Stone cold lying... manipulation and abject stupidity... yup, yer watching a Big Brother marathon. The house-mats are asked to expect the unexpected once again, and little did anyone guess that it would turn out to be a "stupid human trick" of such proportions that even David Letterman couldn't have compassion for these bone heads. Nothing can prepare you for the unrelenting assault of proof positive that there are complete fools in the world and their captain is on the Big Brother USA tv show. Oh, and Lisa tries to eat the sex organs of a giant sea urchin. wohooo....
Soooo much to say, so little time. A two hour marathon edition of the BB3 show gives us a "golden power of veto" (here-after referred to as the golden snitch - tipping my hat to Harry Potter), a Dinner Party From Hell food competition with Jason - the last Christian Virgin - in the role of the Great Horned One (and he got mighty pissed off, lemmi tell ya!), nominations, a veto competition, a golden snitch blow off (POV meeting), a blessed execution and a new HOH. All in one sitting.
Just the FACTS: Roddy is basically being compared to David Koresh, as the psycho charismatic leader, BB offers the gang a golden snitch - a POV that you can use to save yourself, the all lose the food competition completely, Marcellas (aka Catherine Zeta Jones) wins the Golden Snitch, Jason nominates Amy (her fifth kick at the cat) and Marcellas (who goes totally bonkers with self-righteous angst), Marcellas, in a masterful stroke of utter - neigh pathetic - foolishness, does not use the golden snitch to save himself, and the tie vote in the live eviction is broken as Jason tosses the Big Dumb Flaming Flamingo over the edge of the cliffs of doom. Oh and Danielle is creaming herself over wining the Head Girl job for the next week.
Oh and the games:
The food competition. BB gives the gang fifteen minutes to get ready for a "formal dinner" ... so, of course, this includes watching High Maintenance Amy running around practically in tears demanding that etiquette demands they be given a weeks notice. The get dolled up... and damn... you know, I just wanna dislike Amy, but she looked hot in the black dress and cheep sunglasses... Any ways, they all go outside to this massive gothic setting for a dinner party. They (BB) presented it like a moment from a vampire movie and we even get this voice over thing making Jason sound all devil like. The first thing the gang notices is the buckets by their seats... hahahaha... and of course they get their collective backs up. Jason cannot play the game, as the game official... and since it really looked like nobody was going to make it, he became a serious coach trying to get the players to win. But no. Lisa was not too terrifically interested in eating the sex organs of a giant sea urchin, Dani didn’t want to swallow... er, boiled pigs feet, Amy couldn’t stomach Poi, and the Haggis? Nobody came close to putting "Satan’s favorite paté" (the Haggis). It was just udderly (pun pun pun) disgusting to watch them try not to barf. So PB&J all week for the gang. Oh, and Jason was right roaring ticked off that they didn’t win. He even sampled everything to see what the big deal was. They were collectively forgetting that he had yet to make the nominations.
The Golden Snitch Game;
Did you see the movie "Entrapment" with Catherine Zeta Jones? (Michael Douglas’s new little baby popping wife-ette) She does this wearing skin tight clothing, bendy-chick, move’en deal to get through a bunch of laser beams in a security system. Well the house-mats are all dressed in cotton skin tight stuff, and they have to step carefully through this outdoor course of evicted house-mat pictures and laser beams. It’s a "fastest to the end" thing but each time you screw up you get penalty time. Lisa did not want to win... she wanted Marci to win... so she just bails on the game and walks through all the beams (yes, I - and the cameramen - was hoping she was into it so we could get some video of her being a bendy-chick) and totally loses the game. Amy does the Zeta-Jones deal but in the end, Mr. "I’m all ass, thigh and abdomen in this outfit" Flamingo bends through the course in record time. (ps. This was a cool game to watch.)
The Golden Snitch Moment;
After winning the snitch, Marcellas is in the perfect position to end up in the final three for the game... he could have played it to money time if he had an ounce of common sense, but he is too busy posing for the cameras, talking to his crazy ass self and otherwise flaming around the house to actually make any use of his brain. So when the cameras are on him for the live show Golden Snitch moment, he declines to use it... WHAT? And puts it away. Note that at that very moment a large gooey wet spot formed under Danielles ass on that sofa...
"Marcellas, it's you and me, you and me, me and you, you and me, me and you." This from Danielle as she lies like a rug all over the place.
