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Tuesday, February 9 [09 Feb 2010|05:57pm] [ mood | JOB ] [ music | Stereo MCs - Connected ] ~ bang!! I am being tested. wearing ~ yeah... jeans, black tee, brown turtleneck planning ~ work... workworkwork... ~ today was "good karma" day, with taking eight co-workers out to really excellent Pho lunch and paying for it with the Hyundai finder'fee money. ~ and...there was enough left to pay the tiny bill for an IRDA/BlueTooth adapter (9$) and a set of Wii Component cables (4$) and my share of shipping (group purchase with co-workers). ~ go to do mid afternoon. sigh ~ home now... getting ready to make dinner... ~ play with cool little IRDA / Bluetooth adapter thingy for the home theater pc... so fun. Going to program the harmony to control the computer too. :D :D wishing ~ yeah... a bit introspective right now... // So last night... I was kinda "going over" the issues. I kept coming back to the pain in my side... the doc thought maybe an errant elbow in the night? Feel the ribs... pushing hard... no pain. Pinch the skin, dig for muscle bits... no pain. Now... put left hand on right outter rib cage, Bend over... way over... bend knees, extend right arm up. This is pretty much what I look like, except on my side, when I sleep. Remember the left hand? It was on pain free ribs a minute ago... Now? Now it's over this patch of flesh that has been connected to an open circuit powered by the blasting center of a white hot star. This made no sense to me... Except ... this was very repeatable and definately not ribs or muscle. Anyone? Anybody got this yet? So I go to the doc today. I watch an entire episode of Burn Notice on my iphone waiting in the walk-in clinic where my regular doc works. When I see the doc... I explain. She takes a good look... and we ... test out the open circuit thing. We review my recent history... operation, hernia, panick stress about hernia, shoulder, work, ... Then she comments... "so... you had chicken pox when you were little...." "Zoster" she announces. With a great deal of confidence. aka: Shingles. That open circuit is the nerves in that specific spot. ... breath. No rash yet... so, she could be wrong. But she doesn't think so. She expects the rash any day now and when it hits... I have 72 hours to get to the doc, get a 'script and take this particular anti-viral. And I should be... hopefully... sorta... ok by mid-march. And... I am not all enjoying the reading about this rash. Open circuit baby... Open circuit. / So yeah... I am being tested. ~ there is a silver lining to be found inside every challenge. The trick, of course, is to find it. My eyes are open. :) ~ love. 17 shots|give

Monday, February 8 [08 Feb 2010|08:34pm] So... cold, but it's February. None of the evil snow-badness that is sweep other parts... sooooo... I guess it's all good. Weather wise. Today was ... something else entirely. And by "something else", I am not necessarily drawing sympathetically on the "all good" recently attributed to weather. No no no. This "something else"... stands alone. Today was singular in it's "something else'ness" More on that in a moment... wearing ~ made good with the nice clothes on a monday. :) ~ beige and purple ... ~ oh and I totally detailed my unpenny'ed loafers last night. planning ~ was thinking I was going to be making slide decks and briefing notes all day. ~ this totally never happened... only because I was ridiculously busy all day ~ trip to the doc for 1:45 and back to the office by 3... ~ chicken and garlic&thai shrimp... sooo good... cooked till the wee edges of the shell'ed shrimp get crispy ~ now it's now and I'm looking at tax stuff... well, after this stuff... :) wishing ~ that balljar gets over the advil-moments... ~ for chiropteraclan's lil Fiona to hurry up and get better... :) ~ to smile about laperleprofonde's good fortune ~ and that zaxwrit would just cut her hair already... chop chop... it'll come back if you miss it. :) // Ok... total health update. Upon review, you may be moved to use the word pathetic. This is your choice. ;) The fun, as they say, never stops. I saw the doc today and bowled her over with questions and problems. ~ shoulder... tendinitis was her word, but I'm booked in for a whack of new images and seeing a doc at this sports-med clinic. Expecting cortisone to play a role in all this... I need relief. Lie on sore arm... it frigg'en hurts. Lie on other side... sore arm hurts for "dangling". Lie on gut? no no hernia op... Lie on back? Practically die from sleep apnea issues. (Or, so says the rest of the family.) ~ doc books me in to the sleep clinic for an apnea test. ~ doc gives me a shit load of samples of Axert and Maxalt (new migraine meds) ~ I explain about how I literally was jolted awake at 4 this morning when I moved onto my side and a rib felt stabbing bad. It's totally "right there..." point-to-able. She figures... hard-core-elbow-jab-in-sleep. lol... but frig. ~ and then the kicker... "So Doc..." I say, "I see Hernia Doc on Thursday. I'm pretty sure somethings' wrong." I start to 'splain and while we lift shirt and lower pants she begins saying stuff about how "well the mesh is bound to feel..." And she feels along the new scar tissue line... no pain, no problem. "So..." says I, "what's that... below the scar?" and she feels it... AND TOTALLY MAKES a surprised O face. "Incomplete repair" was her phrase. Bottom Line: There's a new hernia right fucking below the one that was just repaired. seriously... wtf? Our cruise is in a month. Oasis of the Seas... !! / I am officially heading over to "Smile and make the best of it" land. Expect slightly manic levels of positive energy. I will find things that make me happy and fucking eat them. lol... :) 16 shots|give

[07 Feb 2010|10:35pm] How you treat each other has a greater, cumulative impact on your children than how you treat them. When you go off on them... They are in "reaction mode"... possibly defensive, sometimes offensive. But when it's you and your partner... well, they're just open to a blank page Taking it all in. And because we were all young once... You all... know exactly... what I mean. 2 shots|give

Sunday, February 7 [07 Feb 2010|10:16am] ~ ack. Just figured "ack" worked with that pic. :) Yesterday... could have been better but only if I'd done less. Got up with a plan for groceries and it turned into the road trip of mass consumerism... Starbucks... (!!) cost-co, home outfitters, wallmart and back to outfitters AND into futureshop... the Wii was finally ready. Like I had to call? lol... it had literally just arrived and there I was... on the phone. (my spidey senses were tingling). Then loblaws... and by this time I was all walk'en slow and favouring my ab. :( Fortunately I have kids at home to empty the car... I carried the Wii in. :) wearing ~ oh... pj pants, sleepy tee and giant hoodie (my "too big" hoodie is comfort food my outsides... planning ~ yeah, so I'm planning on feeling guilty about not motivating the family down to Winterlude... for the millionth time... to find a parking spot... change into skates in a frozen crowded hut... drag kids along the skateway... buy overpriced coco, etc. ~ oh wait... I just decided to not feel guilty. So... never mind. :) ~ going to my folks house for dinner. wishing ~ to, once again, thank balljar for sharing... ~ for jjnslat to keep the chicken porn to a minimum... ~ to point out that I'm a bit jealous of pasticcio and her wee trip to the Park-of-O. ~ AND that all my snowed'in buddies... dig themselves out with a minimum of back injuries. Birthday moments... From yesterday... happy birthday mr frosty (frostbyte). I hope all is well and that things spin right for you over the next year. Oh... and dry... stay dry. :) And for today... A very happy birthday to my little alice, (no... who's not so little any more). Truly, I hope you have a wonderful day and a stellar year. You're the book... I've been reading for so long. Please don't get lost. :) /// So I'm sick of my shoulder. I'm going back to the doc and ask to see a specialist. Physio has not brought me any sustained relief, and I cannot sleep a full night ... so screw it. Between that and the ab I am a tad bit On the frustrated side of things. Physically. sigh. ! I'm making an appointment with Zee's trainer too. I need to sort out what I can do while life keeps shooting with things I can't. // Contemplated a "burr" grinder for coffee. Our twenty year old braun kinda gave up the ghost. I ended up with another blade, this time from krupps. Cool "burr" ish'ness with coffee grinding will have to wait for christmas. :D / Watched Caprica (epi 3, counting the pilot 2 hour movie as epi 1) Personally I hope he kills her... she's a pain and I don't like her. and I'm looking forward to Lacy manning-up ... aka the serialized dramatic tv show plot feature where the downtrodden come of age and assert themselves... er... yeah, lol... just TOTALLY DIGGING this tv show. :) ~ alrighty... Time to make tea biscuits ... choco-chips, blueberries... seperately, of course. CC's for the boys... bb's for me! :D 9 shots|give

three of my favs from a while ago... :) [06 Feb 2010|09:24pm] motherhood tummy bathed in morning's light warm fingers clutching covers tight your gaze is a symphony of silent thought. reclining in the shadowless day busy hair absently brushed away your lap, a loving playpen for tiny fingers. the many colours of sunset lonely eyes, reflecting and wet your grateful hands clutch letters like covers... tight. walking in the night's tapestries bare feet step between memories your dream is a mosaic of drifting moonlight. [ :: Original post 2004 :: ] :::::::::::::::::::: advantage When your view extends behind, I think it is better, that you should find you have been taken advantage of and have not been taking. Surely to feel the fool is less of a burden... than forever cruel. [ :: Original post 2004 :: ] ::::::::::::::::::::: dream The world of her love hides behind the curtain of my eyelids Her sweet voice replaced by the intrusion of beeps That draw me up from the pool of her embrace Only to leave me gasping for breath Struggling to find the real world And trying to find focus on the red digits That flash noisily before my still sleeping eyes Gone, again, until a passing day lets my heart look Once more for the mental caress of hands that pull me A mouth that opens and breaths pure love across my heart. [ :: Original post 2002 :: ] ::::::::::::::::::: yes, they're retred posts but I miss them and wanted them to see some light again. :) I especially like the motherhood one. 1 shot|give

