Well week one is wrapping up and the house-mats have distinguished themselves as an eclectic group of ugly yellow bags of mostly water. First impressions hold in some areas and really kinda flip in others... but the bottom line remains the same. Josh is a pig, Gerry is a loose gonad, and Lori is the freak'en Church Lady from SNL reincarnated.
Hi my name is Josh... I'm a loser, I'm a dick and girls just fucking hate me. Watch me slap everyone's ass so I can get away with touching Tonya. I wonder if she'll let me be her hamster? I wonder if she'll cuddle me... maybe she'll hold me up by my tail and my BUG EYES will pop right out. Oh, and that evil bastard Gerry doesn't follow my instructions and he rescued the black guy. Good thing CBS isn't gonna show the footage of me making racist jokes and complaining about Marcellas.
An hour long show with about 10 minutes of stuff, commercials, and the rest is the house-mats being dicks. Well, Eric and Tonya don't get many sound bites - although his torso and her boobs get plenty of face time. Mostly though it's The Giant Penis, Josh, being a scary kind of psycho.
They held a competition to see who could notice things that The Overlords had surreptitiously removed from the house... er, with a grass skirt level of a Hawaiian theme. They all were issued either blue or red lays, and the winning team was treated to a big honk'en luau. (meal)
The only other meat to tonight's show was the veto vote... Gerry, who has slipped into some strange place populated by Martin Luther King wanna-bee's got all anti-racist and rescued Marcellas from the land of the pink-slip holders. A good choice but, really, they picked him (M) because he was driving the others bonkers on night one.
Most Memorable Moment
Really not a lot about last night was so special... for the entertainment value, Danielle does a great impersonation of Gerry and I laughed at her bug eyed white folk act... but the sadist in me totally enjoyed the moments of Josh stepping closer to the "cliffs of insanity" (princess bride anyone?) as Gerry cast his veto.
Well Large Gonad Guy (Gerry) got all weepy when he started talking about his black nephews and why he was feeling guilty about the Marcellas pink-slip and Lori (who, by the way, is a complete and total nut job) is so close a bucket of tears that she's officially painful to watch. Please let her be the one to go!
Skank Muffin (Lisa - the hoe biscuit) is all skin and bones and filling the screen with her giant mouth... she warns us in the live feeds that she is due for her Aunt Flo to visit next week and will (in her words) be a bitch from hell... and we'll be able to see the diff?
Are we sure Tonya isn't a porn star?
Do you wash your hands after a trip to the can? Yes, I do but I didn't all the time, until I the community germs of working at an office started grossing me out. Gerry, an older guy working at a school (teacher) apparently doesn't and holy crap did the ladies ever get nasty when they noticed... The best part, however, was watching Lori lose it when she calls the assembled idiots on their bitching about the hand washing issue. As she rightly points out "just tell him and be done with it..." The problem - of course - is that she is a total freak about saying this, looking pretty much like a cat dancing with baggies on it's feet. She really gets out of control fast.
Chiara is a fun-tramp... you know... a girl that knows how much fun sex and sex stuff is and basically doesn't care if other people have a problem with that. Saving grace is that she still looks like a pretty girl versus Lisa that looks like a freaking 25$ hoe from the streets of LA. She's (Chiara) talking about her youth and games involving running her street naked (from the live feeds) and explains how a dare would be to get naked and run around shouting "I'm a Danish, eat me." mmmk. Poor Jason... (virgin boy)
Marcellas is just flaming all over and, personally, he adds good content to the drivel of the Josh clan acting all puffed up. But he has more estrogen than any other two girls. :D He sure looks his part sitting around in his bright white bath robe all the time. :D (ps. He brought 4 bottles of baby oil with him... no wonder he's always so shiney)
"ComeonIwannaLayYa" shouts Gerry as the luau starts up... or " Halle-fucking-luiah " when he's deciding to save Marcellas. He's full of sound bites.
Just pretend I spent a whole page going on about what a fuck-nut Josh is. Ok? (he's the guy that "cooks all the good stuff just to screw the other guys" - the "other guys" are the ones that won the challenge and got the lew-ou. Danielle describes him well as the most un-sexy man alive. The guy is several short steps away from a jail cell if you ask me. Oh, and he explains that the order of eviction will be (to quote live feeds again); Marcellas, Amy, then Lori. Me? I'm betting he's wrong. Jason, Eric and Roddy didn't get much air time but they'll get their time.
Unlike Lori, Danielle has risen to the occasion by making herself a desirable house-mat with plenty of entertainment value... unfortunately she has a hot temper. Watch for this to bite her in the near future. I bet she's gone in the first six weeks.
The "group of 6"... who think they had an all-powerful alliance is toast and they will soon be replaced by smaller power blocks of two and three... and I'm still hoping for a boys against the girls game. :D