geographic you saw when you were a kid... bare boobs artfully obscured by camera angles.

Immunity Challenge
This was a great challenge. Every body gets a sling shot and ten bearings. They shoot at plates. For each broken plate you get a shuffleboard puck. Then they take the pucks to a shuffle board thing with an "X marks the spot" element. Slide yer puck to be the person with puck closest to the X. Break more plates? Get more chances on the shuffle board. Jenna executes an excellent combo shot that gets her the necklace.

Evil Do'er
Everyone that voted to toss Christie... hahaha... Ok Ok... No really, the evil shit tonight was easily Jenna. When faced with adversity in the game she resorts to name calling and basically being a bitch. This, opposed to actually hunkering down and trying to play a winning strategy. Can you just imagine her in real life? She’s a swimwear model. When her star starts to fade she is gonna be a nasty little princess.

Eye Candy
Rob: "I’m wearing a Speedo, the girls are in their bikinis..." The reward game left the gang with just enough wine to get their nutritionally deprived bodies nice and plastered. Rob is puking, Butch shits himself in bed and everyone is just tanked. So the editors must have thought we wanted to see Rob in that Speedo... let alone editing in the vid moment that lingers over Heidi’s bikini clad fake tits resting on her skeleton as she lays down drunk in the shelter.

Wow... where to start... I mean, we started the show with the Alex, Rob, Heidi, Jenna team fallen apart. Then the Christie, Rob, Matthew, and Butch team looked good. But after Magnanimous Matt gets everyone a visit with their moms etc. Rob rightly realized that in the final two, he would stand no chance against Matthew. So Rob tanks that alliance and goes to see Heidi (the evil squeak muffin) and arranges to fry Christie. Of course, we watch Christie, Matt, Butch and Rob spitting on their hands and shaking on their alliance moments earlier. Rob, ever the consummate player, is rushing madly in all directions to take care of himself.
Nothing good comes from looking ahead more distantly than the time between now and the next tribal council vote. Everyone is looking at what it will be like as a final two. Christie practically spit in Heidi’s face when Heidi tried to get Christie on her side. She never got around to joining a team... hence ended up on the outside of both teams and was fried for her indecision.

The Pitt
Jeff: "So is there a line that you will not cross? How about you Jenna?" Well, he cycled through all the players, each one opening themselves up for some criticism. This is were Christie makes her fatal, game losing mistake... by commenting - OUT LOUD - that she held all he power.
Jenna actually gives her Immunity necklace to Heidi... a first! I think she wanted to mess with peoples heads... and it may have worked but Christie’s number was up.
The votes are cast and she is fried. As the credits roll we get her exit speech and instead of the usual crap about how wonderful it was to share the experience, blah blah blah... she is hopping mad and yelling about how she did not want to go and she will do everything she can to keep her "evil step sisters" from winning the cash... ahahaha.

Two things...
~ there’s a fire next week, and the final is a week from Sunday!!! (over already!)
~ Can Rob still win? The voting tends to reward the "game player" but will that wash this time?

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  • shiver

    You know that shiver you get through your shoulder blades and down your back when you feel cold. Maybe you’ve just left the restaurant and you’re…

  • selfie

    as I read and read and read about "Selfies"... I quietly say to myself... "um... yeah, tell me again how selfies are a new thing." lol. :)

  • Monday, February 17, 2014

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