Survivor VI : The Recap Show
Arsenic, Old Lace, and a Sweet Transvestite
Wherein a Rocky meets Carmen Miranda gets herself a pineapple, the penicillin meatball is invented and the horror of political correctness a'la the dreaded Christian right worms it's way into the mid-season bowl movement of the Survivor show.
Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less... or more.. or whatever!
No boobies, no ass... no fleshy bits of any kind... and the word of the lord, delivered with such pathetic unintended acrimony when Joanna was on the show, was totally absent. So much for shivering with anticip-ation! Yessireee... CBS bows down to the influences of the Lords' earthly shepherds and cuts out all the good bits when they recap the show thus far. Instead, we get exactly four new bits and some visual reminders that these butt ugly skinny white folk used to have a little meat on 'em. Edit all ya like, but Rob still comes across as a boy that carries a picture of his right hand in his wallet...
"It's so nice to talk to this girl and not have to have a hand full of singles."
Jeanne, the so-plain-she's-a-cliché-of-plain girl that got hosed as soon as the tribes merged, does a creepy Lizzi Borden bit by making her tribe mates rice balls out of the moldiest, skuzziest, sickening'est manyak rice possible. They all compliment her on the result. If there was an live audience for this, they all would have yelled meatloaf. Apparently, it's a bad idea to let the plain girl know her goose was cooked. Little did she know she was proly mixing up a broad spectrum antibiotic for every bacteria in the Amazon. She goes on to give a speech about how she played the game "fair"... yeah... bite me.
Joanna, the tall, god-talk'en black woman... found a mini pineapple and started making so much noise that she made me want to kill her on the spot. Are we certain she was a she? All of her god talk was edited out of the recap... No letting the patootie say bless my soul. Yo? Christian Right! would you like some cheese with that?
Tits n' Teeth... I mean, Heidi, had a moment of unease over some creatures of the night and put another notch on the "holding it will lead to incontinence" lifetime warning label... refusing to go off on a pee adventure and managed to generate a good 5 minutes of Blair Witch like out takes. Little glowing eyes like a triffid that spits poison and kills staring back at her.
Hear No Evil got the lions share of the recap bandwidth (hence, I still think she's gonna win) and she got all creamy over a couple of the tribes mates trying to learn how to sign. She even had a late night double-feature picture show moment of "swing dancing by moonlight" with the "begging to stay" Rocket Boy.
~ I'm expecting the reunion show to have a "Soooooo who brought the granola bar?" segment.
~ God bless Lilly Saint Cyr.
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