Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Survivor 6 Update!!!



Survivor VI : Update



The Avon Edition







Wherein doe eyed skinny white girls get naked and wash each other, while the boys ensure that the Wheaties endorsement bus will never stop at their door.







Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less... or more.. or whatever!

Testosterone continues to make life a cake walk for the girls, who reluctantly anoint a lead-chick and managed to clean the apartment. Of course, moldy rice and life in a total dump was getting a little tiring, so go figure. "Ding-Dong Avon calling" for a reward challenge - gee I wonder who should win this one? Fortunately for the girls, the boys continue to do all their thinking with the "little heads". Master-Mind ManBoobs Rob regresses to Master-Bates ManBoobs Rob, leaving his how-to-pick-the-loser plot totally out of focus, and the pendulum of hate swings back and forth between Roger and Daniel, like the over-ripe testicles of a Mexican Donkey. The girls primp like so many emaciated Hentei animations and the camera-MEN eat it up. The boys need a little Jesus action to turn some minnows into a meal and the girls catch some real fish, all en-route to another glorious defeat at immunity for the boys who can't work their way out of another Dom Jeff Bondage Challenge. They do manage to place performance over personality and Dan takes a dive into the Pit of Despair.



The Darwin Moment!

Rob! get yer little boobs and you're brains out of your pants for a minute and pay attention. The rest of the guys are getting sick of you. Amazon Rain Forest, a million dollars, and he's still wondering if Heidi would play "you suck this and I'll lick that" with him... as if... you dork. Geeez.



Best Quotes

"We're men... this is what we do." (talking about building shelter versus comfort) Alex? I think... but really, it could be any of these idiots.



"I initiate Deena." The girls try to hold a meeting and nominate a leader...and while some sort of "initiation" might have been fun to watch, the girls, for the most part, are really only just hopping down from the from the vanity stool to play at having a brain.



"I'm not supposed to look at stuff like that [ girls being hot ], but I'm not dead either." This would be Roger, forgetting just how dead he will be when his wife gets her hands on him.



"We have better bodies than the others... We're cuter." Heidi talking about herself, Jenna, and Shawna as they wash up, mostly naked, for the camera men in a creek bed. What can I say? Pathetic Vanity knows no greater depth than live action skinny white chicks acting like Hentie animations. Now it's a question of when the beasts tie them up and plunge phallic tails into their quivering orifices.



"Is there any chance that Heidi will notice me at the immunity challenge?" This would be Man-Boob boy talking to his magic eight ball ensuring that his fellow tribesmen dispel all hope that he will graduate grade 9 any time soon.



Most Memorable Moment

The hentei girls are playing the boys like they were working the crowd at a night club. Jenna comments to Rob at the Reward Challenge "you should hear the comments about you at camp... It's all good!" This, of course, leaves Rob blushing like a school girl with a corsage on his wrist getting ready to hike a slightly see-through prom dress up over his head. The result of this lone comment was to totally distance the boys from their few remaining brain cells and suck in their collective guts while the girls creamed their sorry asses in the challenge.



Jaburu - girls

Well... Ok. They conspira-queens pick Deena to be god o' the camp and then hold a meeting to make it look like a team decision. The gang of 'em are all afraid of getting saddled with the leadership role either because they worry about the target it places on their back (which is crap btw) or they are just inherently afraid of actually being responsible for anything. Deena's first order of business is to tell her little indians to clean up the apartment and wohooo... they vacuum. Considering their - at this point - only source of food (the rice) is starting to mold, they have no shelter and the "camp" area looks like a Tennessee trailer park after twister, it's high freak'en time. They even managed to get past "go" on the shelter.



They catch some fish... you know, actual fish with substance. We see footage of one girl catching a few and there's a good chance they will push themselves to eat well. I'm not sure but it seems like only one of them is catching the fish so there could be a "keep me 'cause I am the bringer of food" attitude in the camp soon.



Camp Shaboomi is a camp divided as the hentei girls primp and the worker bees attend to business... all the while Hear-No-Evil Christy continues to try and integrate and not slap Jenna. She's having to work extra hard at that though and I figure it's just a matter of time before she loses her self control. She was more than a little gagged over the Jenna, Shawna, Heidi primp session.



Tambaqui - boys

What an incredible bunch of tools. Between the bunch of them they cannot manage to catch more than a few minnows when they get around to actually fishing and now that they have a shelter, they seem to be all about fighting like high school punks and talking poon. They spent a whole evening talking like a bunch of butt heads about the girls like any of the girls in camp shaboomi would pay any attention to them what-so-ever in the real world. Just pathetic.



This is clearly going to degenerate into a Lord Of The Flies thing and the smart money has Dave remaining a thinking human while everyone else implodes. They keep back stabbing each other and... it seems to me... playing Rob. They are in the middle of Brazil, starving to death, ensuring that the world will paint them with pathetic brush strokes and they cannot stop thinking about hooking up with the girls. I'm sorry... I just keep repeating the word "pathetic" in my head.



