Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Survivor 6 Update!!!


Survivor VI : Update


Yo Dave? How smart are you?




Wherein PRIDE gets a brand spanking new poster girl. We got naked girls, patricide, threesomes and shining cans of the silver bullet.



Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less... or more.. or whatever!
Hard core hypocrisy and just buckets of having a hate on for Roger gets us to a merger with alliances thick as sea poop. Then it’s all about a feast and learning to hate one another all over again... A new tribe, a new name, and boys going mental building a house. A debauched night of Coors Light, sex talk and Man-Boobs-Rob twitching in the corner leads to a morning of so much more Roger hating that I expected him to burst into flames. The Stand-on-a-pole game gets wet, but not before it gets naked and stupid is as stupid does. Roger’s stupid. Rock Paper Scissors seals the deal and Deena is the first one to wear the ugly necklace... then Stupid walks.

The Darwin Moment!
So Jeff gives the gang a feast... a smorgasbord of yummi stuff including a tub of beer... Coors Light, to be precise. They eat... they drink... they get merry. Psycho Roger, once again forgetting everything he read 350 years ago in "how to win friends and influence people" goes bossy-bessy on the gang and works everyone into a general snit. Night falls and it’s party time again... Roger? Goes to bed... snores, in fact. Everyone else? Party all night... Rob gets tortured with girlish sex talk, and Roger... sleeps. Morning comes and there’s fucking Roger... up with the worms smashing a metal thing into a machete, splitting wood... eye’s creak open, tired skinny people roll over and again with the KLANG BANG BANG... That was basically "BANG you’re dead!" time for Rog.

Best Quotes
"I’ll never forget it... as long as I live." This is Butch making me wanna puke as he laments the exit from ol’camp testosterone, at merger time.

Rob is in Tell it like it is mode;
Re: Alex after Shawna gets the boot; "maybe he’ll get his head out of his ass and get his head back in the game!" ... Ahhh yessss grassssshopper... now get yer hand out of your pants!
Re: well, Roger; "The problem with Roger is... he’s an ass!" ok... point made. But let’s belittle him a little;
"I have nothing to say to him... maybe Name that Perry Como song? Or What type of prune is this? But he is just so old...."
Re: the obvious; "The only chance I have with these two girls is if they get really drunk!".

Deena, jonsing for that post-survivor endorsement deal with PRIDE comes out with two. First, watching the boys fish, all sure of themselves about their brilliantly being able to count to five (five boys in camp, and four girls), she comments;
"First there was Adam... but then there was Eve."
And then she brings it all home with;
"Reality check, and Mate! Never underestimate the power of a woman!" As the votes shove Rogers skinny ass into the fires of "piss off you aggravating bastard".

Most Memorable Moment
It would have to be Casey Kasem’s possession of Rob at the "Pit of I Hate You" voting booth. Rob goes in to vote... holds up Rogers name and starts in with "It’s the American Top 40 and we’ve got a long distance dedication to send out..." and goes on to rag out Roger with a perfect and perfectly freaky Casey impression. :D

Jacaré
Jacare Deckerie Dock! They named their tribe for a crock. (Deena’s suggestion of Jacaré – Protégées for Crocodile or Alligator or something she mumbled) The two refuge camps clear on a map driven dash having finally been given keys to the ever present little locked box in their camps. It’s merger time and they paddle out to nowhere to meet Evil Lord Jeff. He gives em red stretchy bandana things, that they call buffs like we all knew that word before Survivor and big boat and a new map. "oh great, we have to build another shelter" was the obvious comment however the actual building of it... led by "drop and give me 20 Roger"... was another story. But first? We Dance! Haha... they get to the new camp and find all this food and beer... so they party a bit. Dave immediately loses his mind... a Rocket Scientist with no mind... imagine. "We are all just happy to be here... no one is playing any games... we’re just relaxing and enjoying our time together." Good God Man!
Meanwhile... Roger gets all goofy with the big talk "we need to build the shelter on a tangent from the cosign of the circumference of the Eastern European Sparrow winter range limit." or something like that... All the while Deena is making faces at him and trying to point out that they should build 40 feet back from the beech based on her ACTUAL TRAINING IN THIS STUFF... versus Rogers penis driven opinions.
"Blah blah blah blah" say’s Roger and then they build it where he was pointing to in the first place. Well, some of it... then there’s that Darwin thing the next morning KLANG!
After a frame freezing shot of Jenna’s arms... I mean, you see all of her... what’s left... but it’s the arms you see... twigs hanging akimbo off a curtain rod for shoulders... gah!
The boys fish... the girls plot... and so it goes.