Friday, February 5 [05 Feb 2010|04:38pm] ~ so how come this looks like I have a tiny little head, stuck to a great big fat torso? Possibly... "sideways argyle" is less than flattering. :D ar ar ar... Up and at 'em. Very typical morning. and I mention it... so you can understand why I am soooooooooooooo fricking jazzed about tomorrow morning being SATURDAY. ~ up at 6. In the shower. ~ out of shower, dress, and wake Geo at 6:17 to have his shower. ~ wake and dress Ed... or "help him dress" by WAKING HIM UP and handing him clothes. :D ~ Geo out of shower, get a cup of coffee, hand it to Suzanne as I wake her up to have her shower. ~ Ed and Geo downstairs... ~ Feed the boys... make their lunches... ~ suz comes down to pack their school bags (or at least, make sure they both have their homework)... ~ wave to boys as they vanish in the morning sun. ~ make my breakfast... make my lunch... pour car-cup of coffee ~ pack up my stuff... and go. I'm practically worn out by the time I leave the house! :D wearing ~ jeans and argyle... :) planning ~ well... no gym. ~ did the suck-up-to-the-boss thing with a starbucks run at lunch... :D ~ had a pretty important presentation with my boss's boss's boss this morning. I got her all expressive and stuff... I tend to interupt a lot. :D And? AND it got to a point where she totally looked at me and said... "Well then... you can spend the next year building that!". Now... see... I've been trying to figure out how I was going to convince my clients to LET ME build this new process... lol. (this is a bit of woooohooo moment). :D ~ see a man about a horse. wishing ~ for sodiumbisulfite ... to have trouble walking ... one morning soon. ~ that canuckgirl wins powerball... and buys me toys. :D ~ to tell evangelinaarion... that you are really quite beautiful. :) It's nice to see you from time to time. ~ and that darkbay enjoys her Friday. :D Birthday moments... A very happy birthday to the always lovely shoo. I hope you are finding joy ... and wish I could take you to lunch and make you laugh till your sides hurt. :D /// Yeah... the radio was talking about the 'first round draft picks" for the majors. and there was that punk Patrice. The guy who delivered that brain damage inducing jab to the face a few short weeks ago. His punishment for dragging the game down to the level of pathetic? A few million dollars and a bright future. Nice. ~ Personally, I hope he gets what's coming to him. // It's way harder to find FAIR Than it is to give it away. / I write "The Old Rules Do Not Work, Stop Using Them As Excuses" on the white boards of every board room I go into at my client site. (They have a lot of board rooms). In a few weeks... the message will have penetrated every level of my client group. :D Now... I ask you... can u see how this phrase matters in your life? ~ k... time to go. :D Later skaters... ps. Smile... somebody loves you. :D 3 shots|give

Thursday, February 4 [04 Feb 2010|09:11pm] ~ I kept this one ... 'cuz of that totally trippy light effect in the apparent forground. :) The morning sun - for about 15 minutes -, that window and the position of the camera... absolute line up. I was just grabbing my phone to bolt for work. :) Again... I actually forget what "outside" was like... although it wasn't snowing or anything nasty at lunch... So I guess it was a nice day. :) wearing ~ jeans, blue shirt and nice sweater. planning ~ finish best practice #2... so good. ;) ~ go to gym at lunch. 14 min cardio... no issues. calf lifts and shoulder work (all low weight...lots of reps) ~ home to make a "little bit of everything" dinner... Geo was babysitting nxt-dr from 6 - 7 so we ate after that. :) ~ the evening vanishes when we eat so late. :( wishing ~ kitiara enjoys her jet pack... ~ wishing for nextproblem to catch some good breaths... ~ and that my... little... nut... meg... (nutmeg) to keep that amazing and awe inspiring stregth up. /// It's funny how quickly work life can swirl into a wild vortex of multitasking. Not an unruley, messy vortex. Not off the rails... It's just that... one minute you're, you know, doing some single specific thing... Thinking you're going to stay focused and power through... la la la la... Phone rings, email arrives, bosses show up, cell phone rings, calendar pings, coworker shows up... and, of course, you also stupidly choose that exact moment to think of some really great thing you are either going to write down... or forget forever. Vortex. Juggling is fine, but if you're a consultant, It's juggling knives. Now dropping anything has consequences. ~ ah well... (this is me... sitting here, realizing I forgot to do something at work today... sigh) crap. // Of all the things your body can produce that... smell bad, and I mean... every possible rotten stinky thing, I think the most instantly distasteful possibilities come from in and around ears. / So I'm going to go put an ice pack on my hernia thing. I'm not in a panic or anything, but since I can ... like "touch" the wound area, I'm totally noticing a "thing" (no frick'en way to describe this) below the incision tissue zone, It just feels like what the original heria thing felt like, except not all soft and squishy. Grossing you out yet? Doesn't hurt... Anyways, I don't see doc chop till the 11th. So I cool my jets till then. Freaks me out a bit though. The goal here is to heal up 'nuf to be able to rock the cruise in March. That does not include going back in for more between now and then!! ~ this could be totally nothing... so I'm going to not think about it... purge purge purge) ~ :) See ya soon. 3 shots|give

Wednesday, February 3 [03 Feb 2010|09:13pm] [ music | T&S Nineteen... (song totally gets under my skin and makes me listen. :) ] I've no clue what it was like out today... Drove to work in a mental fog, worrying about a document thing for work... Made my nose happy at work. I am constantly made sad by the lack of women wearing lovely scents ... but maybe that's why I dig it so much when I get ... whiff. :) (sorry... there's no really way to talk about smells that doesn't seem like it's inches from being kinda icky. ) ar ar ar... :) I was all about my desk today. So busy. :( HOWEVER... absolutely no pain that I had to blame on going to they gym yesterday. That makes me very happy. So back to gym tomorrow. :) (and yes, my little-c... I'll be careful. Promise!!) wearing ~ beige trousers... I've lost like six pounds since the operation. Pants need the belt. :( ~ and yeah, I'm all about pj pants for the evening. ~ oh, and I wore my brown argyle sweater for argyle wednesday planning ~ wednesday madness... ~ in pretty early... get a best-practice doc submitted... ~ print up a file full of reports... and do the "wednesday meeting" (another awesome turn out and ... well, I'm just kinda jazzed that this group is working out so well.) :D :D ~ actually FINISHED a second BP doc, minutes, several quick meetings and ... just kinda rocked my wednesday. ~ made vast dinner... salmon for bfl girl... mixed veggies and made chinese fried rice (I make really really good fried rice!!) ~ thai chicken and bean sprouts for Ed, Geo and I... :) wishing ~ to send some warm vibes to innerly for her to share with her family... ~ that canuckgirl finds that good deads are rewarded in kind. :) ~ and to send some smiles to little miss knocked-up (aka nerdular). Birthday moments... A very happy birthday to my favorite "william" (aristophren). May there be answers and solutions in the year ahead. O My aunt Anne passed away today. She lived a long and not too easy life. Rest in peace. I hope you're with your Anya now and maybe even smiling. :) O /// K... so just so we're clear... People who watch the news and decide the Canadian Seal Hunt is horrible, Are people who are being manipulated. It's not a good thing to be manipulated like that. Look at the leather straps on your totally bitch'en shoes. the cow that died for that strap... was hit in the forehead with a massive hammer and if it didn't die right away... no matter. It was piled up with the other mostly-dead cows And skinned, boned and turned into burgers, etc. Your chicken dinner... dude... the way they raise and kill chickens would make your skin crawl. The fact is that killing animals is a grizzly process. We humans have been doing it for ... well, for ever. And if you take a good look at the Canadian Eastern Seaboard you will see devistated economies, broken lives and desperate poverty. Why? Because the overpopulation of seals in the Canadian north have devistated the cod stocks (let alone other fish stocks). Kiling seals is not only about making lovely fur coats. Even thinking that this is maybe possibly sorta the reason for the seal hunt... is exactly what the manipulators want you to think. There are a lot of things to be upset about in the big world... and people are generally oblivious to them. But they have time to be manipulated. // I kinda want to go to quebec city... just so I can hug a little bowl of sugar that lives there. I'm even pretty sure her girl-friend wouldn't mind. :D / hey, so my hernia op thing... is doing really good. I can "feel" deeply into the spot and literally push-down to feel the area that was operated on... feel the scar tissue inside and doing that doesn't hurt. If I had ... you know, over-done it, or lifted something too heavy during early recovery, etc... it would hurt to do that "push" thing. [:: Here's a picture of it...right now :: ] ~ note the pj pants. :) So, yeah... I'm jazzed that things are going well. :) ~ see ya soon. 11 shots|give

