Survivor VI : Update
Sticks and Twigs.
Wherein we are once again shown that education and physical strength are liabilities in this game. Oh, and Matthew puts a little time into reprising Jack Nicholson’s role from The Shining.
Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less... or more.. or whatever!
Well Deena’s panties are on fire, and Roger’s are up a tree. Niels Bohr and Butch "The Invisible Man" continue to forget that the meek are way busy inheriting the earth... hence the little "Logan’s Run" crystals in their palms are glowing. Mat? Matthew is so heavily invested in Rob, in and of itself a mistake of Herculean proportions, that he’s slipping into a seemingly put-on kind of mania with his machete (if you listen close you can hear him saying "red rum ... red rum") It’s bungee time for yummy stuff, which has to take place in loads of muddy water because we just haven’t seen enough of the Heidi slash Jenna’s tits and ass thing. Dave gets the yummi stuff, Deena gets a free ride, Rob plays with his marbles, and the Gidgets play with themselves. Being the least detested played nicely into Stinky Panty’s ventilated panel so she walks with the ugly necklace... and being the most detested strapped Dave to a Rocket... he got launched.
The Darwin Moment!
After the lights came on when Roger got his ass booted you’d think Dave would clue into the whole redirection thing and get Butch fried... but noooo... He wins the reward challenge, which included food, then comes back to camp and stuffs his face. Remembering his cock sure attitude in the first few episodes as he quite literally walked through camp begging for votes to stay... He just doesn’t get it... never has, never will.
"My panties are still on fire!" Ok... so the imagery that Deena invokes there is enough to distract me from what the hell she was talking about... however, she was just wedging an old pair of Rogers briefs into a tree.
"It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I am fucked." Apparently not.
"I really do play the game with this head."... As Rob gestures to the head on his shoulders. Yeah... ok... and when Heidi wakes up at night to find you lying there staring at her... she’s gonna chop off yer squeeze toy and share it with Jenna as a breakfast sausage.
"If, maybe, Dave wasn’t around, maybe that would be my arm around Heidi." Ok, back to the staring at Heidi while she’s asleep thing Dude, that is so going to happen when you kick Dave off... and the pope is gonna sell his foreskin on eBay too.
"Screw you, you fat pig." Wow... hahaha... choke.. hahahaha... oh man, Jenna you are such a freaking stereotype... she’s like a cartoon character of a skank that wanders through life on the strength of her ability to squeeze boys heads with her thighs. Needless to say, she wasn’t too pleased with Deena getting to enjoy the ice-cream reward with Dave.
"I trust Rob... he’s taught me a lot about how to play this game!" Matthew pretty well sums up the whole deal when he finishes with "I’m clueless" red rum red rum red rum.
... and my fav from the whole show... Jeff is running the Trivia part of the Immunity Challenge and asks what a Bush Master is (a type of snake). Rob gets it wrong...
Jeff: "Rob? You thought that was a forest ranger?"
Rob: "um, I thought it was a porn star."
Most Memorable Moment
* toss up* (and believe me... it’s a stretch... this was not a stellar episode)
There are these gnats... little miniature bugs that, I suppose, are attracted to their dirty heads. Rob comments on how everyone looks like Pigpen... When ever the camera pans back a bit and you see a couple of people trying to talk... there is a swarm of gnats spinning around above the persons head... making it hard for them to carry on the conversation because the other person just wants to laugh.
* and *
The night vision camera is panning across all the sleeping sticky stinky folks and we see Heidi all cuddled up with Dave. Then pan pan pan... over to Rob... who’s eyes, after a moment, click open like some serious psycho thing is going on in his head. I mean, Matthew is acting strange and all but he sorta looks like he might burst out laughing any moment while sharpening his machete... but Rob? Dude! The guy is stalking Heidi in a 20x20 foot camp on the Amazon River.
Well, Dave hadn’t had an opportunity to flex and kill tree’s for a bit so he and his invisible lap dog, Butch, cut down some tree’s to build a dock??? Because, you know, when you’re stranded and hungry in the Amazon you don’t want to get your feet wet. Life in camp is pretty much a routine of eating and sleeping and waiting to finish off the Dead Men Walking so they can hurry up and get to the "turning on each other" stage again.
