Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
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Survivor IV Update!!


Survivor IV : Update


Stupid Talks, Bullshit Walks.




Wherein we are treated to an hour of the most amazingly stupid people on earth and we get to watch an old guy die. . . over and over again. Oh, and there's a little "end game" plot action too.



Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less. . . or more. . . whatever!
Hi I'm Kathy. . . I'm a complete fuck-tard. Watch me talk turkey with Vecepia and Puff Daddy. Watch me torture Mr. Cleaver (Paschal) and the Beaver (Neleh) with indecision. I'll suck at a competition while Puff Daddy wins a new car (and then tells us the it was actually Christ doing the work). I am a God btw, 'cause I hold all the cards. . . especially after I win Immunity by fucking over the Beaver with a red-hot poker. I mean, I can give head to Sean and Vecepia for an entire episode of this show, the totally screw him by sending his whiny, skinny, black ass over the cliffs of doom into the ocean.

The Darwin Moment!
I'm thinking that there is nothing really quite as dumb as someone that refuses to play the game. . . I mean, how hard did you work to get on this thing in the first place. So I'm dying to call Paschal on being the king of all that is Darwinian about tonight's episode. . . but alas, hindsight is 20-20 so I'm going to say that Sean seemed to be sitting pretty with V and Kathy seeming to be on his team. He, however, runs off at his mouth enough tonight to turn everyone against him. . . when they get to the Out House, even Vecepia is sitting as far away from him as possible and facing the other way. His BS is catching up with him.

Best Quotes
"I am the white Mama" in a sweet moment of her outrageous bs wheeling and dealing with The Black Party.

"Everyone that can look at me and feel represented, this is for them." or so says Puff Daddy after winning the car. So what he's saying is he plans to share the car with all the other Lazy, Argumentative, HomeBoys that are feeding on the Teet of racial radicalism everywhere. . .

"The most important thing here is honesty and integrity." bwaahahahaha. . . oh for shits-sake Paschal. . . You sooooo do not get the idea here. And if you win this game I swear I will hurt people!!!

"I'm confused." er.. yeah. . . well Kathy says this tonight. . . but basically she should have this tattooed on her freak'en forehead!

Most Memorable Moment
The Immunity challenge included this deal with gathering these little icons to hang on a necklace. Neleh and Kathy lead the pack in this challenge but both drop an icon as they race for the finish line. We are given the video moment of Neleh dropping hers. . . and when they both bolt off to find the missing icon. . . after Neleh started internalizing the idea that she had won, we watch Kathy pick up Nelehs dropped icon. . . and win! hahahaha. . . .

Soliantu
Ok. . . look how freak'en pathetic can Paschal get? The guy is a slug. . . he's looking about 600 years old and explains to us that he feels about 650. The show starts with a little plot action about how Kathy is basically the "girl with killer skanky hair stuck between two teams of two." I mean, I'd rather lick Vacepia's pits than actually touch Kathys hair. . . the whole mop looks like a will-knot. Blech! Any hoooo. . . Sean and V start talking Race Card games to Kathy (this is where she outs with "I'm the white mama") and they are overheard when Neleh walks up behind them. Neleh is all ticked off and calls a tribal meeting that night. The scene closes with a close up of Mr. Cleaver's hands tipping down attached to his starving, pathetic body. . . it looks like he just died.

That night we get the evil night-vision cam shots of the kids arguing around the fire. Sean is his typical self with over talking everyone else and going off over the same point over and over and over. . . The Beaver (Neleh)* is such a twit. She up and reaffirms that she and the ailing grandpapa will never vote for one another. Er. . . there's only five of you left Beaver. . . So this whole meeting gets nowhere except to start everybody remembering what an aggressive dick Sean aka Puff Daddy is.

Speaking of his Puffy-ness. . . He has never really contributed to the food process. . . so Kathy takes him out hunting Troika (?? shells they smash and eat - the Harlem Sushi). Dick.. I mean, Sean, comments "I'm not really an Ocean guy" as some sort of an excuse for not being able to venture out into the three inches of water from whence they gather the shells. . . Um Ho, Brutha? have you never stepped in a puddle before? I mean, how hungry do you have to get before you can get yer feet wet?

Just as an aside, lemmi say how endearing it was to have Sean point out to us, the happy home viewer, that the gang of them have had 4 weeks of diarrhea. yummi. . . "when yer slidd'en into third. . . "

Reward Challenge
CBS has officially run out of ideas. So they combine a bunch of other challenges to make tonight's. . . Starts with building a tiki tower (stacking two inch thick rings and matching their pattern to make a design) then run away and open some coconuts to fill a little tube with the milk. Then off again to do a little stilt walking and then finally crack open coconuts to find a key that opens a box with a Sling shot in it. . . which you use to break a sand block thus releasing the sand. First person to make sand touch this little tiki statue wins. Vecepia took an early lead, but muffed it.