Tuesday, February 2 [02 Feb 2010|09:01pm] It was a lovely day. :) It just was. I'm not sure if it was 'cuz I'm feeling somewhat better... because I got to they gym again... or because I delivered a fairly random compliment to a woman at work. All I know... is that you could touch me, and you'd feel the heat of a good day. :D wearing ~ blue jeans ~ white tee... brown turtleneck. :) planning ~ crazy day... ~ BUT BUT... I got to the gym at lunch. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D ~ 10 minutes (sigh) on the elipitical with a cool down... ~ shoulder work (low weight... many reps) ~ calf work (good weight... many reps) ~ stopped... despite wanting desperately to continue. ~ talked to a trainer for a while about how to go about re-igniting my abs and how to ease back. ~ solid work on my "best practice" submission. Draft due tomorrow morning. (I ended up working a few hours tonight on it... ~ denitist at 3:00... ~ made porkchops, rice and red-sauce for dinner (broccoli too) wishing ~ that I could dive into work-outs... but ... I understand the need to go slow... BELIEVE ME... I totally understand. ~ to smile at baybabayba and hope she has many days like that... ~ that it was in my power to actually do something grand and helpful for pixiecup... because ... she just makes me feel like that would be a good idea. :) ~ and that militantmomma's plans... go perfectly. // borrowing from the single most important moment in The Breakfast Club... .. If you ask me... why do I care about you so much? All I can say... without waxing poetic about you in detail... is "because you let me". And this fills my spirit, blankets my heart in happiness, and leaves me in a remarkably peaceful place. Thank you. :) / I got a check for 100$ from Hyundi. I referred a co-worker to a guy I know that works there. Co-worker bought a car. I get a 100$ So I'm taking co-worker and a gang out to Pho (lunch) ... ASAP. I feel funny about getting the money. The money was not part of the objective. So this... is just a good opportunity to feel good, and at an auto-makers expense, no less. :) :) ~ may you be so fortunate... that life spins for you... as it does for me. 3 shots|give

[02 Feb 2010|09:14am] From time to time... it is really good for you to do the Linus "sideways head bob" to a song you like. Posted via LiveJournal.app. 2 shots|give

[01 Feb 2010|10:08pm] wisdom... is the acquired power that makes it possible for a person to not only understand that pain will end but to truly believe it. 2 shots|give

Monday, February 1 [01 Feb 2010|08:27pm] ~ pretty hard core "dork" moment... (despite any textbook definition for the word "dork"). But I am loving this shirt and tie combo. :) I brought my a-game to work today ... and took a few names... I managed to feel good (post op wise) all through the work day... and I was wearing actual clothes ~ as opposed to wearing nice tops and track pants (a'la all the news anchors you've ever seen on TV... 'cuz you know they're either naked or in a g'string under the desk... and that's just the guys.) Tomorrow is "two weeks post op"... so I am allowed to go back to the gym and start slow into the cardio and work on my shoulder a bit. If I can break a sweat without going into incision-shock-pain... I will smile from that point forward, until sleep takes me like the little girl I am like the prone to exhaustion boy I am these days... wearing ~ so yeah... light purple shirt, dark purple tie, dark trousers ~ even wore ftls... and had no issues all day. (so happy) planning ~ a few good meetings with different teams... bringing my new shadow to all of them. Guy seems like he's going to be fine with this...* (fingers crossed) wishing ~ for life's less subtle lessons to forever envigorate macdatty... it's just too short to waste. ~ for odyssey_road ... to get some rest... ~ that spankynotes enjoys her dinner this saturday.... ~ to congratulate cynica on bringing the awesome... ~ and for tough_doll to find that wagon when she's ready. :) * am training my replacement for the project I've been on all year. :) (I'll be moving to a new project in April) /// Geo update: Six weeks down the road from the December 16 accident, He is doing wonderfully. No pain... just working on getting his range of motion and strength up again. Awesome healing powers. :) // I love how every four years... the TV fills up with moments dedicated to convincing us that Bob Sledding is a sport. LOL. Don't get me wrong, I love watching the Olympics. But it has almost nothing to do with amature sport. It's either a pass-time, masqueraiding as a sport (oh look, curling... hurry hard... hurry hard...) An X-game game... Or it's being played by a millionaire professional athelete ... and look, if you can smoke a cigarette and drink a beer while playing...and be awesome... it's a pass-time. next thing you know they'll be saying golf is a sport... Bwaahahahahahahaha.... ~ note: I think there is more "athleticism" rolled up into a pro at an x-game activity (yes, like skateboarding) than there is in most of the so-called-classic-sports / Saturday night... after the guests were all gone... And after Ed had put together his newest lego set... I sat down in the tv room to watch something... I started Lords of Dogtown again... (I'd just watched Z-boys again, the other night) And Ed came in... sat down beside me and watched the whole thing... asking lots of questions. We popped into the z-boys documentaries to get a look at the real people. it was "a moment" for me with Ed. Like... I will never forget the details ... the event of him with me there. :) The movie is about events in 1974 and 75. (and as I've blabbed about endlessly before...) We still skate on my original G&S Fiberflex among our other decks. I bought it in Texas in 1975. (still using original bearings in the original powerflex wheels and tracker trucks... only replaced the bushings and the grip-tape) :) k... see ya soon. 9 shots|give

Sunday, January 31 [31 Jan 2010|05:25pm] So friday... I went to lunch with co-works... at pho... and I stupidly didn't order the pho... but had cashew chicken (Hold the cashews). This is a fine example of how my brain sometimes just slips into stupid... and nesstles in for a while... regardless of the screaming from the sidelines. The cashew sauce... was clearly enough. 9:30 friday night I feel a tingle... 9:45 it hits... full on. 9:46 I take my ONLY imatrix. (cursing myself for not reordering more) 10:00 in bed, after hot shower, moaning away with a vicious vicious migraine. Meds didn't take over till close to 11. Woke up yesterday with the remnants and set about chores to take my mind off the recovery. By noon I had baked and iced two dozen white-on-white cupcakes and a giant chocolate cake (caramel icing... sigh... so flipp'en good) Fifteen people for dinner... to have the family celebration for Ed's (and one of his aunts) birthday(s). Was so good. :) Lots (too much) food and not much mess... weeee (love pot luck... Take your dirty dishes... and go!. :D) wearing ~ swish-swish... ~ long sleeves... ~ short sleeves... :) planning ~ some cleanup... ~ groceries... with Ed. Hit wally-land too, to do some return'en of birthday prezzies... and buy'en more starwars lego. The boy is on a mission. :) ~ making dinner... thai drum sticks, rice, vast veggie stir "steem'n'fry" (minimize the "frying" part... maximize the "good for you" part...) ~ no clue what tonight holds, but ... I'm betting on an early bed time... my exhaustion continues. wishing ~ I can manage to navigate the road between pushing-myself-back-to-fitness and taking-care-not-to-hurt my gut. ~ that we do, indeed, get to see more pictures of spankynotes in her wedding dress... but I 'spoze we can wait till the big day.... :D ~ for sassy_red_head to reach those goals... ~ and for a tulip plant to surprise kitiara. Birthday moments... from yesterday... Happy birthday mz-kat (angryvixen)... oh maker of adorable children... May the year keep you and your family safe, happy and healthy. and happy birthday doodle... I hope this next year brings you little things to smile about... maybe even furry things... And for today, Happy birthday sexsatan04... may your dreams ... come true. // Light 'em... Burn 'em... And blow 'em out!!! psss... my mom. :) / Edward has been "all about the lego" for the last few years... He gets christmas prezzies and ... seperates them into piles. One pile goes back so he can use the money to buy more lego... He gets cash for birthdays... or gift cards... LEGO. Starwars lego to be pricise... ~ we're working on building a "base station" out of random lego... :) K... time to get cooking again. :) 16 shots|give

