Survivor VI : Update
Come on Matthew... People Sushi!
Wherein a primal scream, a tortured soul, four lazy fut buckers, and the darwin moment to end all darwin moments make for one awesome moment of payback that I feared would not come...
Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less... or more.. or whatever!
The bell rings and when all the other good little boys and girls go to class, we get a focus on the people you most want to see with their heads stuck in a rice picker. Er.. ok, wait... lets try that again. Stinky Panties, Tits’n’Teeth, Alex-the-human-willknot, and Man-Boobs Rob open the show talking about how they are way way WAY too cool for school while Butch, Matthew and Christy tote that bail, figuratively speaking. Reward is the auction game with Alex getting the only idiot-prize (good "go with your gut" moment white boy!) and Jenna dips another needle into black ink for her "I deserve to be eaten by sharks" facial tattoo. Letters from home bring out the true colours and Immunity brings it all home with an aggregated "take" by the players on their impressions of one another. Rob, the only actual gamer in the show (what d’ay bet he’s got a force feedback joystick attached to his 2.4 ghz pc at home), pulls immunity but we hardly care because it’s just so much fun to watch Jenna get the emotional shit kicked out of her. Oh and Mr. Breaths a Sign of Relief gets his booby-prize winning ass shot out of the tribal council cannon.
The Darwin Moment!
How fucking dumb can you possibly get... no really... Alex defies all possible understanding and takes the time to have a side-bar with Rob while Sticks and Twigs sleep to basically say "So, when it’s down to the final four... I’m kicking your ass out of her because... well, because I’m a dick." Then he asks Rob "Are you cool with that?" Oh my fucking god! I was waiting for "Yeah, I’m cool with that... I was gonna slam yer head against a rock... you cool with that?" but, alas, (earwax) all we got was the knowledge that Alex had just committed suicide in the eyes of Mr. Game Boy Advanced Rob.
"I’m booked all day thinking about what to wear to the challenge." Stinky Panties, having never actually left grade 11, is letting it all go her head. Which, being the size of a walnut, is obviously overloaded.
"We haven’t heard from our families in... gosh... I don’t know how long." Umm... 28 days you idiot. I mean, Heidi... first of all... who say’s "gosh"? and honey... you haven’t heard from your families since... BEFORE THE GAME STARTED. You dip.
"I was surprised that she did that... but not really." Holy crap... it just gets better and better... Stinky panties reacting to Christie not taking any more of Jenna’s utter crap and (gosh!) trying to win a reward... I mean, gee Jenna... you’ve gone to such lengths to curry favor with Christie. Bwaaahahahahahaha...
"Are you cool with that?" (See Darwin moment!!!) hahahaha... oh god... hahaha...
"I think Jenna’s just being selfish." Matthew seeing the wench’s true colours...
Most Memorable Moment
mmmk... the prospect of Alex getting his ass kicked out is hypothetically run past Miss Hear No Evil and her reaction ...well, her opinion is framed by actually letting herself think about Alex for a moment... and when she tries to form words to express herself, she ends up emitting this primal scream "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!". Sorry but it was just great... She has had to put up with such an amazing amount of shit in this game... I’m surprised she isn’t the one obsessively sharpening her machete, let alone hacking Jenna to little tiny pieces. Yup... I loved her primal scream, and yes, she’d like it if Alex got the boot.
Life in camp... basically, life in the hallways of high schools across the country. And yo! do you need a better argument for gun control. BANG BANG BANG... Jenna, Heidi, Alex all put down by that D&D play’en guy in the camera club... (shhhh I was in the camera club... and I played D&D... er...and I was stoned all the time, so shhhh I’m just making a joke). But seriously... The Fab Four (toss Rob in there) sit around, or more accurately lie around all day while the pre-fab-sprouts (Butch, Matthew and Christie) gather wood, build fires, and fish... I swear... at any moment I thought Matthew was gonna come in swinging his machete and have people-sushi.
Rob, meanwhile is watching the game... and when Alex (aka Worlds Biggest Idiot) talks to Rob about how he’s gonna vote him out at 4, Rob turns. Matthew, having already had a moment of clarity on the boat with Butch, hatching their own little plot (finally) is approached by Rob, who spills his whole bean bag and tells Mat to vote for Alex. Matthew, is just amazingly meek... he listens like a little puppy... but the very first thing he does when he finishes processing data is turn to the closest person and make a face that screams Jack Nicholson in The Shining!!!.
