Survivor V : Update
Dogs I tell you! Wild Dogs!
Wherein the children of a lesser god play amongst themselves... poorly. Why, even Bilbo earns a reprimand from his Highness the Lord Jeff Dom of the Island. We see a girl on the edge of a breakdown and another falling off. Sarcasm reigns supreme and, personally, I continue to delight in the outstanding misfortune of those that worked so hard for the chance to feel so amazingly crummy. Spell it with me L*O*S*E*R*S.
Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less... or more.. or whatever!
Still sleep'en in the rain, Stephy-the-naked-firefighter is almost done... and in serious need of a little xanax. Ted, his largeness, is completely done - with Ghandi girl, that is, and speaking of the queen of the Beach Bellow, she's all about sarcasm and ill-conceived plots. Reward comes to they that carried the dummy the best... and no, that doesn’t mean Jar Jar gets a free ride, although his team does get all the bananas... (um, that's not hyperbole*... they win bananas) and Immunity is awarded to the team that can solve another puzzle... Chewing Gum lets Ghandi work the puzzle so, of course, they lost again. That puts them at the Council of "get the fuck off my island" and they give the ol'heave-ho to the dead weight... the sensitive butt crack... the beach bellowing Ghandi.
The Darwin Moment!
Ok... remember day one? the first immunity challenge? Chewing Gum had the challenge dead to rights until Butt Crack girl got stumped by the shape puzzle. Well the Immunity Challenge tonight was another shape puzzle and what do the Chew Toys do... they put Ghandi in with the closers... and (d'uh) they lose. Hello? (bonks each and every one of them on the forehead with a mallet!) Ghandi is not what ya'd call a spatial mechanic yo!
"Stick it where ever you want... " Now poor pitiful Steph, after several rainy, cold and totally crappy nights sleeping on the beach... and after losing her only buddy (Jed) to the council, is ripe for a complete mental breakdown. She comments that "stick it..." bit after the other socially retarded Sookies accept a food collection from her but don’t want her to cook it in the large pot.
"If our tribe is a body... I am the arm that got bit off by a shark." Yo... Nail... Head... Ghandi talking.
"I only see five people..."
"I just can't stand her..."
"I truly hope I never see you again in my life." WORD! Yo! you and me both brutha! (Ted talk'en trash about his butt crack chick, Ghandi)
"it's a love fest..." Ghandi talk'en sarcasm as the Chewies sit about avoiding confrontation.
"We're in the olden times... and they just fell into their roles... cooking and cleaning."... Yup... a little more sarcasm from Porno Boy looking at the division of labour in Camp Chew Me.
Most Memorable Moment
"For the first time ever, I have a name/vote that cannot read!" ... His lordship Dom Jeff, is as close to bitch slapping a tribe as I've ever seen 'em. :D This was his comment as he tried to read Bilbo's vote, which was, in fact, a vote to oust Ghandi. He comments again... "Enough with the nick names... " and in his dreams he pulls out a cat-o-nine-tails and lays into Bilbo until the skin begins to peel back from his itti-bitti little furry chest. :D
Bah! They are all too divided to deal with anything... They wander through this on egg shells worrying that Ghandi will freak out again. The only saving grace for them tonight was the laughter they inspired when we are given video moments of the women folk beaver’ing around camp, cooking, cleaning, and organizing and then we switch out to the boys sitting shoulder deep in the lagoon relaxing. This brought about Porno-Boys quote (above).
We get several little moments of the fall out from the "crime of the century"... the Ghandi butt crack thing, with Ted ragging out on how much he dislikes Ghandia. For sure the cutting room floor is littered with segments of him cuss'en her out hard hard core. She, on the other hand, is just basically a nut job. She's getting sarcastic and then quite caustic when she works on getting the girls to consolidate their votes against Bilbo. There will be three votes for her (boys) and she wants to set up a tie against Clay.