Reward Challenge

The reward itself was dumb ass. A basket of goodies like tweezers, hair conditioner and a pumice stone? Yeah... and the boys sure need this shit. The game itself is far more interesting. The gang has to match up items from a cache of personal-hygiene items by guessing what one another has in their respective baskets. However, if Rob asks Shawna if she has "conditioner" that's pretty well a dead giveaway that Rob has "conditioner". This concept remains lost on the boys as the girls flex their tits and make winky comments to the testosterone crew. The girls work this advantage to a clear win and wohoooo... get all the primping tools. Yeah... pumice stone softened heals are remarkably important when you're lost in the Amazon.



Immunity Challenge

Ok.. Dom Jeff is in fine form. It's bondage land again as the two bands of idiots are put into bamboo cages that are tied, locked, and shackled with a variety of interesting knots and blocks. S&M runs thick in Jeffs frontal lobes. The experience of the girls trying to untie their boat from the launch in the first few seconds of the series had me certain the boys would walk with this one.

However, it's time to quote the late John Belushi with a big "But noooooooooooooooooooo!"



The boys grab an early lead - as they did in the Reward Challenge btw - and then miss a key rope that left them goofing around and visibly straining as the specter of losing again to the girls began to take shape. The game included "freeing up" a machete and using it to cut a rope... er, actually two ropes... the boys free up the machete and WHACK one rope... the girls get their machete and saw away all dainty like, but they "saw away" at both ropes. The boys missed the second rope and fall behind so dramatically that they cannot pull forward again. The girls free themselves from the cage as the boys sit like so many puppies at the local animal shelter.



Evil Do'er

Roger is a dork. He's all pissed at the pathetically naive Daniel. Dan refuses to actually do anything besides stand around while his metabolism consumes his own muscle tissue. Meanwhile Roger is getting madder and madder... he comments that he was about to "give him a kung fu chop". Captain Intolerant is wound up like the spring in a child's toy and he will eventually snap from the pressure of not being able to fire all the people that are taller than him or, egad, those that hold opinions more tolerant than his.



Eye Candy

hehe... ok, we had the Kennedy Rape Trial distortions of video images going on while the camera men acquired footage of the hentei girls bathing in the creek. Keep searching the news-groups for the raw footage of their naked bits. Classic scenes of the three girli girls washing one another while they none-too-delicately cupped their breasts with free hands had me hoping they'd start cupping each others breasts. In the end, it was as pathetic as expected when you realized this was probably the last chance the cameras would have to see actual body fat. There was plenty of gross rib-cage action. Unless there's a few saline bags hiding under there, the boob fest will soon take on concentration camp proportions.



Alliance

LOL!!! You gotta laugh at idiot boy Daniel as he engages Mathew in mandarin Chinese conversations thinking he has formed a "true" friendship with Matt-the-rat. If he had paid any attention to the actual conversation, he would have heard Mat defending Roger. Dan even responds to one of Dom Jeffs Pit questions that Mat is the only real friendship he's built here... And then Mat goes on to vote Dan's ass out of camp. :D hahaha...



The little Hentei girls have a clear alliance of "ain't we cute" going on... but they are forgetting that they are three... THREE is not a voting block until the gang of them drops below six.



The editing room floor is prol'y littered with bits of tape showing the boys talking beyond the idiot level stuff that Rob goes on and on about with his plot-talk. Note that the boys voted as a complete block to fry Daniel.



The Pit

The boys drag themselves over to the Pit to take some abuse from Jeff. I noticed that Alex looks a lot like Jeff... dunno why but I thought I'd mention it. The boys got all snaky in camp prior to the Pit trip with Rob trying to carry on his plot to find a cohort in an ouster bid of Roger. Alex ended up the swing vote between the rest in a bid to be rid of either Hulk-o-maniac Daniel or Mr. Personality Roger. It looked like Alex would vote Daniel then - I'm guessing - the gang all got on board because the vote at the Pit was an all out kick at Dan. Jeff, however tried to push everyone's buttons in his question period. You could just feel him being sick and tired of how ridiculous the boys have been and continue to be. Daniel loses completely and is tossed into the flames.



Two things...

~ next week's highlights include a little recognition that there are Piranha in the Amazon and we will get to see Shawna doing the whimpy "I can't take this" thing.

~ Butch must have been saying or doing intelligent things this week... and seeing as the editing is decidedly skewed to showing how pathetic (there's that word again) the boys are, all the Butch Moments were cut... He had zero face time this week.



Special Note

This update has come to you from a sunny balcony overlooking a ginormous pool and hottub in Orlando, Florida (on vacation). So I'm sorry in advance if I seem a bit absent in "response land".





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