Puff Daddy won by a country mile. Mr. Cleaver was far to concerned with looking at the bones poking out all over Neleh to pay any attention to his tower. . . while Sean is busy grabbing his fortune, we see Paschal tipping over his tower. . . he (Paschal) was totally not there. . . he could not have cared less about his challenge. No really. He's checked out. He's just so emaciated and disheveled. . . he could be an x-files extra in a zombie episode.

Oh, and the reward? A Saturn "View" SUV. . . So what does grimy, smelly, "four weeks in the hole" dirty Sean do? He sits in it and honks the horn. Tool.

Immunity Challenge
So with the knowledge that Sean and V are a team, Ol'Man Cleaver (DOA) and the Beaver are a team and Kathy is ram-rod-straight-up-the-middle. . . lil'miss'confused. . . they head off to the Night Time Immunity challenge. Fortunately for the dead guy they get to sit down for a minute while Jeff explains the deal. . .

He tells them this story about "k-cock-in-new-ee". . . an ancient tribal chief. He was a great warrior and won battles by infiltrating his opponents and exploiting their weaknesses. He drags the story on with loads of piddly details. Then the game. . . They are to run with a torch to this zone where there are little "stations". In each station they are to answer a skill testing question about the story Jeff just told'em. There are two proffered answers and they have to choose which is correct. It's all stuff written on boards that each person reads out loud. . . all very video friendly. There is a bag below each answer from which they draw a item. If the item is a bone. . . they picked the wrong answer. If it's an icon, they were correct. The icon attaches to a necklace where as they bones have to be deposited in this cheesy "shine to being a dumb ass". Bring 5 icons to Jeff and you win.

When Jeff does his signature Arm up "Survivors Ready?" Arm switch "Go!" They take off running towards the zone with their torches.

Things that didn't happened but really should have;
a) As soon as they start running Paschal falls over dead of a heart attack and Neleh, the human twig, catches fire.
b) when they reach in the sack to get their Icon or Bone. . . they are bitten by a venomous snake some disgruntled crew member slipped in there for fun and excitement.
But that's just me wishing. . .

What does happen is Paschal trips and falls in a cloud of sparks from his messed up torch. . . and slowly claws his way back to vertical. He does not recover and appears to drop out of this one as well.

Puff Daddy and Vecepia keep messing up and getting bones. . . Neleh and Kathy keep getting Icons. . . in fact, they are neck and neck but Neleh gets to Jeff with her necklace first. However, the camera lingers on Neleh during her run towards Jeff long enough to show us that she drops an icon. Now Kathy dropped one too but we didn't see that. What we do see is Kathy picking up Nelehs dropped one when Jeff sends 'em both back to get the missing Icon. Nelehs big excitement at thinking she had won is short lived as Kathy. . . the one person that did not actually need to win. . . wins.

Evil Do'er
Essentially, there is no more room for "evil" per sea. There is far too much stupidity at play for anyone to embrace the mantle of raw evil. Unless you want to count Jeff as a player. . . then you have all the evil you could want.

Eye Candy
Holy crap. . . Neleh looks honestly like she's about to vanish. She's about an inch thick at the deepest part. . . so eye candy? not a chance.

Now the jury shows up all dressed in black and John (Male Nurse John) looks totally GQ, Tammy looks like a stone-fox and Zoe? Holy shit, she looks so hard-core butch I can't believe she's not wearing a necklace of male genitalia around her neck.

Alliance
I was so sure of myself thinking that Sean and Vecepia would cradle Kathy and they would either put Paschal out of his misery or get Neleh into an eating-12-step-program. . . but I, once again, fell victim to the now very standard show protocol. Lead you to believe one thing and deliver the opposite. . . and I know it's all thanks to the editing. . . and I guess I'll never learn. Kathy kept having something of substance to say when she talked to S or V but was all "I'm so confused" when she talked to Paschal. I was wrong . . . big time.

The Out House
Jeff kicks off the council with a request to Kathy about giving away immunity. . . and we end up watching Sean dig a pit, dive in, and start pulling dirt over himself. The votes are cast. . . although they are all irrelevant. . . it's really up to Kathy. She votes for Sean and his ass is finally grass. Now if Vecepia ends up in the finally two. . .

Two things. . .
~ the big End Game will be played out this Sunday night.
~ I really dug the Spiderman movie. :D

* Leave It To Beaver: are you getting these references? This was a 1960s tv show about an idyllic family (the Cleavers) and the son who's name was Beaver.

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