Friday, January 29 [29 Jan 2010|07:29pm] MINUS 33 today... all day. Serious mutha-cold out today. Like... five minutes to get frostbite on exposed skin. gah!!! wearing ~ swish-swish pants today ~ and (tmi, I know) commando... ~ and this (commando) is the fricking answer to the daytime pain. Seriously. Feels way better. Still gets harder as the day goes on... but yeah... eat me, elastic waste band. :D planning ~ work was exactly what I expected today... long and focused on clearing out the inbasket and cleaning up a "standards" document. My client has a construct called "Best Practices" that officially approves a guideline, policy or standard and once it's approved... baby it's the frigg'en law of the land. I have three BPs to present. First one goes on Feb 17 (the day before my birthday). ~ went to Pho for lunch with some coworkers... was nice. :) The connections continue to run a little deeper... and it is good. ~ home, ex-haust-ed... so seriously bagged. :( Pass out on sofa beside a resting zee... wake up as she leaves for the gym (she has to get a cardio work out in today - BFL stuff). ~ made left-overs and garlic-mashed potatoes for dinner with the boys... and zee should be having a big ol'greek salad for her dinn. ~ tonight? eh... no plans. ~ last minute planning for giant family get together tomorrow... celebrating Ed's birthday. Pot luck... (best kind) wishing ~ for fondu... ~ for a very dear friend... a sweet young woman... who's all knocked up... to find some better vibes. (sending virtual hugs!) ~ that bramey's world would start to spin right ... ~ to send giant wishes and hopes out to cerulean_me... just 'cuz... ~ and to congratulate tassy on her wedding and ... on the 42!! :D /// I was sitting in a college statistics course. I remember this guy (no idea who he was) mouthing the words "The Shuttle BLEW UP" across the room to me... Wicked. // I'm getting a little concerned about why I hurt about 3 inches above where the hernia operation was... like... sore a bunch. Hard to say if it's enough to go to the hospital. Don't panic... I'm not. It's just getting to bug me. We'll see what the weekend brings. / If I pulled back the curtain Slipped off the mask Let down my guard And laid bare my soul. You'd recognize me ... completely. :) ~ later sk8rs. :) 5 shots|give

Thursday, January 28 [28 Jan 2010|10:00pm] So can I just say... the weather is abso-fucking-lootly awesome bad. Deep cold... freeze spit before it hits the ground. Major wind causing total white-outs while driving. and the temps are diving down down down... tomorrow is going to suck super bad. I'm a lot less "dark" today... and I'm back on top of things with my clients (a lot of catching up after the operation) ~ but I am still behind the eight ball on a project that needs my total attention tomorrow. Meanwhile... I'm preparing to tell my employers to suck-it over some "extra work" they want me to do this monday. A lot will happen on that front tomorrow... so... big ass drama is in store for tomorrow. And I'm feeling some really good vibes with friends at work. This does so much for my spirits... you can't believe. I'm such a light weight with the "enjoying friendships". Look... when life consipires to shink the "circle of friends" down to almost nill... It's wicked easy to feel over the moon when you start finding ways to ... start redrawing the circle. :) I wager that most people go through the shrinking circle thing... it's part of the journey From childhood, to school age, to post-secondary... to love, marriage, family and career... Every step brings the circle in closer... because that's just the way of things. Sure, for some folks this just doesn't happen... and they maybe don't even know how lucky they are. But for many... the needs of career and family, necessarily replace a large part of the social scene. So finding your way back... even a little... can be very uplifting. wearing ~ so today I had a show to do... so I didn't wear the swish-swish pants. ~ I wore nice jeans and the brown turtleneck. ~ this was fine... till about 3:00... then it started to hurt. eh... ~ home... commando, in pj pants and a little lie down ... did the trick. planning ~ long day at work... much drama (funny how everything is so frick'en dramatic when I can bearly go fifteen seconds without getting frustrated. This makes for some very ... "snap" decisions... as in... making a decision, and needing to say "oh snap" right afterwards. :) ~ gave a show at 1:00 ... to my client director and her management team. 20 minutes in... major side track as I get bold and point out a complete error in their understanding of how things are going in their org. It wasn't a guess... it was a clear fact. They got that... and it all went kinda dramatic after that. Not "against me" or anything... just a big "gosh moment" for the bosses and now some poo will smack against the blades and maybe... just maybe... something will change. :) ~ took Ed to karate... brought Geo so he could help me get some groceries and then I took both boys to McDeath for dinner. I do not like the angus burgers. Honestly... there is no substitute for a big-mac. :) ~ home to turn around a brave the evil weather to finish off my March Of Dimes canvassing in the hood. Rasied 200$ from my section of the hood ... nice. :) ~ now I'm waiting for Ed's bed time... maybe watch a show with Geo and Suz... and then BED. Sweet mercy I am constantly exhausted!!! wishing ~ that chiropteraclan keeps her lunches safe... ~ to send a smile to lisabella for no reason other than that I've been enjoying her journal. :) ~ for sodiumbisulfite ... to stay the course and find some wonderful lights in the darker parts of her deal... ~ and to congratulate fit_girl_jessy on sticking with it... owning your fitness effort takes courage. Birthday moments... Happy birthday to the long lost teaser... and yeah, I know you're over in fb... remarried and rebuilding life in sunny south africa... :) May there be new joys to fill the year ahead. :) // You are the two and the five In my world of love. Always the easiest to add up. No matter how blue things get, When everything looks like a seven There you are... Making it easy on my heart all over again. / It appears that pain medication, combined with a metabolism dedicated to hard core healing, is one awesome recipe for seriously stinky movements. la la la... Ok... time to get Ed in his bed. See ya soon. 4 shots|give

Wednesday, January 27 [28 Jan 2010|12:01am] Ok... so the darkness has not yet departed. I'm still hiding the ouch... Truth be told... I'm pretty good for the first part of the day. but then some dumb ass thing comes along... today it was a fucking sneeze. I yelled at my desk... loud enough to get coworkes on their chairs, looking over the ugly cubical walls to see if I was still alive. Fuck'edyfuckfuckfuckfuck. Everything just goes down hill from there. Honestly... after talking with suz for a while tonight, I'm thinking a pretty big part of the darkness has to do with not being able to get the endorphins (or whatever it's called) that I was getting pretty much every day from the gym work-outs. I feel feeble and I hate that more than I can begin to explain. I am so frustrated at being incapacitated. It is so frigg'en agrivating to have brought myself so far... and have to just sit here... feeling myself slip backwards. The "wound" area... has no feeling. I can touch it and it's like touching someone else... no nerves yet. But the area around it... literally into my back and hip bone and all across my gut... gets to ache'en* after a while. Imagine sitting on the front edge of a chair and leaning back into the back-rest. So far so good. Now get up. No matter how you do it... pulling with handles, or whatever, when you lift, you engage the exact area that is hurt. Engaging that muscle group... sends red hot bolts of fire across my body and ... it really totally suckscocksinhell. Only good thing... Coworkers... just freaking rock. The gym partners at work are being stellar .... bringing back coffee from 'bucks and just being super supportive. And i got a wicked good (and long) text message from Miss New to Text'ing (zebra) in the middle of the day that put out a lot of the negative homelife fires that I have been nurturing with my evil vibes. Translation: i love that girl. wearing ~ yeah, so I was in the swish-swish pants again today... (gym pants that don't hurt) ~ managed to do the white shirt w/ argyle sweater... so, when seated, I kinda looked normal. :) ~ and stop making jokes... I know "normal" has no place here... planning ~ wednesday... if you know me at all... you know that wednesdays are the most important days for me at work. ~ I'm training my "replacement" (I'll be moving to a new section in April, but same client...), so "Lee" (my replacement) shadowed me this morning. :D ~ the day starts (at the office) at 8 getting ready for the 9 - 10 meeting with EVERYBODY. It was - without a doubt - the most awesome "wednesday morning meeting" EVER. (I kinda rock with this stuff...) ~ the rest of the day was spent doing minutes, and making a slide deck for a show I have to give management tomorrow afternoon. ~ home to collect the family and go out for pizza - et. al. - for Ed's birthday - he turned TWELVE!!!!!! today. :D Edward was TWO when I started this journal. :) ~ went to my folks house after that to fix up some email problems they were having... ~ home to fix up some computer problems Suz was having with Sims3... ended up just ripping the ram out of my computer and swapping it with hers. (I had faster/more... now I have slower/less... la la la...) ~ and now? here I am... wishing ~ for the always and forever lovely sirenity to get some good news... or maybe just get to spend time where she wants... ~ that whatever patience militantmomma can muster... is enough. He'll be home ... eventually. :( ~ that kitiara kicks the head... cold... soon. :) ~ and for zaxwrit to hold onto that wonderful vibe... and congrats to her main squeeze. !!! :D Birthday moments... Twelve years ago tonight... after 36 hours of labour... the doctors decided that Suz was never going to be able to squeeze John Edward Andrew out ... so i got dressed in the scrubs that I still have packed away in my closet... and sat at her head and shoulders in an OR while Dr. Pop sliced her open and unwedged our little ...well, not so little, Edward from the birth canal. :) He was 10lbs4ozs... then he took this vast pee into a tray that the nurse was holding... and they pronounced him a 10lb baby boy. If I was to break it down to the simplest terms... George is in a hurry to grow up, and Edward wants to stay a little kid as long as he can. :) My heart knows no joy that can begin to compare to the way I feel about my boys... Edward, my most darling little monkey... thank you. And may the year ahead keep you safe, healthy and happy. For my part... I will let no danger come to you that has not had to fight its way past me first. I love always and forever. /// My rant to my employer about "Free Beer and Pizza Day" (see previous posts... it's too long to 'splain here) was sent up the chain and I was invited to call the VP today and talk to him about it. So i did. He pretty much said the following: We've been doing this for 10 years and have only had to send someone home in a taxi twice, we like it, and we're going to keep doing it. Translation: bite me. I told him straight up that I was disappointed in his attitude and that I felt the company's reputation is tarnished by this flagrant disrepect for decency. And it ended there. I work for a company that rolls the dice with drinking and driving and likes to pretend that plying a select few employees with free beer before they drive home in rush hour traffic makes them appear to be fun-bobbies. It sickens me. // Driving home from work... I take this beautifully paved road that runs through open country. The road I hit a pair of deers on a few years ago... It was about 5:30... darkness was winning the battle with dusk. I was totally driving slow... and I was pretty much alone on the road... there was no fear of hitting anything... I could see them in the woods beside the road... And I saw when the leader just up and decided it was time to cross... So I stopped... and watched... counting fifteen deer crossing the road, two feet in front of my bumper. Steam was comming off their sleek bodies... Every now and then one would look at the car, It felt like they were look at me. It was awesome. When they were done... I remember mumbling "thank you", as I accelerated away. / Just before I sat down to write this... I was swapping ram in our computers. Our dusky fucking computers. I was on my ass, on the floor... and sneezed. I wanted to cry... but Ed was standing in the doorway he wanted a hug before he fell asleep. he got a lot of new lego for his b-day... he was / is in a special kind of kid heaven. that was hard. ~ k... I gotta go. I'm exhausted. See you tomorrow. 14 shots|give

