Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Survivor 6 Update!!!


Survivor VI : Update


The Coke Show




Wherein the plot thickens and the boys come into a little of their own. There's coke, fire, fish and an unimaginably strong urge to just slap a little blonde chick around. Oh, and being half dead doesn't excuse you from your commitments... so buck up there Shawna and die another day. No really... these guys are making it way to easy for me. :D



Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less... or more.. or whatever!
Open with whiney bone bags complaining about the hired help... er, I mean the working women, and the boys do their best Timone and Pumba scrounging for grubs. They catch more grubs than fish... Then it's back to the saline crew and they're bitch'en about everything but all pales when compared to Joanna-the-voice-of-god go'en on and on with her fire-and-brimstone spiel. I suspect she feared turning to stone for just looking at Heidi. :D The Reward Challenge placed a bar fridge stocked with Coke in the boys camp after they burned all the hair off their legs. Immunity also had a penis thanks to girlish squeamishness as the gang fished for Piranha. Shawna goes over the edge while the other consipira-queens decide to get a little less religious thanks primarily to Hear-No-Evil's team vote... and the camp is less one scripture spouting lanky black chick, thank the lord.

The Darwin Moment!
Ok... you are lost in the jungle and starving your ass off... you couldn't find a fish if it was strapped to your ass and you win your first challenge in ages... The prize? a fridge full of coke. Cool... so what do you do? You OPEN SIX of them in one shot and pound 'em back like so many crack heads after a score. How pathetic can you get.

Best Quotes
"You've got bigger women with more fat to live on." ... and Heidi continues to endear herself to absolutely no one.

"Don't be mad 'cause we have good bodies... It's not our fault... get over it." as Stinky Panties presents the most dorkish version of herself possible.

"Beauty is deceitful and favour is vain, but a woman that fears the lord shall be praised..." Ok... I'm expecting Joanna to whip out her 357 magnum al la Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction... geezus freaking christ woman! Do you act like this in your everyday life? and do you get beat often?

"... and about Je and Joanna?...you want to do all this extra work?... by all means... do it! I am going to sit here... take a breath... maybe take a nap... and I guarantee you I'll be getting ahead of you in the game." Heidi, trying to make a play for being a lazy shit as her "game strategy". Unfortunately, she has a point, but it's only going to last until Deena decides she's had enough. And don't get me wrong... I'm all for cute girls being cute... but these silver-spoon bunnies were cute on day one... now their just so many bones with saline boobs.

"We have a strong team now!" says the boy boss of the moment, Alex, after the boys catch and eat a single fish. Yessiree, 1 fish, 7 adult males... yup, yer all strong now.

"Who needs Nair?" Dom Jeff comment as the boys set their legs on fire in the Reward challenge.

"It takes all I have to not have a three hour break.. I feel I'm a blubbery idiot." wow... Shawna... I'm betting the job offers just roll in after this exposure.

"Rob is the most enthusiastic, but he really is pathetic." ahhh Roger, otherwise known as "The Pot" is talking about his team mate, currently known as "The Kettle".

"Son-of-a-biscuit" As Joanna catches a stick while fishing... I'm guessing the girls tossed her off the island just for saying "biscuit".

Most Memorable Moment
The girls are hungry... and Shawna has all but exhausted her last grams of body fat through self-consumption. The camera pans in close as she wakes up from a nap to go do something (ha)... she stands up and she totally collapses. No really... I mean, she drops.. thunk. This leads to her practically begging her fellow camp shaboomi-ites to vote her dehydrated ass off ... but, alas (earwax) she does not get her way. Seeing her drop... memorable... That she didn't knock her head against a rock... lucky.

Jaburu - girls
Life in the ward is getting cagey. On the one hand, the little dildos bimbos are so depleted and have trained their little bodies to be lasy little snots they are nowhere near the physical capability of... say, a normal human... let alone the other women. This makes it possible for anyone up in the morning to talk trash about them. :D When wakefulness or some facsimile of being awake overtakes them, and they don't faint from the head rush of standing up, they spend the first hour fending off the evil stair zone from the worker bees. Sooooo.. they pool their collective brain cells and finding just enough for simple mathematics, and realize they need a fourth. They recruit Deena to be the swing vote and Deena is only too happy to oblige. Joanne is driving her batty and she figures she can manipulate the twig sisters when the time comes. Joanne manages to hold them all in an uncomfortable silence with some scripture references to back up the whole "beauty is only skin deep" story. This puts poor Heidi in the difficult circumstance having to try and understand Joanne's story and has an aneurism and dies... oh wait... no she didn't die... not yet.
Shawna has mentally given up and is physically a dead bag of girl. Deena has a freaken fit when Shawna starts going on with the "toss me out" attitude... because the conspira-queens think they need her vote. In the end, they present their case to Christy and they drag her into their clan, then go for the jugular on the other physically strong player - who just happens to be driving everyone bonkers. Hear-no-evil casts the swing vote to make up for Shawna's failure to see the big picture.

