The Days of Christmas (4)
On the First day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
a pure evil, pure white cat - I called it Satan. Then she left me.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
two grams of pot! She felt awful about the 'leaving' thing and wants me to take her back, so she showed up with a little baggie and brandishing a big ol'hickey I know nothing about! hmmmm...
Oh, and Satan, the dam cat, basically lives under my big comfy chair.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
three tabs of E! and said "lets go dancing." Geez, I said "No, my ankles are bleeding and swollen!" I chucked the E. It turned out that the pot from last night was cat-nip! Satan got into it big time and now the dam cat lunges out from under the comfy chair to claw and bite at the ankles of whoever's sitting.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Four turtle doves! No, seriously. She thought it was all poetic and from that song… you know about the Days of Christmas. Well she got that wrong - it was "four calling birds". Did you know that 'turtle doves' are basically pigeons! She came in the door and released (RELEASED!) the fucking pigeons in to the apartment. When she saw that I really wasn't into the 'poetry' of the whole thing… and I after correcting her about the 'calling birds' thing, she stormed out.
So Satan, who is stoned all the time now, is hunting the little shit machines all over the place. I can't even find two of them. This blows.