Tuesday, January 26 [26 Jan 2010|06:34pm] It's officially "one week later". Still getting better... :) Yeah... it wasn't cold today at all. No new rain... a few flurries and stuff... but whatever. I'm in a bitch. No, I'm not wedged into some pms'ing twat... I'm grappling with how it feels to fake being in a good mood all day. I spend the first three quarters of the day pretending to not be frustrated with it hurting to get up from my frigg'en chair, Or that the can is about sixteen million paces away from my desk. (and yes, after one week my body has decided it needs to blow massive gas every hour that seems to have been collecting in hidden parts of my anatomy all week) Oh, and by the third quarter of the work day... I'm about done faking it and I just decide to fume at my desk, and wish I was in bed, unconcious. wearing ~ yeah, sooooo... I wore track pants to work today. ~ no, not cotton addidas pants... gym pants but I've not way to 'splain 'em cept "shiny, blue, and NOT constricting on my incision!!!". :D ~ k, never done that before... :) Oh, a Tee and a nice sweater to go with... :) planning ~ full on day... 'cept'en it turned out to be "drama day". ... ~ so many dramatic office freaky moments today... I lost count. ~ started with a "I really think you need to re-think this process" meeting with some folks who think they have it sussed. ("it" just being some IT process stuff at the client zone). ~ moved on to carrying the torch for my "why does my employer promote drinking and driving" rant... (it was sent up the chain today... I'll either NEVER STOP HEARING ABOUT IT... or never hear another word...) ~ co-worker - who has earned a rediculous amount of respect from me for her drive towards her careers future - dealing with hard choices. Tried to be helpful... we'll see how that pans out. ~ and filled all interveening moments working on a "please use track changes so your document becomes practically unreadable" revision of this "official" document... ~ home now...making ham, smashed tatters, corn, peas, and salad for dinner... ~ somehow, I will finish Season One of californication tonight. :D wishing ~ for co-worker girl to bask in the glory of good choices all day tomorrow. ~ that shebear enjoys the new wheels... ~ for some good vibes to find voicesinherhead's Melody... ~ and to be all super excited for galebird pending awesome moments with her peanut. :) /// WTF is with the Dr. Ozz fat-people's show? Honestly... dude had promise, but he's blown it. He is officially moved from dangerous to ... just plain freaky. // you know... I can close my eyes at any moment in time and instantly pull the image of Mia, on top of Duchovny, punching him in the face. LOL!!! Oh, and the smoking hottest woman in the show? His agent's wife. (Pamela Adlon) / Ok... other than the Mia thing... this seems like a somewhat angsty, negative post. I'm not happy about this. :) I'll try harder tomorrow... to not suck at life. But seriously... I am officially hunting for a "break"... as in "you deserve a break". I'm prol'y being selfish... 'cuz I know I have a lot to be thankful for. Just ... today, things feel a bit "piled up". Truly... tomorrow will be better. ~ k, see ya. 5 shots|give

Monday, January 25 [25 Jan 2010|08:16pm] So day by day... a little better. Unfortunately, todays "a little better" had to come after a crap-tastic sleep. I sat up... groaning, trying to focus on the clock because I was sure it was about to ring the morning wake up bells. I was pulling off my soaking wet shirt when I noticed it was only 2:35. (serious night swet... gah!) This would normally be a good thing... as in "wohoo... four more hours!" Unfortunately... I really was not sleeping well last night... so I had four more hours of ... not sleeping well. Burn. Oh and it rained like all get out last night... and all day today. Six of seven area ski resorts... closed. The only one open? the one Geo broke his shoulder at... Dude... it's only late January. wearing ~ so I suited up for a monday... ~ beige trousers, nice shirt, purple tie... ~ regretted it all fricking day long. :( (pants need a belt, and a belt hurts my fucking gut... ) ~ I'm commando in pj pants with a warm hoody... planning ~ First day back to work... loads to do. ~ wrote a nice long letter to my direct report (employer, not client) to complain about beer & pizza... asking him to please forward it to the proper company rep. He wondered if perhaps I'm just in a bad mood. He asked me to wait till tomorrow. I said sure... what's a day. :) (I'm not letting this go...) ~ sat at my desk as much as possible... got a lot done, but man-o-man... I've got a lot on my "to do" list. ~ watch tv... take medication... sleep all night long. !!!!!! wishing ~ dinkydo enjoys the soon to be "tradition" of mocking old sci-fri 70's movies. Personally... Logan's Run should be in the offing! ~ that spazy-debby (aka my-little-debby, aka debby) keeps all her fingers attached. ~ for anfractuousity to hurry up and remember to be proud of what she's accomplishing... :) ~ and that mellusions.... cleans the rug. /// May I just say - once again - that hockey ... all of it, but we can focus on Junior Hockey for a bit, is run by the stupidest excuses for human beings the world has ever produced. Seriously... they are up against the wall right after the lawyers when the revolution comes. Team Canada, Junior Edition... Team Captain Patrice Cormier delivers a searing elbow to the face/head of an opposing player... Opposing player... on ice convulsing with a serious brain injury. His life... changed forever. Cormier? Oh they suspend him. Last month? Some other unbelievable bad hit, breaking the head of another junior player... another life changed forever. Result? The offending player gets a season suspension. Now pay attention... this is the hard part... When a shit for brains dick wad of a hockey player delivers a hit so bad that the cops have to be called and someones life is forever changed... That player should be completely and totally banned INTERNATIONALLY from playing organized hockey for the REST OF HIS LIFE. No appeal... no quarter.... no option. And it really does not matter if he "is a natural" or "has already been signed by a major league team". Screw that. There will be no lessons learned and absolutely no effort what-so-ever to change anything with this whimpy, pussy, stupid punishments. "Suspended for the Season" means he goes and plays in Hungary for a year. (or something). "Banned for life" will make the next guy think for a second or two and might even save a life. It's pathetic and a poor comfort to the players that lay in hospital rooms with their kidneys in their lungs or the brains smashed in. Hockey is run by morons. // I had a get-well-soon card on my desk. co-workers brought me another one, with a 'bucks and a cute toy... Such small things... still manage to make me feel like a million. :) / Oh I shaved it all off this morning. Hack and slash. I do not like corto with lots of facial hair. :) ~ k... see ya soon. :) 6 shots|give