Tambaqui - boys
Ok, six adult males catch a single decent fish and act like they have a feast... the only thing worse is they're elation at gathering a handful of grubs. Butch comments that the only reason they don't have worms for bait is they have never bothered to collect any. They are amazingly lazy in details... but now they have a fridge (see Reward) so they'll proly expect a phone to call Dominoes next. Matthew is feeling the burn from his association with the recently departed Daniel so he's playing suck boy hard core... if it weren't for Rogers obvious homophobia he'd prol'y be dishing out blow jobs to the crew at this point. He plays his "I'm the bringer of food" card which only ever worked in Survivor One in hopes of earning his keep. Maverick... er, Rob... out's himself as a closet karaoke singer and ends up proving he (and everyone else) do not know the words to "You got that loving feeling". Generally, Camp Testosterone is riding high on winning a couple of challenges and they all have nice smooth legs.

Reward Challenge
Build a fire to burn through a rope. Reveal a part of a banner when the rope breaks. Now go build another fire... you can bring some of the first fire with you, and do it all again... more banner... another rope... more banner... fourth rope, you win. The wind is a factor and of course the twig factory in girl land can't put enough body mass in the way of mother nature to get their fire to burn well, while the boys line up against the flames, singeing leg hair big time and burn their way to a reward. This is where Dom Jeff comments "Who needs nair?" "Reward" is a jungle fridge... magically working... stoked with coke, cherry coke and vanilla coke... Roger, reading the nutrition info on the side of the can comments that there is not protein or fat in coke... big surprise there... I'm thinking the "can disintegrate a nail" quality of coke is lost to Roger. Surprisingly, they don't immediately map out a limited quantity of coke against the length of thier stay in the Amazon and they open six as soon as they win.

Immunity Challenge
Contrasting last weeks Avon challenge (which was only for Reward, mind you) the Immunity deal is a fishing derby... The game was to catch as many fish as you can in an hour... the twist was that the target fish were piranha. The girls were already squeamish enough at baiting a hook, but taking a little saw tooth cartoon character come to life off a hook was the kicker... they did surprisingly well, considering the editing made it look like they caught three fish but in the end, the boys out-fished 'em handily and took the brown baby doll home to play with ... I wonder if they stuck it in their fridge?

Evil Do'er
I'm voting for loony toons Joanne and her amazingly alienating and grating personality. I wanted to go with the whimp... Shawna, but Joanne is just too much. She starts belting out a religious song instead of saying anything worthwhile in her exit speech to the camera. Nasty to the end.

Eye Candy
A couple of shots of Heidi's implants when she takes her many sound bite moments blabbing her head off... and another moment of Jenna standing there in her stinky panties / thong (front view) but otherwise... the candy factor remains mostly absent... I suppose the girls watching enjoyed the Rocket Scientist but still nothing to write home about.

Alliance
The boys are a bit of a mystery. I think it's all about ganging up on whoever is least liked... The girls are, not surprisingly, all camped up in little groups... the three skinny girls are supposed to be a team, until Shawna zones out... before that happens they add Deena and put a shark in thier tank... and end up recruiting Christy all in hopes of zapping the big mouth (Joanne). This leaves Jeanna who, like Matthew, has styled herself "the bringer of food". The next fry on either side will be telling.

The Out House
It's girls night out and Shawna is begging to be fried... Jeff plays along and lets everybody talk like they were going to attend to poor poor pitiful Shawna... but the fix is in and even Christy pulls her weight at votes for Joanne, along with Heidi, Jenna and Deena. Shawna votes for Christy... but that vote was never read, so nobody knows... Joanne is out... and sings "the word" as she goes.

Two things...
~ next week we have Jenna and Dave on some hot date... therefore Rob will be crying in his coke somewhere over not being on a date with Heidi.
~ I'm still banking on Christy being the sneaky player that wins this game.


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