Other than the psych patient sitting on the beach - who is her own special story - the Sookies are nothing more than a group of third nipples. Completely useless. Oh sure... they're young and strong... but socially retarded in the extreme. Steph is bummed that her bud Jed is gone, and she's still being a hard ass about the shelter so… she's cold, tired, and bummed. Add hungry, alone and disliked and you have the making of some serious medical expenses. The others have no idea how to deal with it except to sort of toss tired expressions from the sidelines... but you know... when everyone is on the sidelines and there's nobody on the field, well... nothing gets done. If they had gone to council they would have tossed Steph in a heartbeat. Even though she's the only one that has any concept of getting food... sick and disgusting food (squids from the beach) but food, the rest of them act like they think the other guy just ordered a pizza so they can relax.
Rob, the skater-boy gets a vid moment saying a little prayer of thanks for something, like a meal blessing. Um.. this is the same guy that wanted to "spit in Clays face". Jar Jar wearing religion!... all he needs now is some steroids.
"I swear!!! There’s a dummy over there as big as yo’ass!! Bilbo goes to get tree-mail and finds a two hundred pound dummy... sort of a "Vicious Dog Training" looking human shape. They have to decorate it. Camp Chewing Gum manages to make a little jungle Madonna, with the shell bikini cups and all... all bright and cheerful. The Sookies? Oh yeah... they stand around unable to move... (remember the "sidelines" issue from above) and then Steph steps in to decorate their beast. Nobody helps her!!! er.. they say "she doesn’t want any help" etc... as I said, they have no idea how to fix the relationship with Steph. She finishes and the camera pans back to show the thing... and the Sookies looking at it. I’m stuck with the notion of watching a mommy look at little jimmy’s crayon drawing of Daddy beating him with a hockey stick. It’s an angry angry purple, warrior dude.
The actual challenge is to carry said giant dummy around an island obstacle course that includes the big-ass hill climb and lots of negotiating rocks. The Camp Chew looks tired as the game starts and they lose.
The reward is three large "vines" of bananas at different stages of ripe... I guess to space out their longevity... although the Sookies will prol’y eat the lot in the next two days and develop complex digestive issues from eating not-ripe bananas. :D
The physical nature of the first challenge is replaced with a cerebral moment doing a pair of "Tan Gram" puzzles. A large square piece of cardboard is cut into 10 triangle shapes and you have to use ‘em to make a specific shape... The Sookies were bad at it... but still kicked Chewing Gum butt because those bone heads let Ghandi play a thinking game.
The minute they lose...the show becomes a study of Ghandi trying to shore up a tie vote to save her sorry off-limits butt crack.
Yo! Evil Ghandi... there’s nothing to say... cept goodbye.
I’m telling you... this is just pathetic... The entire crew is just so wet-puppy like, all droopy eyed, malnourished, and fatigued, it’s going to be a trick to get some eye candy from this...
Well... what is there to work with here... it’s all a "us against them" thing here... the Chewies are just purging the toxic relationships... and the Sookies will just consume each other like a pack of wild dogs... there is very little or room for alliances at this stage.
The Out House
Yo Jeff! Clay writes "Denver-Dancer Girl" or something like that... but he has the cursive writing skills of a hedge hog... so when Jeffie pulls it out of the bucket he’s just flabbergasted. It was priceless actually. He’s all "ok, who did this?" (Bilbo fesses up) "Ok... smarten up, and enough with the nick names". Don’t cha think he looks as though he wants to slap these guys?
They vote her off right quick with a couple of votes for Clay. The swing vote was Helen... The Katie Clipboard of the crew who manages to pull of a rather embarrassing moment talking at council as if she just ate eleven thousand chocolate covered espresso beans. Blabbidy blabbidy blabbbbb... But her vote was the one that "off’ed" Ghandi Girl.
Go Helen. :D
~ mmk, next weeks preview was exciting... we see Jar Jar dropping in the surf as though a giant see monster grabbed his foot and was about to drag him out to the deep water and drag him down far enough to implode him... of course, it’ll turn out that he stubbed his toe or something... Jeffie suggests that CG experiences some giant loss...
~ Ghandis exit speech can be paraphrased real easy... "Hi, I’m a schizophrenic fire hydrant with shoes."
* yeah! I got to use "hyperbole" in a sentence... :D