[24 Jan 2010|09:08pm] The company I work for holds these "social" events called "Beer and Pizza Night". We have two city offices... one downtown and one in the East. These offices are filled with employees - no diff than me, except instead of working on a client site (as I do) they work on some big contracts that have been outsourced to our company. From time to time we get the invitation to "join us for Beer and Pizza at 3:30 to 5:00" from the corporate email account. So... first of all... a majority of the employees do not work at the company offices. Most of us work on client sites. Second... 3:30??? that means I would have to leave my client offices at 3:00. I'm not sure how that is supposed to work... but I do know it translates into all the staff that do not work at client sites... get free beer and pizza, let alone get to knock off work at 3:30. Lucky for them. Here's the real problem.... I don't drink... but I'm not a zelot. I am almost jealous of how folks can drink a few drinks and get a little buzz and enjoy it... All perfectly legal. I am, however, the sort of a person that will publically humiliate you to the point of you wanting to sue me... if it appears to me that you are dinking ... and driving. I despise people who drink and drive. It makes me physically sick to think of the damage they can cause. Yet... here is my employer, offering free beer to the staff at 3:30... Just in time for them to toss back a few, hop in their cars and ... drive home. I have quietly complained to my boss about this... and I have always been blown off. ... well, I logged into my work-vpn to check company email and there's a brand new invitation to "Beer and Pizza". So I replied to the mass-distribution email with... "Excellent... 3:30... because everybody needs a few beer in them before they join rush hour traffic to drive home." I strongly suspect this will not be received well by the people who monitor the corporate email account. I really hope somebody calls me on this... 'cuz I'd really like to be able to put a name and face to that corporate email account and give them my unfettered opinion. 14 shots|give

Sunday, January 24 [24 Jan 2010|12:52pm] ~ so terrorist corto is on his last day. Geo has been all "oh you have to leave it... and I even rub its lovely softness and imagine... And then I look in the mirror and realize... there is no freaking way I get to have a beard. It's hard to tell from the picture... but (for example) there are approximately 23 black BLACK beard hairs on my neck. They are surrounded by the hundreds of white ones. My skin is pale, so the white ones vanish from about 5 feet. Result? "Hey... why do you have those pubes sticking out of your neck?" gah. It's been a really nice weekend. Sadly I've spent it all indoors... Well, except for the dumb ass moment yesterday when I agreed to go with Suzanne on the grocery extraveganza. I should have given her the list and then sat down and watched tv. :) By the time we finished Cost-Co I wanted to go home... then we went to Loblaws... and I got half way through and told suz I was bailing and went and sat on the old peoples bench near the front. I can sit and work for ages... but I cannot walk around for more than a few minutes before I'm being reminded that I'm not on pain meds. And no, I don't want to live on pain meds. :) wearing ~ still in pj pants... I have four pairs of pj pants... sometimes I think I could live in these babies... planning ~ up at 9... make coffee... go to theater room... and watch downloaded tv shows while everyone sleeps away the morning. ~ suz has her hair cut girl coming over at 2:00'ish. Suz and a friend pay this girl that normally works in a high price spa in town to come and do "home visits". This is how the cut-girl makes her real cash... Lots of overhead involved at working at the spa and personally, I can't imagine why anyone would pay that much unless it was all about the service. (even though, I'm pretty sure it should be "all about the hair cut".) ~ I tried to get some work for work done this morning... and I didn't get anywhere. So I'll just relax and dig back into work tomorrow. (back to the clients offices tomorrow. :D) wishing ~ for zaxy (zaxwrit) to enjoy the chop... I wish you'd post a picture. :D ~ to send a hug to chiropteraclan... just 'cuz... ~ and may pixiecup heart stings... hang loose. :) Birthday moments... From yesterday, Happy birthday gifgal... my little coffee queen... :) May the year ahead treat you right and bring you reasons to smile. And to the mostly vanished... myeah, Happy birthday sugar. I hope you are well and enjoying your day. And today!!! Happy birthday Sugar-Ti (sassy_red_head). I know this last year has been a major eye opener and that you're having a wonderful time with your little family... so the only wish that makes any sense at all... is for this path to be true and safe. May you and your family have a safe and happy year and I hope you have all the time you need to smell those roses. :) /// Prior to the Earthquake... the UN was feeding 200,000 people in Haiti ever single day. Why? Well because they're the "poorest nation in the western hemisphere".... what ever that means. Oh, and you know ... there are rich people in Haiti. They own beautiful homes, trucks, cars and properties. There are vast farms that sell into the US markets. Yes... the earthquake is a horrible thing and nobody deserves to suffer when someone can help. I'm just saying... ALL WE DO FOR HAITI IS BUY THEM A FISH. And when we knuckle under and tell 'em we want to TEACH THEM HOW TO FISH... Nobody pays attention because... they like the free fish. There are nations, people, places on this earth where the poverty and hardship make Haiti look like Paradise Lost. I'm not complaining or saying the efforts to guide Haiti to a recovery are wrong or misplaced. I'm just not getting too bent out of shape about their problems. This, no doubt, makes me a horrible person. Tough. Let me put it this way. If the United States government had not bailed out the auto industry... Does anyone think the auto industry would have vanished? No... there would be serious hard ship, but things would have sorted themselves out. But with a bail out on the table... nobody (besides Ford) decided to face their own problems and sort themselves out. Same goes for the poor nations of the world. As long as we're all about bailing them out... we're just putting bandaids on their gaping wounds. // So the incision... Here's the latest picture... [ :: marginal ick levels :: ] I took the plastic off yesterday and ... it's looking pretty good. Lots of bruising etc., but that's ok. / There is a sadness that I know of. It keeps to the shadows and tries to make itself small when the lights come up. It lives in the same place as the unending happiness that seems to wrap around my life. It is part of the same thing. The other side of that coin. Happiness can thrive, just so long as I don't forget about the cost, and keep on paying it. :) Ok... time to shower. :D See you soon. 14 shots|give

[23 Jan 2010|01:16pm] Posted via LiveJournal.app. 11 shots|give

[23 Jan 2010|12:36am] Posted via LiveJournal.app. 9 shots|give

[22 Jan 2010|09:56pm] honestly facebook confounds me. ~ current issue: adding someone. See... in a "blog", you are just whomever you're representing. In a journal, you're relatively anon... but for true, the focus is on creating new connections, reaching out and maybe even towards the future. In facebook, the focus is on reaching into your past and present... and grabbing people. I add someone in LJ and it's eh... maybe they'll add me back and maybe it'll be a good add. Maybe it'll suck... in which case, click-clack-moo... gone. But in FB ... it's someone you know. I can just see some coworker saying "dude added me to his facebook... does he think I know him that well?" And yes, that's insecurity speaking, but still. What if it's a bad add. You honestly dropping someone on FB that you work with? And the "suggestion box"... gah!! You hated me in highschool... why on earth... lol ah well. It's the "merging" of the online with the meatline. Facebook, mainlines the meatline and you have to follow meat rules. LJ is more online and way less bloody. 17 shots|give