There were several video moments en route to the reward deal with the idiots talking about how they miss their families... So I’m expecting some sort of "video from home" or something... but it turns out to be a food auction.
You know the drill... nothing new here... $500 each and Dom Jeff stands up front with little covered plates of food. The bidding was fun but the best bits were Alex spending a shit load of cash on a bowl of manyak rice (the crud they get at camp to eat) and watching Jenna bawl her little pussy eyes out when Christie... who had not won any of her bid efforts yet, when to town bidding to the max on a "letter from home". Jenna totally acting like Christie was bidding on it just to keep Jenna from seeing her letter... IN FACT Heidi bids on the letter thing twice... both times to out bid Christie... but not to compete with Jenna. When Christie gets her letter, Jenna is just beside herself. Dom Jeff... in an unfortunate moment of weakness, offers up a consolation bid of another letter (after saying that "only one of you will see a letter from home") but only if Christie allows it. Now I was hoping Christie would have said "Um... NO! Suffer you bitch!" to Jenna, which would have been the single greatest moment in the history of this show... however, she nodded her head and Jenna gets her letter... for about 1/3rd of what Christie had to pay for hers. BAH! We were yelling at the TV during this bit...
Watch her suffer... This was great. Have you ever heard of that rare "Ripley’s Believe It Or Not" type event where a human being theoretically, spontaneously combusts? ... you know, bursts into flames? K... keep reading... The game for immunity begins with everyone getting quiz to fill out. The quiz was accurately described by Rob as a "slam book"... Questions like "Who is the biggest slob in camp?" There were assurances that their answers would remain confidential. Any ways... they all fill out their books and hand ‘em in. When they arrive at the night time immunity challenge Dom Jeff whips out a page with quiz summery data on it. Now the game is to offer up answers that you think will be the "most popular answer" as tabulated from the quiz books. So when they ask "Who uses sex as a weapon?" and everyone says "Jenna" (except Jenna, who said Heidi) you can immediately see how well thought out the "... answers will remain confidential" bit was. Ha! Well the next question was "Who would NEVER survive on their own?" Again, every one say’s Jenna. Bwaahahahahaha... she was totally crestfallen... You could see her neural pathways firing away like crazy, trying to sort out the implications of this data... she just about burst into flames... but not before bursting into tears... which she only marginally held in check. Man she took a glorious emotional beating... I mean, even Heidi was there with the answers.
Rob takes this one home ... and understandably so, in that he is the only player actually paying attention to what’s going on in the game. When they go back to camp after the game... Alex gives his quote "I breathed a sigh of relief when Rob won..." This would be his very last sigh of relief yo!
K... gotta be Jenna the ignorant cunt. She treats Christie like a freaking leper for 30 days then has a shit fit when Christie out bids her on the letter from home. Then, magnanimous Christie paves the way for Miss Stinky Panties to get her own letter from home and does Jenna thank her? Does Jenna, Heidi or Alex ask Christie how her letter was? NO... they’re all too busy crowding around Jenna as she reads and making pathetic little kooo’ing noises. Those three make me physically sick! But Jenna, so amazingly vacant, is simply the worst of the bunch. "I was surprised that she did that [Christie winning the reward to see her letter from home] but not really." Oh bite me Jenna...
After about 15 days this category just gets ridiculous. But you gotta admit... if you watched this episode, that Matthew is one funny looking guy... not "funny insulting" like but just hilarious to watch. He is the only eye candy at this stage. I keep watching his facial expressions and laughing...
Well it started with the Fab Four (Jenna, Heidi, Alex and Rob) lounging around in their glory. But Rob, ever the player, ends up siding nicely with Matthew, Butch and Christie and frying Alex up like the little hairy fish that he is. This will inevitably lead to Jenna and Heidi getting smeared... so when it’s Rob, Butch, Christie and Matthew... hmmm... Could the early predictions of Rob and Christie sharing the final spots be good... or will the meek inherit the earth. (Meek, of course, being Matthew.)
God bless the Evil Doctor Dom Jeff. He goes from player to player asking them if they’ll be surprised by getting tossed tonight. Alex, ever the confident boob, would be "very surprised". Hahaha.. well surprise surprise... and the look on Christie’s face was priceless. :D BOOM ... the Pit cannon launches Alex outta there!
~ next week we get to see the backlash from scorned girls as they face Rob and his game playing ways... ahahahhaa... suck it up girls. Please repeat after me... ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Then stuff your loyalties and friendships up yer bum. Mmmk?
~ I’m really not sure how the Matthew thing will play out...
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