Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

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kidlettes...??

Just about to venture out into big T-Storms etc. for the drive home... but I was thinking;

So you think you're ready for kids?

Yeah, ok ... sure ... maybe... Let's do a little experiment;

1. Starting tonight... begin wiping your spouses bum after a poop... and force him/her do the same for you. No options by the way... if he/she is not around... hold it till they're available.

2. After preparing a wonderful meal... let it sit on the table for 20 minutes before you even taste it.

3. Regardless of when you have to get up ... get no more than 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night... nono... not tonight... FOR THE NEXT THREE YEARS...

4. Go make a can of vegetable soup. When it's nice and warm... pour this in the middle of the rug in the family room and position a chair over it for 3 hours. Cleaning it up is optional. Repeat.

5. Put some large empty tupperware containers in the fridge to take up about 40% of the available space. Leave them there... learn to live without that space.

6. Trim a minimum of 30% of your monthly pay off and save it... in the future you will turning this money over to wallmart or target, whatever... just see if you can live that way for now.

7. Buy a vhs tape of something like Barney Sings The Classics and play this loud whenever you try to have sex with your partner at home. No... every time.

8. Stop watching television from 7:00pm to 10:00pm. If your fav show is on then, tape it and only watch it after 10:00.

9. Shave the cat now... might as well. Cat needs training too.

10. Begin eating off plastic plates regardless of the meal.

No... it's not that hard... it's immensely harder...
It's not that bad... no really it's actually wonderful.

You kinda forget everything that's hard about it when you feel someone latching onto your leg and when you look down he / she says "I'm so glad you're my daddy." or kiddie stall tactics include several hundred kisses and hugs and usually end with one last "I love you." whispered from somewhere under a bunch of covers.

See ya...
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