Friday, January 22 [22 Jan 2010|06:36pm] ~ see... you can't even tell that I'm all scruffy. No shave this week. Kids want me to leave it unshaved. sigh. I am very self concious of this face-hair thing. We'll see what it looks like on Sunday. :D :) A little better every day. Managed to drive Geo to and pick him up from his first highschool exam today. First time I've been out since cut-day. :) Only just took the first "ouch" pill of the day. So yeah... doing better. It - however - still looks like evils rotten little brother. Today is day three post op and I do believe they want me to take the special plastic thing off tomorrow. Ugly blood stained cotton thing is under that... all sealed up since the sterile enviro of the OR. So basically... it's been a clean machine up till I take this thing off... but it cant stay forever. It's getting grizzly. wearing ~ oh pj pants ... no question. Just thinking about trousers on Monday is freaking me out a bit. :) planning ~ Nothing... well, finishing the first season of Defying Gravity, watching another epi of Californication, texting coworkers... because I can... ar ar ar... ~ er... and that's it, besides a couple of short drives to Geo's high school. ~ although... nobody ponied up to make dinner tonight... so I've got smashed tats, broccoli, pepper-squash, and salmon about to come out of the oven. ~ Geo's off the movies at 6:30, so no mucking about. :D wishing ~ I could do a cardio work out, and then follow up with a solid hour of upper body and core stress... ~ I would aslo like a BILLION dollars. Neither dream is coming true any time soon. sigh. ~ for smeeeko ... to find those connections... ~ that mellusions remembers to establish a reward for the clean garage... ~ for pixiecup to find her robot... ~ and that aristophren... holds it together. :) Birthday moments... Happy birthday ragamuffen... may there be lots of great reasons to ... update your lj. :) Have a wonderful year sugar-muffin. (I like typing sugar-muffin). /// I really feel like I was making a difference in myself with the regular workouts and healthy eat'en and all that. This is going to be a significant set back. And that makes me a bit bummed. Oddly enough, this has not yet eclipsed the almost manic level of happy that I have been working with over the last month... Still happy.. Still feeling so thankful for the way things in life are playing out... And still feeling like... the best is yet to come. :) ~ meanwhile... Dear Tummy: please ... enough with the fricking hernias already. // I have a 100 ft long, purple Cat-6 cable sitting here... in the bag it came in... waiting. I want to run it from my router to the media pc... which is currently living as a wifi connection. Running this cable... through walls, over bulkheads and artfully down the back access bits to get to the pc? Totally needs to wait for my gut. :( / You're born alone... You die alone. Hell, you may even live alone... But if I know you... If I you have let me care... If you have let me into your heart, You should know... you will never be truly alone. I sign up for life. :) 9 shots|give

Thursday, January 21 [21 Jan 2010|08:49pm] K... so today is a good day. Last night was all about the cramp and this morning was all about the crap... But then there was a shower (cool bandaid, seals area...) And a day of being sloth like. Oh, and while I feel much improved... It looks infinately worse. no pictures. it's evil. I am black with one giant bruise... yup. And ... I seriously need to keep icing things... But as I said... feels better. :) edit: Ok...so I just coughed. This was followed by several prayers for death, and the realization that I've let the pain-med schedule slack. geezus... There was sunshine today. I wish I was walking through it... But all I did was look at it. :( wearing ~ ug... pj pants, long sleeve warm... planning ~ again... NOTHING. ~ I watched four episodes of Defying Gravity and an epi of Californication... eyeballs rolling into back of head... zzzzzzz wishing ~ that weebsurfer and family enjoy the new santa fe... ~ for brak55 to not sell himself short... ~ that canuckgirl finds her Spamalot ~ and that you go read raylenetaskoski's post [:: here :: ] // Can I just say... Windows 7 was not your idea. / when I look into your eyes I feel like I see all of you. it's wonderful. :) ~ day three approaches. 8 shots|give

[21 Jan 2010|11:16am] 1/2 banana 1 kiwi 4 frozen strawberrys 1/2 cup of fresh blueberrys juice from a miniola sillouette peach yogurt 1 egg ~ much blending and crunching. Very delicious. :) 4 shots|give

[21 Jan 2010|09:04am] Hard core TMI - but its my journal so wtf - you've been warned. The absolute worst part of a hernia operation - from the pain perspective - has got to be first post op crap. After a cramp tastic night that must surely rival, at the least, modest labour pains, I am most relieved to say many moans and a rolled up bath towel pressed against my gut finally gave way to a world class, bowl filling, toilet plugging, death-by-scent-creating poop. And there was peace once again in the land. Sigh :) Posted via LiveJournal.app. 19 shots|give

[21 Jan 2010|12:04am] Ah see, my shoulder is getting sore... So the codine is wearing off again. My op just generally feels bad, butvonly hurts when engage my ab... Like a sneaky, tiny cough totally stops the universe... But when I sig still I won't notice it. I guess I'm kinda waiting as long as possible between pain meds. It's not the codine fog I'm worried about... It's the internal food processor that totally has me concerned... I'm already crampy... and, yes, I'm taking something for that too.., la la la Time for more meds. I know I know... But it's the "big thing" in my world right now... So I just keep talking about it. :) Posted via LiveJournal.app. 2 shots|give

Wednesay, January 20 [20 Jan 2010|04:30pm] ~ my fav shirt/tie combo... all artsy today... mostly 'cuz I look like shit and I like this picture. :) k... it's wednesday. The day after. We'll save the gag-me-with-a-spoon bits for a little lower down. :) I'm at home officially doing nothing. Nadda. Well... ok, wandering from the tv room to the kitchen replenishing coffee and eating fiber-rich-poop-factory food bits... is, in fact, something... but it's not a lot. A long drugged out night of waking up wondering what time it was ended when I got up as suzy left for work. I had visions of sleeping half the day away. I had visions of winning the lottery and spending a month fighting my way out of the playboy mansion too. I wondered around drinking coffee and watching defying gravity and californication all day. I is a sloth. This is an unappealing lifestyle in practice, despite it's warm and cuddly appeal while safely in the land of "wouldn't it be nice if..." I look forward to being repaired. wearing ~ the sox I wore to bed. I think I'll be changing those soon. :) ~ pj pants, and ftls pulled up nice and high so the elastic waste band is above mr. sicko-bandage. low ride'en is a no go, so I'm going for "old man walking a miami boardwalk" look with pj pants, sinched around my ribs. ~ warm stuff too. I find I've been a bit shivery all day. planning ~ nothing. ~ like... literally ... nothing. ~ somebody else can plan today. wishing ~ eh... full of wishes. ~ that cynnerth has fun with Mickey... ~ that yumikid enjoys her contentment... ~ for pageeater to hold onto those moments... ~ for the center to find it's way back to dotcombabe ~ and for the very sweet nerdular... to somehow get reminded that life is...and will always be... full of opportunity. You are not closing any real doors... just slipping a screen into place for a bit. Birthday moments... A very happy birthday to my sweet friend, so far away, in quebec city... (with all the bad drivers!). HB little-c. (carorules) May the truth always set you free and may your heart simply sore... (pinch). // So in keeping with the long tradition of being a bit graphic and icky... I bring you the short story of Hernia #3 (part one: chop day). Back in 2001 I lifted a tv and tore a hole on the left side of my tummy muscles. The doc repaired it by opening me up, tucking my intestines back in, closing the rip and sewing a little "mesh" over the rip. Weee... In 2004 I managed to get another rip, except this time on the right side. Again... operation, mesh, and fix. Somehow, over the last half year, my physical activity came up against the mesh, holding togehter hernia number 1. The mesh lost... and I had what looked like a smallish Mars bar tucked under the skin on my left lower abdomin. It's soft... it's not painful. But it gets painful if you do anything that taxes the muscles in that part of your body. It gets achy... it can get super achy... like, limping achy... but not normally. So I saw the doc and arranged another 'cut me open and fix this'. I asked for the "Shaped like six pack abs titanium plates" instead of the mesh... But it does not appear to have been taken seriously. Yesterday, Z dropped me at the hospitat at 8 and by 8:15 I was in a gown, reading "The Lost Symbol" in a waiting room. Had the requisit visit from the doc, the sleepy-maker, and the nursing staff... all asking "So it's the left?" (Doc marked it with a big X). By 10:10, I was being rolled into an operating room. Nurse missed first attempt to line me. Anethesiologist (hahaha... totaly sp???) dude nailed it quick and presto.... I'm a reverse slurpy. After a little idle banter, it's drug time. Nurse puts this very soft breather mask thing over my mouth and nose... kinda "holding it against me hard" and say'en "just breath deep..." Dr. Sleepy-go-bye-bye starts pumping the creamy, whitish liquid into the line ... I remember saying "oh... here it comes..." And then I'm waking up in recovery. Saw a few folks in the day-surg recovery zone who were worse off than me by far... so I tried to suck it up. I mean... really. sigh. Suz had me home around I-don't-remember-when... And I maintained a solid codine wall of numb for the whole day. Now it's today... the hospital made their follow up call and sorted me out on how big the ick is... I'm reassured that all is well, despite the pictures. The cover stays on for another two days, if I don't get any wet in it... It hurts to not-be-hunched-over and I can't lift anything heavier than a milk jug without feeling it. So.. this is me for a few days and then ... then things will start coming around. I just have to totally stay down and not do anything. Yoga in a week ... maybe... Some cardio in two weeks... weights again, in four weeks... sigh. :) (Warning: can see the blood under the clear plastic bandage, and this is my lower ab... you've been warned) [ :: totally icky picture of the bloody cover as soon as I got home :: ] [ :: same sorta shot but either this morning or last night :: ] There's some serious serious brusing building up around this. You can see the growth of it in the second pic, along the top of the bandage. Stitches are on the inside, steri tape holding the hole together, and the bandage sealing the deal. weee... / not gonna shave all week. my nominal act of rebellion. :) ~ k... see u soon. :D 17 shots|give