Immunity Challenge
The ever creative cats at base camp trot out the "Stand on this pole" challenge. It’s dressed as a 4x12 inch perch atop a stand in the water. Jeff sits on some bigger platform and offers up snacks and meals to coerce the players off their perches... perchi? Well Roger is having a hard time of it from the get go... while everyone else smirks at his struggle. After 30 minutes Dom Jeff offers up Peanut Butter and Chocolate... Now Jenna had just said she’d strip for peanut butter... So go you magic man Jeff... having that up yer sleeve. Of course Jenna would strip for just about anything, let alone peanuts. She asks Heidi to play so they both yank off their tops. Up comes the localized blurring video – of course they had to blur all they way down to Heidi’s tummy... Then they go for their bottoms. Seemed altogether fine for Jenna but I gotta say that seeing Heidi bend over to yank her shorts down to her ankles gave us a perfect view of that exoskeleton of hers... bones popping out of everywhere. If she were a chicken in the grocery store you’d toss her back.
So any ways... they did their thing and jumped off to go get their reward. Roger meanwhile is still wobbling around. Jeff asks him how he’s doing and if he wants a reward... but idiot boy Roger did not get the concept. I can imagine him thinking... "I’m not pulling my pants down in front of all these people" and he jumps off. No reward. Everyone sends one another a quick thumbs up. It’s academic from here in according to the Alliance thing. This is followed by a hot pizza for the Mat, Rob and Butch, and Buffalo Wings for Dave and Alex. Leaving Deena and Christie just standing there... A rain squall whips in and passes through... they look like they could stay there all night. Instead, Jeff is offering Spaghetti and Meatballs... (Christie asks if there’s garlic bread!) and the girls decide to cash it in. They do Rock Paper Scissors with Christie’s scissors crushed by Deena’s rock. Deena gets to wear this ugly necklace thing...

Evil Do'er
Ok... forget about Roger for a second... (tool!) and go back to the night of beer cans and sex talk. We have the girls (heidi and jenna) talking about how girls would generally love to go for threesomes... saying a guy just has to ask. Rob is just a ball of jelly at the side and then is asked about his most bizarre sexual experience... "Well there was this time... at band camp... I had a hangnail..." ok, he didn’t say that... but it amounted to the same thing.. then THEN... we get this video moment of Rocket Scientist Guy saying "So, I’m with these two chicks..." and he just reeked of over ripe testosterone and a teeny little peepee. No really... he was instantly that guy you hated (well, I know I did) in high school. The degree to which he is full of himself is surprising when you consider how little of each of these hungry dorks there actually is. So, yeah, I’m painting Dave with the evil brush.

Eye Candy
hahaha... well, watching Rob almost wet himself when the girls took their tops off... or Butch averting his gaze and saying "I’m turning away..." I mean, it was funny. :)

Alliance
Ok... so pre-merge the Jamburu (jaburu) campers make their deals... Jenna, Alex, Deena, Rob, Mathew all agree to stick together no matter what... but to let the guys think there is a solid boys alliance after the merge. "So, we can never be seen talking together... the five of us" comments heir mastermind Rob.

Post merge, Heidi and Christie totally zone in with Deena and Jenna. This leaves Dave, Roger and Butch way WAY out in bumfuck Egypt, totally without a clue. Roger and Dave keep making "we are so great" style comments although Roger does mention that it sure feels "too easy." I mean, five boys, four girls... They think they’re gonna just pick ‘em off. Tick tick tick tick... ha!

Deena takes a moment to say to Rob... "you, me and Jenna."

The Out House
Jeff is a nasty little man... He plays Roger, asking him about any assumptions he’s making... and how the deals feel at camp, about the shelter building deal... where he basically tells Christie to get stuffed and go collect leaves when she wants to help.

They vote and it’s big-surprise time for the little guy. Dave, Butch and Roger toss their votes at Christie, but Roger gets the rest and he is toast.

Butch is extra clueless... when Roger goes, he makes this "wow" face... hahaha... guess what... there is a plan.

Roger is the last person to leave before jury duty starts... in fact, this is the girls strategy. Deena, Heidi and Jenna get together, talking votes and while Deena want’s Dave gone she concedes that Roger on the jury would never vote for a woman in the final two if he had a choice.

Two things...
~ wow... the preview gives us some good Matthew looking like he’s gone Norman on the tribe... holding his machete and twitching... So we’re supposed to think Mat goes over the edge next week. Now the next scene proves it’s Dave that’s actually over the edge because he’s all up with Heidi (a very sexually Bitter Rob does not like this... sleeping with the enema thing).
~ So they (Deena, Jenna and Rob) gotta get rid of Dave, Butch, Mat and Christie to make their master plan bear fruit. Think this will work? It seems to be relying on Christie playing her part.


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