The gnats are pretty well their only entertainment besides watching Rob lust after Jenna and Heidi... something that is already starting to turn to bitterness... "I wonder if girls like that would ever pay any attention to a guy like me?"... um, no, unless you parley that geekyness of your’s into a financial fortune.
Matthew spends all of his time in camp sharpening his machete. It’s quite the weirdness to see him all intense and psycho looking while he’s at it. However, I sorta thought I could see him ready to burst out laughing as he was doing this...
So Jenna has been asking for ice-cream since day one... although, last time she spoke up, it was all about asking for peanut butter since day one... regardless, the Reward is a trip to a little hide-away hosting a hot bath, a giant banana split and a huge-ass brownie Sunday. The challenge? Strap yerselves to a bungee cord and stretch it out to grab these flags spaced further and further out from the other end of the bungee cord. Oh, and this is all in muddy water. Three teams of three... winning team forms a new game, same rules but as individuals. Dave is just all over this thing... straining. Jenna is trying to keep her shorts from either falling off or ramming up her butt crack. She’s unsuccessful in this. Dave, however is successful, and when he’s declared the winner, he holds up two fingers behind his back and asks his team mates from the "three teams of three" part of the game to guess. Deena gets the right answer and he takes her with him on the Reward. Heidi and Jenna sour grape it right away. And when the winners get back, the campers are busy eating their meager rations... into which Deena and Dave dive... earning the "fat pig" comment from Jenna (said to a camera, not Deena...) and firms up some of Daves votes.
Deena made a point of telling Dave she would entertain the notion of pushing votes to Matthew... who has been acting psycho for a while now. She gives that promise lip service in camp but it’s not happening.
Ok... so the construction crew sets up this thing out of the movie "Home Alone" with a little log tied to a rope that needs three chops to break free and release the log to swing into a target. The target? The campers all received these ceramic masks and some paints to decorate them. Then they set their groovy masks up on the target holders and engage in this trivia game. Right answers gets you the chance to chop a rope. Three chops and the logs smashes your mask. Dave and Matthew go down first... then it’s a pecking order of who is disliked the most or who chopped your rope. Basically, it paid to be wrong on the first couple of questions so you didn’t make enemies.
Jenna was the last mask standing and got the necklace.
Yikes Rob and Heidi really should hook up... then have children... because the world needs another Doctor Evil. Rob just continues to freak me out with his juvenile attitude and stalker-esque behavior. Now Heidi... hmm... I mean, she’s getting her snuggles in with Dave at night but this doesn’t stop her (or slow her down) from voting with the party line at the Pit and tossing Dave outta there. I personally hope she sucks up to Rob next... because it’d be fun to watch him squirm.
Hmm... ok, so when Dave climbs out of the trees at the beginning of the show we had a few moments of his nutritionally deprived stomach muscles defined and popping... I’m guessing a few pheromones escaped as that crossed in front of a few zillion television screens. Then... after the Reward Challenge... Heidi and Jenna are all muddy and wearing bikinis. Of course, this calls for them to go give each other a sponge bath. The camera actually stayed zoomed up close watching Heidi washing her saline...er I mean boob. Rob, drooling in the background somewhere, comments that the guys refer to those two as "Sticks and Twigs" ... basically, bamboo shoots with boob jobs.
Dave, Butch and Matthew are the outsiders... Heidi, Jenna, Christie, Rob, Alex and Deena are on the inside. So next week they toss Butch and then Matthew... unless immunity gets in the way... then I’m expecting Alex to go. Rob is stringing Matthew along so seriously that Jeff tries to out him at The Pitt... but he lies so well, it just never gets on the table.
Jenna, resplendent in her ugly necklace, along with everyone else, votes for Dave... who votes for Matthew, thinking that he had support from a few others. I mean, Heidi... cute head-cuddle girl from last night? She voted to fry Dave. Dave totally walks!
Have you noticed Heidi’s mouth? Man... if she opens her mouth too wide, it’s going to overtake her face...
~ next week? Butch gets bit by a fish... go Butch. Oh, and there’s a clip of Rob saying that he is in charge of every thing even though Alex and Deena alternately think that they are... oh the excitement.
~ It’s time for a "Eat this... it’s gross" challenge. Don’t cha think?
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