"First off, Marcellas, I have to do this.... S*M*A*C*K" as Stick Girl whacks him on the back of the head in the loser lounge.
"If you didn't play to win, why did you come into the Big Brother house?" Stick Girl in an effort to call out Marcellas on his ridiculous attitude about "being here to learn something" ... and all this time I thought it was the HALF MILLION DOLLARS.
"uh oh... there's buckets" ... the gang comments upon walking into the food competition.
"As long as you're not bringing Chiara or Tonya back to kill me, it's ok." um... yeah, this would be Amy's reaction to the plasma screen announcement that they should once again "expect the unexpected" (the prelude to introducing the gang to the golden snitch).
"I hate this fucking game... You don't get points for being nice to people." opines Marcellas as he grapples with his nomination. Hello? Where does he think he is? in church?
Most Memorable Moment
Oh yea... Julie Chen, the next journalist for the unemployment line, smacking Marcellas on the head with her note papers when he got in the loser lounge was just fucking priceless...
Best bit from the Live Feed Transcripts
I really avoided the LF’s this week to save up the surprise of what happened last night... but I did read about the food competition. Did you dig those rules? Yeah, well nobody else understood them either... they had to go over the rules several hundred thousand times to figure out how to play... and nobody liked the game... and nobody could win... and they all called BB on what a stupid game it was and yea, I laughed when I read all that... :D
Dani... the queen of manipulation;
Now I’m remembering Danielle and Jason in the bedroom talking "If he - Marcellas - wins the golden snitch we are dead." Well, Marci won the golden snitch... and Dani was on the ball instantly working him on the notion that Amy was on her way out and he had nothing to worry about... and - of course - he bought that hook, line and sinker.
She just lies to his face hard core and I can’t blame her... anyone that came into this game expecting it to be a worthy encounter of the nice guy versus the devil had better toss his fiddle in the well and pack.
Now, what’s with the evil ugly thing on her shoulder? Some large-ass oozing thing... Maybe her basket of goodies for wining Head Girl will include a band aide.
Amy is hilarious... I mean, think about it... she’s been on the block five times and even been evicted... totally taken to task about all her habits and overdrinking... and she keeps on smiling like a pageant queen. We see her unpacking and packing a couple of times... in all cases this is no more complicated than her opening a drawer and scooping out a big arm load of clothes and stuffing them in a bag.
Lisa ... not sure what’s going on here... she formed a dumb ass sudden deal with Marcellas just before he gets tossed out... did anyone else notice that she voted for Marcellas to stay... against the wishes of the wishes of Nurse Ratchit? (Danielle) Will this put her in danger next week versus Amy?
Marcellas... I can finally stop talking about this big ugly bag of mostly water. God I am so sick of him... can you imagine actually having to deal with him in real life? What an enormous pain in the ass he must be!!! He is totally TOTALLY rocked off his sox when Jason fries his flaming ass in the tie breaker vote. He almost broke down in the house... He didn’t even pack his belongings ... hahahaha... he ends up in the loser lounge with Stick Girl holding his ugly little black-face painted Gnome. His family must have all walked out of the studio in disgust the minute he declined to use the Golden Snitch to save himself because there was no one there to meet him.
Ok... well this is kind of awkward... I mean, Jason found his testicles long enough to knock the flamingo off in the tie breaker but that was really only after some careful manipulation by Dani girl. I kept thinking "nice lap dog you got there Dani!" So the problem is THERE IS NO TESTOSTERONE IN THE HOUSE....
What? I want Lisa to win now... so? I get to change my mind all I want... I said as much at the beginning of this season...hahaha... but I have a feeling it’ll be Danielle and Jason in the money game. She’s just too good at this. Jason? Well, even though he has no balls of his own, he has been smart enough to talk nice about everybody all the time... so they (everybody else) will like him come vote time. I wonder if we’ll find out that he is actually a Satan worshiping semi retired Dom after all is said and done?
Oh, and they have one last America’s Choice thing and it’s a "who deserves to have a live chat thing?" Lisa will win this... and Stick Girl said something about getting an afternoon "out of the house"...
PS. Hey Big Brother... what the hell are you thinking letting Stick Girl wear a reflective disk around her neck... how annoying was that?
PPS. SURVIVOR STARTS NEXT THURSDAY!!!!