Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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BB3 Update

Let's id the cannon fodder.. mmmk?

ACK! EDIT: I just realized I've been calling Jason Joshua... will now fix... sorry about that.

Cross dress'en, back stabbing, virginity, pathetic caving-in and outright malicious manipulation... yup, the house-mats are in the game. The first pink slips were handed out following a methodology proven to backfire in the last two editions of this show. The kids won a competition to open the hot-tub and have already formed a lose alliance - which has already been compromised - the alliance, not the hot-tub... although it will the home to much partially dressed house-mats. Oh, and did mention there was a virgin in their midst?

In Brief
Six kids keep on agreeing to toss Marcellas, and everybody worries they'll be nominated... The flaming-shiny-guy is a wack job. Lori's a whiner, and Amy appears to have been a man once.* They slime up good and swap slimy clothes in under six minutes. This gets 'em into the previously locked hot-tub. Lisa, the hoe-biscuit, nominates Marcellas and Lori. Oh, and Jason is a virgin.

Instant alliance guys, the first six out-of-the-tree, get their way with the noms, but not before we are forced to endure the now standard misdirection from the editing room. We see Josh (aka The Prince - as in Machiavelli) jonesing over a fear that he'll be tossed and makes an ass of himself. Only Tonya and Gerry seem "under the radar".

Marcellas is going on and on about what he doesn't like about everybody... you know, important stuff like being upset about Tonyas "bad dye job" (let alone he "huge breasts") or Lori's choice of clothes. What a superficial tard. How the hell did he get on this show? Oh wait... as cannon fodder.


The gang gets to doll up in shorts, t-shirts and two piece bikini's so they can jump into a vat of semi-opaque slime. There they have to switch outfits so the boys emerge in bikinis and the girls in shorts and T's. Needless to say they got to know one another a little better. And we all got to find out that the bikini bottoms fill up quite nicely, thank-you-very-much, with slime when hauled up a boys legs. The guys emerge from the tub with these big honk'en loads bulging under their asses looking particularly skank on old-man Gerry. The house-mats do this in under six minutes so The Overlords (bb) unlock the hot-tub as a reward.

Most Memorable Moment
Poor little Jason, with his boy band hair and werewolf eyebrows thinks Chiara knows he's a virgin and hopes she can keep it to herself. Next scene? Chiara calls him on it while Tonya cuts his hair, and most of the other mats are standing around. And then she's dancing around making a giant Village People like V with her arms. I bet it almost occurred to him to ram a wet towel in her mouth and feed her to Joshua.

Tear Patrol
Lori, pink slip holder number one, is gonna be loads of fun. She is going to make a freak'en giant PITA of herself all week. She's already chocking 'em back in the idiot room (the diary room, where the house mats can chat it up with the disembodied voice of The Overlords, is the scene of much idiotic bravado).
I'm also thinking poor little Jason will end up weeping as the vultures... I mean women, start torturing his virginity. (If there is a god, he will get this boy laid on national television and then let us watch him cry about it... please please please.)

Hello Amy? please remove a ping pong ball from your chest and glue it to your throat... you so need an adams apple. She's all deep voice and funny looking and the only way you know she doesn't pee standing up is the never ending verbal leaking... blah blah blah blah... oh god.

The ho-biscuit, head girl lisa is just pathetic. The other dates are yammering about how great she looks in a bikini while every other sane person on the planet is counting her ribs and spinal nubs... eat a burger girl (and with that enormous mouth, this would be a one-bite thing). She get's the low down on some boy scheming thing and gets all big-talk about it in the idiot room but either has a curious sub plot or just caved, in a fit of girlish indecision - and pink-slipped the house-mats as per gang-of-six plans. Marcellas and Lori get the nod.

Note: marcellas is utterly without testosterone so he goes here... and he flames all over the place... babbling incomprehensibly.

After plenty of Eric (marky-mark look alike boy) torso and flexing, we get a little boys-will-be-boys with the weights and plenty of Joshua's absolutely painful voice in the idiot room either talking big talk or panicking about getting tossed. Oh and virgin boy is just working the "I'm so cute and cuddly" deal hard 'nuf to earn full body waxing.

The Prince is scheme’en with Dad (Gerry) in the supply room about a coalition of boyz and - of course - Lisa (head girl) overhears it through her wall. Then we get the big talk about changing strategy and I'm excited... but unless she moves to form a "girls against the boys" thing, I'll be let down. She nominated with the will of the gang, picking marcellas (thank god) and Lori. The supposition is that Lori will not be voted off... but she's going to be a wreck this week and will prol'y be a pain in the ass and Marcellas will prol'y lay low so we'll see if this plot backfires.

I'm just guessing that joshua will mess up and become reviled by the rest of the gang and I will pray that it becomes a girls against the boys thing. That would make for some grand scheming... because, well as much as boys will be boys... god knows that girls will be girls.

* ok, so maybe not, but that voice... that attitude... yo, check for ballz.

ps. I need a special Icon for these posts... any ideas?

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