day after... [20 Jan 2010|08:27am] It's awake... my ouchi. 8 tylonal 3's in the cupboard turned into 2 since yesterday. Z has the script for more with her and will bring 'em home after work. I'm guessing today is the "big day". Yesterday was waiting for the other shoe to drop and last night was when my body really internalized what's been done... So today is about the ouch settling in and my body retaliating for being so cruel to it. ar ar ar... I have very few spoons today. :( I'm using my arm as the barometer. See... my shoulder doesn't hurt. At first... in my fog ... I imagined "Oh, my gut must really hurt, because it's eclipsing my shoulder to the point my shoulder doesn't hurt. :)" weeeee. Then it dawns on me that I am chocked full of codine. So d'uh... of course my shoulder doesn't hurt. My gut, however, constantly hurts... just not "horrible". So I lay still... read... relax. And if I notice the shoulder hurting, I know the tylonal is wearing off. :) I only woke up once in the night. Just felt weird.. needed to get up and walk around a bit. As I sit here typing...I notice it feels way better to sit than it does to lie down. I do believe the admiral is going to have to play a roll here. ... and, I will be fine. :) I just have to take it easy and not get depressed about the gym and re-lumpifying my body. oh, and my employers emailed me... they wanted an updated CV. LOL. 16 shots|give

Home again... [19 Jan 2010|02:54pm] He lives. More later... Bed for now. :) all is well. Posted via LiveJournal.app. 10 shots|give

Monday, January 18 [18 Jan 2010|11:32pm] ~ so... is that the universe... or the infinite? Today was a very good day. I got it going early, with the junior juices off on time, and at physio by 8. Little sponges, and suction-cuppy electrods. interferential or something... And a lot of talk about what's going to have to happen over the next couple of weeks. :( Work ... getting everything done I needed to do... Play... getting everything done that I wanted to do... :D Never-the-less... My body is under seige from bad luck and my mistakes. And as I sit here considering the ice pack I have on my shoulder, I get a little pissed off thinking that I'm going to have to layer on a completely new layer of slow healing. wearing ~ so yeah, I wore my fav shirt for my only dress up day this week. planning ~ to get a goofy amount of work done so being away wont screw too many things up. ~ go to gym... cardio... and legs. ~ stop at farm boy and get a bunch of fruit... wishing ~ for lisabella much success and keeping the stress away. :) ~ I was a fly on the wall when whine_country succumbs to temptation and tries on the little orange shorts. ~ and for sodiumbisulfite not to worry... /// Did you know redfenix is a real live author... like a real author, not just a blog-o-maniac. [ :: check out an interview with her about her new book release :: ] [ :: See the book (Flash Of Dark) here :: ] ~ cool huh!! :D // Really had a good moment today. Reminding myself how easy it can be to take care of a friendship. / So no doubt I'll be all posty and pictury But not till way later. :( See ya tomorrow. ~ it's 11:27... I only have 33 minutes left during which I can consume anything before... the knife. :) ar ar ar ar... gah! :) 7 shots|give

Sunday, January 17 [17 Jan 2010|08:00pm] [ music | Sniff and the Tears: Drivers Seat. ] Well it was nice this weekend... I don't remember the sun but I do remember that it wasn't freezing. :) I did my give with this years charity. "Ontario March of Dimes" (provides gear and support to folks with disabilities) I did a "portion" of our street... door to door canvassing for support. Boy you see all kinds. :D Raised a bunch. wearing ~ skinny jeans... white tee... on-and-off with the big hoody. :) planning ~ wicked day... lots of today. :) ~ up at 9... at starbucks with Ed and Suz by 10:15... at the AMC by 10:30... ~ despite these time points... we still ended up in the second freaking row, watching Avatar at 10:50. Still awesome... ~ home to set off on chores... cost-co to return Wii Six ... visit Futureshop to bug 'em about Wii One and how long it takes to repair and blah blah and... oops... they don't even have one in stock. :( Dude said come back later in the week. :) So Wii Seven is out there... somewhere... ~ Loblaws for lunch meat, fresh garlic and something for a nice late night TV snack (z's BFL Free Day) ~ home to sort out making amazing dinner. Fresh squash, Cauliflower, Carrots, rice and perfect little garlic-butter stuffed, breaded and baked chicken breasts (Chicken Kiev). Oh, and brownies for dessert. ~ watched "How I Met Your Mother" with dinner. :) ~ deploy a Robot. ~ serve great meal... clean it all up, make coffee, wave to the kids as they head down to the play room to WoW and Dr.Who themselves for the evening... ~ and now it's now. There's a giant laundry bin full of my whites (bottom) with my actually-go-in-the-dryer colours. (the rest of the colours are happily hanging in my closet). I shall attend to this later. ( best part of doing your own laundry... no sorting out who's is what!!!) wishing ~ all the best to redfenix with FoD's release!!! :D ~ to give a pretty serious High Five to hisbeauty... ~ for razzberee... to make her fortune... just don't get high off on your own supply... ~ and to thank militantmomma for sharing. :) Birthday moments... A very happy birthday to arlyn... so many years sugar. :D :D May the year ahead ... bring you the posture you deserve ... in the unfolding saga. And a quiet little happy birthday to a quiet little txgirlie. Be well sugar. /// got my hair cut. pretty kelly asked me if I was scared (about tuesday). Told her i wasn't.. I'm not. Seemed funny that she asked though. The thing about Tuesday... It's weird to lay there and know that you're going to blink... and suddenly you're going to be in loads of pain, headache, jaw ache (regardless of how many times I tell them to be careful of my jaw... they always fuck it up) and have no choices in life except laying back to heal. It's not scary or really-painful... It's just a big goofy drag. // Having a Ray Bradbury moment... ~ da'ya see that? Up in "planning"? You gotta know I totally enjoyed typing "deploy a robot". hahahaha... :D His name is Dexter. iRobot "rumba". :D He rests quietly on his charger, off in the corner. He is wicked cool. Did a good job... and Dex managed to vaccuum UNDER the sofa. All the while I keep laughing either from watching Purrrcy eyeballing Dexter... Or because I keep remembering dolt-dad on Modern Family saying... "... after 20 years? A five function, fully articulating robot... that can read my mind." la la la... :) / Feel a bit like a Vogon Constructor Fleet Ship Captain... posting a bit of [ :: poetry::] and wondering what you think. Fortunately, nobody gets ejected into space. ~ yes... I read that. And we'll be doing some talking tomorrow. (smiles) 10 shots|give

[17 Jan 2010|12:11am] The Universe In His Hand (aka Embracing The Infinite) He, in his science, cannot reach beyond the measure of his arm. Yet the form and measure of our universe flows from his thoughts To his pen and then the papers that surround him. Confined though he may be, when he collects his thoughts, He holds the universe in his hand. She, in her torment, will love only as she should While passion and expression heave against a dull, painted wall. Her heart knows no boundary and her love feels no limit, Confined though she may be, when she collects her thoughts, She is embracing the infinite. 5 shots|give

Friday, January 15 [15 Jan 2010|09:52pm] No snow day. lol Up and at'em with the boys and z and ... Still managed to get to work early. :) wearing ~ eh, skinny jeans. ~ but it was normal jeans, black tee, untuck blue button up shirt and a sweater... planning ~ K, it's crazy time at work as I ramp up everything to be sorted while I'm away next week. ~ I still have monday to finish up. :) ~ went to the gym with a few coworkers some friends... ~ (so flipp'en good for my spirit to do this... :D) ~ home to clean up the kitchen and get dinner sorted... cleaned up again... ~ and then a little z time and ta da... now it's now. And I'm typ'en on the sofa (thank you wifi) ~ watching something off the pvr later. :) wishing ~ that canuckgirl doesn't hurt too much tomorrow... ~ for dawna to find a coping mechanism... ~ to tell kendokamel that it only takes one connection to keep you from vanishing and if all else vanishes...I will find you. :) ~ that pasticcio gets what she wants... ~ and for spankynotes to get people to listen... Birthday moments... A very happy birthday to my little nutmeg. :) May there be sweet relief... and a happy little boy on this years path. :D // So I'm just say'en... I am still riding this wave. Despite the challenges... I feel wicked good. I know I have a tendancy to crash from this kind of up... But I also know, without a doubt, that this is the longest run in memory. and I am not complaining. btw... I blame my choices lately... And I am thankful. / First time I've seen Steph since the comment. From deep exertion in the middle of her training session, She managed a nice smile and nod. That dice roll ... was good. :) :) 2 shots|give

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